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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me, please

185 replies

lionsgorawr · 04/09/2012 13:15

I'm considering leaving my partner as I am so unhappy with our life. He hardly helps out, wont look for a job and is now being MADE to by the JC and I feel like everything is left to me...Especially taking care of our 14mo DD. Also he can be the most horrible person I've ever met by saying things he knows hurts me like how my own brother probably crashed his car and died to get away from me and my mother.
What terrifies me is I have history of PND and I hold my hands up and admit I have raised my voice on more than one occasion to my DD. He has already told me if I ever tried to leave him he would tell any lie possible to get custody of our child. I actually contacted Womans Aid today and they said if I wanted to do it tomorrow, their offices shut at 3. The dilemma I'm facing is the fact that he has an interview at 3.45 and I wouldn't be able to do it then. I just don't know if I'd be able to wait around much longer and I'm scared I might just cave and put up with it.
I just dont know what to do really! My mum has told me I can come to hers (which is over the other end of the country) but I know SS would have issues with that as my mum had a drug problem (not herion or anything. More hash and valium) she is clean now and is willing to prove it but I don't want to risk doing anything that would cause me to lose DD So I know I have to do it through womans aid.
Please, any advice would be really appreciated!

OP posts:
allaboutthekids · 10/09/2012 22:42

Bored hou hit the nail on the head. It was not a normal relationship. They both had their faults but you werent there. We were!! You choose what you want to believe but I hold documentary evidence of everything I say. FF can only get the appropriate guidance from members on here if she gives them accurate information.

Houseofplain · 10/09/2012 22:42

Ff.He's a classic abuser. The fact you've now got his family. Online stalking you. On a parenting forum. Hacking your online accounts and photocopying doctoring posts for their own gains.

You have proof now. This is not normal.

Shows the fucked up scenario you've escaped from. Social services have heard it all before. Delete this thread op.

MadameOvary · 10/09/2012 22:44

boredandrestless (which incidentally sums up how i felt trying to wade through that post above. The one without any paragraphs) I can only imagine how many of us are lurking and rolling our eyes.
To itsallabahtthekidsinnit have my first ever Biscuit

hungoverandembarrassed · 10/09/2012 22:44

The very fact that you have found your way in here proves how controlling your son and your family are. Changing her Facebook password and tracking her down on an anonymous web forum? Very creepy behaviour. We have no reason to accept your version of events over hers, but tbh your behaviour sounds far more sinister. And how can you be 100% sure you can believe all that your precious son tells you anyway?

hungoverandembarrassed · 10/09/2012 22:47

Oh, and are you going to deny your wife phoned the police and pretended to be someone else?

boredandrestless · 10/09/2012 22:48

I guess we can see where your son got his morals and boundaries from can't we.

I have enough information thank you.

This is not appropriate for you to be posting on here like this and the fact that you cannot see that tells me all I need to know about you and your son. I suggest you step away from mumsnet, you are doing yourself and your son no favours here or in real life.

Doha · 10/09/2012 22:51

From the almost unreadable post from allaboutthekids and the posts from FF it would seem that FF and her DD have made a very wise move away from this awful controlling family.
The fact that you are stalking her on MUMSNET not dadsmet or grandfathersnet (if there is one) is very very telling.
Stay well away from these people OP

allaboutthekids · 10/09/2012 22:52

For goodness sake this is a public site. Its not child abduction. Thats more FFs kind of game. It is our family that rescued FF from her abusive mother. We have fed her cleaned and decorated for her to be thanked like this. It was my ex wife that phoned the Police and gave her own name. Maybe you should look up the word gullible!!!!!

hungoverandembarrassed · 10/09/2012 22:58

How on earth would you even know she posted on here if not for hacking in to her personal stuff? Regardless of what her own mum is like, she really jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire with your son didn't she? She has never said she is going to stop you seeing dc. Leave her alone and let her rebuild her life! She is getting support from relevant agencies, let them decide who is the biggest threat to her, you lot, or her own family. I bet I can guess what they will decide... And she has no abducted anyone, she has left a dysfunctional relationship.

Jellykat · 10/09/2012 23:04

Your telling of events do not tally with FFs, have you actually read her posts? She is not denying contact for you or your son.

