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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Man with extreme commitmentphobia - help desperately sought

280 replies

butterscotchbiscuit · 10/09/2012 12:37

Hi there.

I'm a long time lurker but a new poster here and would be so grateful of any advice from Mumsnetters!

I've come here as I'm really at the end of my tether and quite desperate for help - I would love to hear if anyone has any advice to give me on my situation as I just don't know what to do...

I have been involved with a man for just over three years now. He is absolutely lovely - one of the kindest, most considerate and gentle men I have ever met. He's incredibly reliable and I trust him totally. (Should add that in couching him these terms, I'm not a babe in the woods - I'm 35 and since I was a teenager have had lots of long term relationships of 2, 4, 6 and 3 years' duration before him - so I do have lots to compare him to!)

So he's essentially perfect apart from one MAJOR flaw!

That flaw is that he has what I can only describe as extreme commitmentphobia. It's like commitmentphobia on steroids! Will give you a very brief summary of our relationship history (in bullet points!) so you have a brief idea of what's gone on (next post....).

OP posts:
butterscotchbiscuit · 21/09/2012 15:48

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blackcurrants · 21/09/2012 17:27

Sweetie, there are a lot of people whom we love, who say they love us, but who we can't be with. Either because the circumstances aren't right (I love you! But I'm about to move to Australia for ever!) or because they aren't right.

You loved him. He loved you. It wasn't enough.

That's one of the most important lessons I've ever learned, and oh god it was hard. Love it not enough - other things have to work, too. Honestly I blame disney - I spent soo long thinking if you just love someone enough, then everything will work out alright in the end - but it's not true. You can't love someone whole/better/different. If you could, there'd be no abusive partners, no alcoholics, no depresssives .. no sadness in the world, right?

Life isn't that simple. Life isn't hard or horrible or impossible, but it's never, never as simple as "love enough and fix the world." Other things have to be right too, and you and he weren't right for each other, because you wanted different things.

it's okay to grieve it, but grieve it like you do when someone has died from a painful illness: it's miserably sad, but they are released from suffering.

It's miserably sad that you're broken up. But you're both released from being with someone who just wasn't right.

kalidasa · 21/09/2012 18:47

Haven't read the whole thread I'm afraid but I really empathise. I spent a few years in my late 20s in a really similar on-off thing with a guy with a long history of commitment-phobia; I tried to walk away repeatedly and kept failing. Like you we spent a long time "not together" but behaving like a couple in lots of ways. I was so convinced that if he could just work through his issues we could be happy, and that that was what I wanted. The shift for me started when, after a lot of thinking, I reached the conclusion that actually there had to be something in me that was perpetuating the situation as well. Even though I really believed that I wanted him to commit and settle down, and his constant shilly-shallying genuinely caused me a lot of pain, in the end I had to admit that something was keeping me there, in an obviously unsatisfactory relationship. So to some extent and on some level it must be what I wanted. I found this realisation very hard to accept but it was a huge shift for me - as I realised that it was as much about me as it was about him and although I could do nothing to change him, I really could work on myself.

At around this time I moved away for work anyway, which helped with the distancing from him (though we still ended up spending Christmas together!); I was really enjoying my new job and started some therapy to tackle my own feelings about intimacy. I also did some casual dating at this time, but nothing serious. Over a year I made quite a lot of progress in identifying why I might, deep down, be very anxious about intimacy myself and began to feel more ready for a "real" relationship.

After about a year of this I met my now DP. We were friends a bit, and then had a couple of months of 'courtship' and then got together. I was very honest with him from the beginning about my relationship history, and that I was aware that I had some fears about intimacy. I'm glad I did because I really fell for him, and then a couple of months in I hit an absolute WALL of panic, really similar to what you describe your guy as experiencing. I felt unbearably anxious, cried all the time, kept getting ill (v. obviously psychosomatic!), it was awful. I felt panicked by his presence but also furious and upset (like a toddler!) if he so much as left the room! But I was really determined to work through it, I kept talking to him, I started seeing a therapist again (I'd moved again by this time), and (crucially) he was fantastic about it. I won't lie, it was really tough on us both for several months but a year or so on and we are living together and I am expecting a baby. I still have difficulties at certain points - especially if we've been apart for a bit - but we both have a handle on it and I really feel that I have got beyond something that had been silently dictating my emotional life for years and years. We both did a lot of reading on "attachment" which I found very helpful.

After about a year of not seeing my ex at all, to protect my new relationship, I now see him occasionally as a friend without any problems or angst (or longing!). He is good company, but to be honest the extent of his "issues" are now very clear to me and I find it quite sad, as he is in his early 50s now and I don't think he will ever be able to have a satisfactory relationship.

Anyway, I'm not sure if any of that is any help to you but I suppose the key thing is that I was able to begin the process of walking away when I recognised that the situation was as much about me as it was about him but that my own feelings and actions (unlike his) were something I could work on and control.

savemefromrickets · 23/09/2012 14:14

That got me thinking!!

Ava7Susan · 14/08/2017 01:23

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