Huffy, illiterate men, scared of peas, it's a weird, weird dating world (No22)

[ChaoticismyLife]

Oh, watch...you mentioned flowers

Tell us more...

So how long do we wait after a date to hear from someone before presuming they are not interested, even if they said they were?!

Someone mentioned a 3 day rule, of which I (and obviously my POF date!) was unaware, as I saw him on Sunday, we talked about what we might do next time and I haven't heard from him yet.

I said I'd had a lovely time and that I'd like to see him again, he said he did too. I did suggest that as I was his first POF date I wouldn't be offended if he wanted to check out the competition but he said he'd rather concentrate on getting to know one person than start talking to lots of women at a time.

What are the criteria for extending the 3 day rule without being a mug?! How long should I leave it before contacting someone else without feeling guilty?

I can't seem to find a single thing at the moment to feel happy about, which isn't good :( I know I will take a break from it all for a month or two or three, and then go back to it and be exactly as unsuccessful as I have been for the last 4 years. That's what always happens. The only difference is I'll just be even older, and have even less chance than I do now of getting what I want. Sigh.

Sorry for being so bloody miserable :( It's not even as though I like cats, so not sure I can plan my future around being weird lonely cat lady. I'll just have to be weird and lonely without the cats.

sponge this is a bottom of the roller-coaster moment, that's all it is. Roller-coasters need to go 'down' so they can swoop back up again. You will be fine. And cats are awesome. Get three - five will chew your face off if you fall down the stairs.

So, I do really like the prof. He's very funny & attractive & intelligent & accomplished. His exes have all apparently been formidable & I do feel very flattered that he is interested in me. The sex was abso-fucking-lately awesome. I have been walking around with a 1000 kilowatt smile and a wiggle. :-)

Pm news, we walked out of the gym tonight, I thought he had been a bit quiet, we never remember where we've parked, so we're walking around looking for the car

PM: is that it?
Me: no
PM : yes it is!
Me: I know. I'm a rubbish liar...
PM: talking of lies, hows the prof?
Me: why is that a lie?
PM: have you broken up with him yet?
Me: we'll, I think he's being relegated to another 'hot-friend-I-can't fuck..

Then I lied that I couldn't sleep with the prof, because, he wants children and I don't want kids and although he's terribly clever and charming and handsome, I'm not terribly impressed by the very accomplished thing and I think he sees that as a challenge...

PM: if only you could meet someone who was all those things, who didn't want kids (PM doesn't want kids...)

Me: yeah, wouldn't that be nice.

Then we talked about him and OKC, he's too busy with work and the gym for a relationship...wouldn't it be nice if you could just meet someone in a pub or somewhere... damn! so he doesn't want to go out with anyone just now.

Arrrrrrrgh. He looks at me sometimes and I absolutely just melt, we just beam at each other and it's not fucking fair.

Dropped him off. Texted him when I got home, 'actually, in retrospect I'm a brilliant liar at the important things, I believe it's called 'acting'. pet name. See you tomorrow... Sx.

Umm. Yeah.

Sorry! Huge post! You did ask....

...and because I am a giving-snape and my life is complicated enough, there's a splendid chap in my oKC quiver, that I can't ate being myself to delete, but if anyone else wants a 'go', sunalex...

ate being. Quite bring.

Snape would that not have been the perfect opportunity to get things out in the open instead of all the hints and games! I'm frustrated just reading it, god knows how you're feeling! Surely when he said it would be nice to just meet someone in the pub he meant rather than buggering about online, get together with someone he's met in real life i.e. you!

Snape, he probably doesn't think he's all of those things.

You have to tell him you have met the One. And he's all of those things for you.

Sponge, instead of cats, you should get a dog. I'm serious. It would make you go out and people tend to chat to dog owners. Particularly other dog owners.
At worst, you'll have a companion who won't let you down.

I'm coming around to this point of view, cinema Friday, then we're going to his exes girlfriends birthday party in early October, after day out with the spawn at doctor who cosplay thing, which will be huge lesbian night-out so I will wear heels and be devastating

The way things are going, we might be a couple by then have to shift my end-of-September-deadline.

I don't want to 'get those things out in the open' when I'm driving. I want a sweaty club or a hand in hand walk back from the station, I want it to be perfect, because after all this sodding time, it really should be.

When I told him I wasn't gng to 'see' the prof in that context he was all 'fucking-hell-why-not?!'. My signals are so fucking mixed as to be marshmallow and chocolate pizza. I sneak looks at him when he's doing stuff at the gym and he isn't looking back.

This is confusing.

Snape, you and PM make me happy. I know it will work out, I just know it somehow. And honestly I am usually right just never about myself.

Lueji I'd love a dog. However the fact I'm out of the house for 12 hours a day renders it pretty much impossible, unfortunately.

In that case, why don't you borrow one?