The fact you have printed her previous posts to take to a solicitor is not non-biased as you claim, and neither is your post..
You have fed, cleaned and decorated for her to be thanked like this? Like what exactly???
'Thats more FFs kind of game'.. Aggressive or what, you are clearly attacking her, she has not done so to you, that says a lot to me.

I had a private conversation with FF re. her mother over the weekend, and she explained things to me very clearly.

This is a support thread for FF, i for one think you should have allowed her to have that and respected it.

boredandrestless · 10/09/2012 23:10

FF hasn't abducted anybody - she has moved. With her own daughter.

CatPower · 10/09/2012 23:37

FF - you've got documented evidence here of your ex's family stalking you and intimidating you online. Print this out and give it to your solicitor or contact at WA do it can be used as proof of their unreasonable behaviour.

You have done the best thing ever in leaving your ex. Don't let him or his awful family get you down, don't waste a second's thought on their bizarre behaviour. You can organise contact for DD with your ex through a third party or contact centre - your posts here also prove you're keen for DD to have a relationship with her father.

Nobody's perfect, as parents we all make mistakes along the way. The key is to have real support and encouragement around you so that you can learn and grow as a person. Now you've ended the relationship I think you've got that support from your family and friends - you can tell from the tone of your recent posts how much happier you are! Stick to your guns, keep your chin up and be happy. You deserve it. X

allaboutthekids · 10/09/2012 23:47

Except her solicitor will get a copy of the posts from ours. Anyway I will leave you all to your parochial views of men!! I have done what I come on here to do. Theres 2 sides to every story. Ask FF if I ever took my sons side over hers?? I always told her not to let him get his own way. I always told her she should keep contact with her family. She always told me that they didnt have a problem and that it was unsafe to go near her mother. Good night!!

Doha · 11/09/2012 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

cordiality · 11/09/2012 08:08

allaboutthekids it's unfair and cruel for you to have posted on here, sadly you have probably taken away FF's source of support and release at this difficult time. What a nasty thing to do to someone who you say yourself is depressed and needs support.

Sometimes putting your own side across is not as important as allowing someone their privacy and personal space. Shame on you.

FinallyFree1 · 11/09/2012 08:37

I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere. I know I'm a good mum to my DD and I will not let anyone tell me any different!

Whocansay · 11/09/2012 08:51

Glad to see you back FF! From your ex's dad's post above, its absolutely clear that you made the right decision to leave. What sort of people would begrudge you getting support? And his last post shows that he now feels threatened because you can prove stalking to your solicitor.

Hope you're OK.

FinallyFree1 · 11/09/2012 09:07

I'm okay, they can say whatever they want about me, all I care about is getting this over and done with quickly for DDs sake! Not playing games. Despite what exps df has said, I still stick by wanting DD to have a relationship with them, she loves them and do not want to take that away from her

CaptainHoratioWragge · 11/09/2012 09:19

FF- I have reported allaboutthekids messages so MN might delete them.

Please make copies of this page now as these messages will be valuable to your solicitor in protecting you from this sort of behaviour in the future.

I'm sitting on the sofa having my third MC, feeling sorry for myself, your thread has given me courage- if you can soldier on with this s**t to deal with, then I can too.

You are a star

topknob · 11/09/2012 09:26

MUMSNET DO NOT DELETE THE POSTS FROM HIS FAMILY !

topknob · 11/09/2012 09:27

What a vile family they are, FF you have a whole new life ahead without this toxic family controlling you, no wonder you were depressed with them around, dragging you down.

FinallyFree1 · 11/09/2012 09:45

Captain- I am so sorry to hear that. I don't know what I could say to help you feel better :( my thoughts are with you x

Thanks everyone for your support, its been so helpful!

CaptainHoratioWragge · 11/09/2012 09:46

FF just reading your about your courage has made me feel better x

FinallyFree1 · 11/09/2012 09:57

Thank you I'm glad I could help even without knowing it x

Jellykat · 11/09/2012 10:04

FF I'm so relieved you're still here! After reading the tone of his posts we are more behind you then ever.

Am supposed to be working, so am posting and running, just needed to say you are amazing!

So sorry to read whats happening Captain, my thoughts are with you too x