Huffy, illiterate men, scared of peas, it's a weird, weird dating world (No22)

[ChaoticismyLife]

Oh, watch...you mentioned flowers

Tell us more...

sponge do you mind if I asked what he did?!

Ooh, how do you feel after discovering just how small the world is?!

I would be

Likeit, he was just a bit of a crappy boyfriend. He refused to stay overnight at my house cos he couldnt sleep other than in his own bed plus the sex was infrequent and awful. He never felt like a proper bf, which I felt justified the manner of my dumping him. But I was only 27 and much more heartless in those days!

The small world thing is freaky. Even more so if I tell you a girl I vaguely remember from school (friends with lots of my FB friends but not me) is friends with not only Saturdays date but MrNotreadyforacommitment, my date from a few weeks back. In fact I think he and recent date have several friends in common...

Is anyone else wondering if Watch managed to chuck former Mr L out the door?

Meanwhile, I was telling Mr K about a wedding TV show, and he made a joke about picking up a wedding dress from a local shop and then that Bali was a good place to get married.
A good thing I'm not even divorced yet, or I'd be worried.

But there was also mention of 2020.
There's time, then...

Sponge, that's the problem with dating local men.
I avoided those, because I thought it might become too embarrassing.
I think my current home town is smaller than yours.

Instead of an average of 7 degrees of separation there's only 2 or 3, I'm sure.

Sponge that is

Do you live in an especially small town?

Lueji how would you find it embarrassing?

I am usually quite shy in this respect, so the thought of being rejected by or rejecting someone I'd easily meet in every day life is embarrassing.

A bit of distance suits me fine.

Funnily enough, neither of them live that near me! I am in Kent, Commitment man is in Essex and man from Saturday is in central London. However, Commitment man grew up in the same Essex town as me (though I didnt know him then - and we both live in different places now) and Saturday man used to go to a club there (where, at round about the same time my voicemail dumped bf - mentioned above - was dealing various illegal substances...). Hence the connection.

hatesponge I know I myself am new to all this but I really think that you should cease all contact with Sat Man. The ball is in his court now. Don't text him again.

So I have my first ever date tonight. What are some good topics to talk about? And what are complete no-no's?

^ Tis me namechange fail

Snape you just gave me a flashback to my ex. He wanted me to piss in his mouth and I did that poker face thing whilst thinking "Not.In.A.Fucking.Million.Years" it was bad enough that my heart wasn't in the stiletto-wearing, whip-wielding stuff, which should have been fun.
Sponge I've said this before, but on paper he was perfect. Slim, gorgeous (great hair!) own place, good job, nice to his Mum, looked after his boy full-time...
BUT was also passive-aggressive, smoked hash, was crap at intimacy and had some serious issues due to his parents.
He pretty much dumped me, though I was the one who formally ended it. I am so glad now. We were completely incompatible, the wrong fit in every way there is such a thing as too big and even though I am a decent, honest, passably hot woman, that wasn't what he wanted or needed. that would be a hairdresser type who turned into Miss Whiplash in the bedroom

Sponge your ego is taking a massive knock here but it's really not you. It's just bad luck that you haven't clicked with someone that way.
Can I ask why you go for scaffolders and the like? Gross generalisation alert, but they are not known for their emotional intelligence...
Fit bodies do nothing at all for me. I need the personality to be sexy. The most I've thought when seeing someone fit was "You'll do I suppose" it always seems to compensate for a lack of something I need, like a sense of dynamism or a personality
Sorry for the brain dump

MadameO - Fit bodies alone do nothing for me. The guy on Saturday is by far the fittest/most muscly (sp?) man I've ever dated. But we would never have had that date based on his body alone, it was his personality I liked.

I don't find (this is my own sweeping generalisation) men who do office jobs, sat behind a desk all day, attractive. it comes back to the hand thing (not liking men with small, girl hands). But having had the experience with my Evil Ex of someone who didn't have much of a personality or much intelligence, I now try to look for those attributes as well. I can't remember how many dates I've had this year (10, maybe more) but only 1 has been really bad, I think because I've not selected purely on the basis of looks.

Saturday man had something about him. He wouldnt have been able to hold my attention through all those hundreds of texts otherwise. He was not in the least educated (expelled from school at 14) BUT he wasn't stupid. Except insofar as he didn't want to see me again, of course :).

Professional, office men dont really like me anyway. I've only ever dated 1 person who does the job I do, and that was 16 odd years ago and he was my boss. Men like that don't go for me and vice versa.

Girls hands on a man don't do it for me either.

Nearly all the men I've been messaging on pof are going away which is suspect.
1 is going on a diving holiday today for 2 weeks
1 told me about a week ago he was going to Cyprus on urgent family business
1 is apparently off to the Middle East working..today

Fallen out of a tree...me??

I'd just like someone to actually arrange a date with me...so I can go on a date!

Ahhhh ok Sponge. I don't know where I got the idea that you only like scaffolder types from. Sorry
What about arty types?