I don't know anyone who has a dog, well no-one who lives locally anyway.

Snape I'll bet he is sneaking looks at you too, when you're not looking. And watching your car out of his window as you drive away once you've dropped him off.

He certainly does in my film version :)

oh, you and your romcoms! ;-)

Hi all, just wanted to pop back in to thank Time and Snape for some advice they gave me back on thread 19 re my LDR.

It resolved itself quite amicably and it was definitely the right decision to let go and move on.

Thanks again.

olympic. I'm sure I only said something vaguely common sensesy, but I'm very happy it's worked out well for you. :)

Thanks Snape, I should let you know, I'm moving on with a platonic man I've known for over 3 years! But I didn't see this coming at all! Just over a week in of some amazing sex dates!

Sponge crying every day? Might you have depression? I say this as someone who's a firm believer in anti-d's and therapy.
Snape do you own a pair of leather trousers to go with the heels? If not get ye to H&M for the PVC version.

Who asked about 3 day rule? (Sorry am on phone) My first GS date seemingly went well and he said he'd see me again. I got the brush-off from him two days later. I call it my Baptism of Fire.
What a way to learn to learn to never take a seemingly good date for granted. I'm still really about it. On balance though I think I had a lucky escape.
I should really let it go now though

Olympic

Sponge. I hope you feel better soon. The continual knocks will make you feel awful but it will pass.

I had a dream about my ex last night. Dreamt we were in a pub and a fantastic looking woman with glossy hair persuaded him to give her his number! I've woken up feeling upset. Now that dream says so much about how I'm feeling about myself at the moment and its not good. So, sponge I'm having a complete review of myself; fitness, interests, make up, clothes, job, education. Bit by bit I will feel better. Forget men, concentrate on yourself.

Mdmame O. I'm still smarting about the really nice date i had with the man who became over interested in coming over to my house to check my garden! God only knows what he actually wanted but i don't think it was me.

Snape how have you left it with the prof? I

Morning all. Finally gave in and phoned Irish/American guy last night. I phoned him and blocked my number though so he still doesn't have any of my contact details apart from OKC (just in case his persistence turns stalkerish). Anyway, he was funny but he's totally not for me. I don't even really think I'm for him, I think he's just romanticised the idea that he's met another American. He's a laid back musician from Texas who I think drinks quite a lot and hangs out in bars with other musicians. I'm a mum of 2 who hangs out in country parks and football pitches. He said he thinks I'm uptight - he's probably right. But he also said he wants me to agree to just one date with him. Told him I'd think about it but the answer is still going to be no.

Meanwhile, I'm having a fit cause my boiler is playing up this morning and there is no fucking way I'm meeting coffee man if I haven't had a shower and washed my hair - I'm sure he wouldn't notice but I'd feel like shit. Going to do the school run and just pray that by some magic it will be working when I get home.

Scatty I'll feel better eventually I suppose, though it seems a long way off. And of course as soon as I venture back onto sites, and go through the endless cycle of contact-meet-rejection, I'll feel utterly shit again. Because that's what happens, that's how my life is (or at least how it has been for 4 years). And however long I give up for, it doesnt ever change.

I probably am depressed, I think most people would be living the shit life I do. I've been told for years I should have counselling - but I can't afford to take the time off work unpaid, so that won't be happening. I'll just have to manage, like I always do.

Am going to a black tie ball next week. tried my dress on last night and felt nothing but sad. I just wish I knew why all these men reject me. A reason - even a bullshit mad one like MRCommitment or MRPlayer gave me, it helps. because for both of them I know it was their issues, not mine. This guy I dont have a bloody clue, but I wish I did.

Sponge. The black tie event sounds great. I find that when I'm under par I don't drink at these kind of events as it just makes me feel worse.

You actually do better than me as I can't even get a date. All my prospects have dried up on pof. All were edging towards a date but then puff!
How does one actually get a coffee date, do I need to do the asking?

Yoga; I would give someone who incinuated I was anything but lovely the brush off. You are not uptight, you are you. Your coffee date won't notice your hair. Is its the first date? I can't keep up

Yoga so you're "uptight" because you won't meet him
Wow I wonder why he's single.
This is the same sort of charmer who thinks women have "issues" if they don't agree to sex

Sponge if you can't do therapy for whatever reason try self-care. Sit down and remember who you are, what you liked as a kid, your favourite bands, and so on. It's too easy for the lovely idea of a partner to make us feel "less than" if we don't have one. Why should the lack of a partner diminish us? I dumped two because they were adding fuck-all to my life but worry and grief.
I used to be the archetypal monkey, never letting go of one man till I had another. To be happy with my own company is like a luxury.
I don't believe you attract good people until you feel good about yourself, and it's a win-win, because if you choose not to look for someone, you are happy on your own.
Just a thought.