Help me, please

[lionsgorawr]

I'm considering leaving my partner as I am so unhappy with our life. He hardly helps out, wont look for a job and is now being MADE to by the JC and I feel like everything is left to me...Especially taking care of our 14mo DD. Also he can be the most horrible person I've ever met by saying things he knows hurts me like how my own brother probably crashed his car and died to get away from me and my mother.
What terrifies me is I have history of PND and I hold my hands up and admit I have raised my voice on more than one occasion to my DD. He has already told me if I ever tried to leave him he would tell any lie possible to get custody of our child. I actually contacted Womans Aid today and they said if I wanted to do it tomorrow, their offices shut at 3. The dilemma I'm facing is the fact that he has an interview at 3.45 and I wouldn't be able to do it then. I just don't know if I'd be able to wait around much longer and I'm scared I might just cave and put up with it.
I just dont know what to do really! My mum has told me I can come to hers (which is over the other end of the country) but I know SS would have issues with that as my mum had a drug problem (not herion or anything. More hash and valium) she is clean now and is willing to prove it but I don't want to risk doing anything that would cause me to lose DD So I know I have to do it through womans aid.
Please, any advice would be really appreciated!

Good luck OP. You are a stellar example to your little girl by leaving your DP and showing her that women deserve a partner who loves and respects them.

All the best xx

Thinking of you OP and sending strength and courage to you. Xxx

Good luck today OP, thinking of you.

Good luck today lions.

good luck today sweetheart. You are doing the right thing - sort out the details later but for now, get you and your daughter free. thinking of you xx

I fled from my abusive ex and went to my parents. I remember the confusion and fear, feeling bad that I was 'doing this to him'. but I wasn't doing anything to him, I was claiming my freedom, which was my right. It was him who kept me a prisoner and he can't do that. No-one can do that to anybody.

izzy is right about them sensing it. My ex actually told he me he knew something was up - I left him very much in the way you are planning to and have never looked back. Act as normally as you can. Saying you feel a bit under the weather may be a good idea to throw him off suspecting you are going out when he does. If you can't get out for whatever reason (no key, or money) just ring the police.

Good luck getting out safely today lions. It will be strange at first but you are making the right decision. It sounds like going to the WA near your mums is the best idea as they will support you and you will have family nearby. I visited a refuge with my DS and got some support and was offered a place. It was a nice building full of friendly supportive women. My DS played happily while I cried on the nice lady's shoulder and filled in some forms for benefits and grants.

Your DD will be ok on the train. Lots to see out of the window, a few snacks and toys and she will be fine. Also don't be shy of asking for help getting on and off, I travel a lot on the train with DS and people have always helped if I ask them.

Morning lions. Good luck for today, you are doing the right thing for you and your little girl. I'll be thinking of you this afternoon xx

Good luck Lions. Take plenty of food and drinks for little one. You will feel so free so soon.

I just want to say that I really admire you. I was just sitting here reading through the thread and I tried to imagine what I would do if my partner was being abusive. It would be incredibly difficult to walk away from my home and most of my things, not to mention the upheaval in terms of work/childcare etc etc. it takes an awful lot of strength to make such a big life change, especially at a time when you have had the confidence slowly sucked out of you by his emotional abuse. I too would probably waver so don't feel bad about that, but be reassured that you are absolutely 100% doing the right thing. The very fact that it is logistically difficult for you to keep possession of your own mobile phone and purse absolutely confirms that your relationship is very wrong. Good luck today, you are a brave and wonderful woman. Hope dd enjoys her train ride! Please pop back when you can and let us know how you are getting on.

Wishing you all the best for today Lions xx

Lions please go through with your plan, you both need to get out, it will never get any better and the fact that he feels he has the right to take your bank card and phone when he leaves the house, therefore rendering you a virtual prisoner shows he is not a man who will ever see reason. He honestly doesn't think he is doing anything wrong and your DD will think this sort of relationship is normal. She deserves to have a free and happy mummy and if you leave today you will become just that whereas I you stay you will only get worse. It must be so frightening but all you need to do is pack a few things and get on a train, thats it. Just think of doing it in small steps. You can do it Lions! Thinking of you.

Good luck! You are being very brave and are most definitely doing the right thing.

Just to say I'm thinking of you. Stay strong. Eyes on the prize and all that x

Thinking of you x

Another one here thinking of you Sweetie x

You can do it! We're all sending you love and support xxxx

Agree with livid!

Hope you're ok lion. Please don't be scared to come back to the thread if you didn't manage to get away today, not a single soul will judge you. xx

Been checking to see if all went well. I agree - don't be afraid to come back if you didn't manage to escape. Hoping that no news is good news...

Yes lions, whatever today's outcome please do come back and let us know you're ok.

It's me! We did it! I think he's called the police so have turned my phone off. I've to go to WA tomorrow at 4 but to call in morning for an interview. He has changed my FB password, cant get in touch with my neighbour who helped me get away today. DD is now tucked up in bed :) Just waiting on mum coming home from work. Feels so weird sitting here with my dad again! Thank you everyone! We're safe now.

oh well done lion! you are FREEEE

I'm wondering if it might be an idea to talk to the police at some stage? he has reported you missing (I assume?) and you may want to update them about what is actually happening. ie that you are fleeing a controlling abuser.

how do you know he called the police btw?

I hope you have a peaceful night, both. and that you get moved to a refuge quickly. well done sweetheart

I had diverted all calls from him and his family to voicemail and accidently answered an unknown number whilst trying to turn my phone off...Stupid touch screen. All I heard was "Can I speak to -myname-please", quickly hung up and turned phone off. WA has told me if police turn up here, they cant make me or DD go back which is a relief. Too scared to call the police myself just incase he hasn't and I put my foot in it :\

Very happy to hear you got away :)

You can always set up a new fb account and add your neighbour, in fact a new shiney fb where he can't get to you sounds pretty good to me.

Stay safe, and use your lovely parents for support. Good luck at WA tomorrow! x

wow! Well done lions/finallyfree!
....have been thinking of you today, saying ... I hope she's on that train! Oh I hope she's OK ... and you are. :) :)
Keep your guard up FF, and it's a good idea to keep your phone off, but you're out and that's what matters. Next steps will come soon enough. Sleep well!