Scumbag as for topics of conversation, there probably aren't any actual no-nos as such, it all depends on the person and the situation. Some of the things that my date and I talked about at the weekend may have been a real turn-off for some people, but because I liked him and we share a lot of similar values, it didn't seem odd to me!

Within a few minutes he was telling me how his ex had struggled with BF-ing, but as it was in the context of how hard having kids was and the problems their DS had as a baby, it wasn't weird, but I can imagine if someone said "should you mention your ex's knockers on a first date?" the proper answer would be no!

I always think that technically you shouldn't talk about your ex full-stop, but its inevitable that it will come up if you've been with someone for a long time. People want to get an idea of your history and your lifestyle pretty early on.

Oh, so much I'd like to add here, but I only have about a minute before DS stops dancing around on the window sill proudly displaying his willy to the world, and comes and jumps on the computer......

So glad you've forgiven me sponge. I have a fixation with being really good at stuff too....Could you work at being really good at not caring, being tough and loving being single? And I would totally ditch Mr Saturday for being insufficiently keen. Not what you need. You don't have energy to waste on the half-hearted.

Oh, being attacked by 2 year old, must go.....

Morning all, coffee poured, waiting to hear from watch...

Thank you DoingIt.

About to go start getting ready, eeek!

Also watching out for watch's update

Sponge, I Think huge significance in the fact it was their first internet date. It's the James bond theory. Their first date and they meet you. Rather than persue that they think ' wow, I had a date with her, what other hot women can I see'

Western, sorry :( doesn't look good, esp if you haveht heard of him. It is a common thing to happen......try not to dwell, you enjoyed it at the time, for what it was....

Snape, you do rock, hard :)

So, the talk. He asked me to officially be his gf. I said I Didnt know #awkward.
Had it out about everything. Talked about it all. He said he hadn't realised....wont do it again..
So, I'm not sure. I'm in two minds of maybe pulling back to every other weekend and keeping it casual and fun from my end, because he's nice and ok company. He's just not long term....
Or to just totally leave it.

Interested in conversation re hands. I always look at hands and though I can't pinpoint what the attractive bits are, I have to fancy their hands iyswim.
Have had a couple of emails from Mr Mutual but noticed (looked) that he'd been on OKC a couple of nights. I had been too, but was kinda hoping that if he had time to be on the site then he might have time to chat to me.
Will ponder. Meantime am amusing myself exchanging messages with someone who is potentially a bit on the dark side but am doing it to boost my ego, practice how to message etc.
I think I need some more experience in this whole thing and a big dose more cynicism balls

Only you can make that decision Watch.

Snape, he won't talk about The Prof because he's jealous. I am similar to PM in that I have self esteem issues and am terminally backward at going forward. He is into you but can't say it for fear of being rejected. You're going to have to make the first move.

Hi

Can I pull up a stool and join you? Just popped a profile on POF cos it's free. Been single over 8 years, and only had one mild flirtation in that time (Now a good mate), so really need advice and dating 101 spelled out to me. I've only just realised boot cut jeans are no longer trendy ffs!

I'm hitting 40 and would l love the opportunity to at least try for a sibling for my lad before I curl up my toes. I'd also love to have the companionship that comes as part of being in a relationship now.

Please say you'll hold my hand as attempt to dip my foot back into the world of adult social interaction.

hello bochead and welcome. :-)

prof on his way over for sex the day. need him out by 3 for DCs coming home and then i'm squelching off to the gym with PM.

Nicholas think you're right. i've dropped the biggest hints imaginable. if i can corner him this weekend (that's 'if', not a guarantee, i need the right moment) then i will say something. sweet-fuck knows what.

snape - have fun!!!!

bochead - hi, welcome. My personal experience is that, in terms of free dating sites, OKCupid is marginally better than POF. 95% of what I got on POF was sleaze and i deleted my account after about 2 days. Guardian Soulmates is good - lovely men but you have to pay. I think to start, just have a look, see who catches your eye, don't be afraid to send a message to someone, start chatting and enjoy.

LOL Snape, I'm beginning to feel a little dirty keeping quite so up to date on your sex-life! Who needs 50 shades, we've got our very own!

Ok will someone tell me to bugger off please! I've already applied for 2 jobs today which is good but I'm also supposed to be doing an online training course which should boost the number of jobs I'm qualified for. Been meaning to do the next lesson all week but so far it is Wednesday and I'm so distracted by Mumsnet, OKC (Irish guy is back and telling me he's lovely & I should really give him a chance!), trying to Facebook stalk my ex-husband, Mr60, and just generally feeling shitty and depressed that I have done nothing.

The plan is:

1. Quick walk to the shops to clear my head
2. Close all email, FB, MN, OKC
3. Do the next lesson and do not even attempt to look at any of the above until I'm done.

So if you I'm back on here any time in the next 3 hours please will you tell me to fuck off!