Honey traps leading to kinky fuckery and other dating adventures (No 21)

[KirstyWirsty]

I want to know what Nicholas's tip was ... and the last thread was full!

Feeling really low tonight. Missing being in a proper relationship so so much. Have had a shit day and just want someone there for me. I think the weekend just brought it home how much I miss the little things, sitting in the garden chatting, having someone in the same bed, someone to hug and hold hands with. Maybe things will work out with him, maybe they won't, but I just miss that love and closeness so much.

Not sure I am cut out for all this but can't see another way forward.

I'm actually sitting here crying. How bloody sad is that?

OhWesternWind

Don't know what to suggest but have a and a hug.

My friends keep telling me that if its meant to be, it will happen, that if you're right for each other just trust that you'll find a way etc. but its so bloody frustrating feeling like you're at the mercy of someone else to choose you all the time isn't it.

I know what you mean about the little things, a cuddle on the sofa, holding hands etc, but I never got any of that with my stbxh, so although I'm sad I don't have it now, at least I have the HOPE of one day having that!

Try to think positive - have you tried Cosmic Ordering? I know it sounds like a load of bollocks, but actually I think it could be useful just to clarify to yourself exactly what you're looking for in a man and make sure you don't settle for anything less.

x

Western :(
Eat chocolate, drink wine, wallow a bit... And then pick yourself up And carry on..with a big smile.

Mrl is coming round tomorrow night to ' talk' so, I'm going to go with the being honest thing. Explain what wasnt working for me. How bloody incredibly grown up.
Have also told him sex Will not be happening.

MadameO - I can't, I did the asking the first time, if he wants to see me he's going to have to do it! We'd been chatting all friday evening and I finally asked if he was free on Sunday. He replied "I'm gutted! I would love to but I have my kids all weekend. How about meeting for a coffee mid-week? Let's catch up on Monday and arrange something then." So....it's monday. He's messaged me several times but can't seem to form the words, "So, when would you like to get that coffee?"

WW - (((hugs))) I'm sorry, I know how you feel. I only realise now in hindsight that I never really had that kind of closeness with my XH. I mean, he was here, we shared a bed, had sex, occassionally a cuddle and if he wasn't in too foul a mood he might occassionally listen to me talk about my day..but it was only when I met Mr60 this summer that I realised what i was missing - someone who wanted to hold my hand, wanted to be there for me, cared about how I was feeling. That's the kind of closeness I want. Nothing wrong with a good cry. xxx

Oh thank you all of you. I never had this with my ex either, well not after the late 1990s anyway! Which I think was why it was so lovely to have a day of that sort of stuff this weekend. I am worried I am in a dangerous place and will get blinded by the wanting to be in a relationship thing and will end up in another abusive relationship. I think my weekend bloke is lovely but I am worried I am reading him or the situation wrong.

Doing it -yes yes at least I have the possibility of having these things in my life now, if not today then sometime soon. Thank you for that and for the cosmic ordering suggestion. Have tried it before for money and it worked so why not?

Snail-definitely a chocolate night

Yoga girl - yep, feel just like you and Mr60.

Oh western. A hug and a cuppa. It's strange how it hits you isn't it? I can be ok for a while then it hits me: I am on my own. I miss the strangest things, having pudding together, going to the supermarket together, watching tv.
Then I remind myself of the shit and Im ok for a while. I find distraction the only way to deal with it.

Yoga. That's really frustrating. I think just ask him and take no excuses. This is it with texting, it diverts from the point.

Not sure it helps but seems a bit simpler than cosmic ordering, when unsure re anything sit down and find three things under these three points:
What I am
What I can
What I have

I'm worried that I've been a bit too forward with Mr Mutual. He does work long hours, says he can't do personal stuff on the computer at work, and had his son last weekend and will next but we haven't texted, emailed a great deal. Not quite sure what arrangements are re Friday. I made suggestive joke and thankfully got funny reply so am not worried he thinks I'm really into kinky fuckery. But I'd really quite like a wee bit more communication given the passionate snogging that went on after date 2 and 3.
Any thoughts?

Struwel - how much communication is happening? Couple of times a day, couple of times a week? Length, style and content?

What was he like before? Has it always been sporadic?

Western, I can really empathise with what you're saying. I feel so lonely a lot of the time. Yes, I have friends, but it's not the same as having someone around to hold hands with, chat about your day, cuddle in bed, etc. It's over two years since my ex and I split up, and I honestly don't think I'm going to meet anyone else - and the thought of being alone for the rest of my life isn't great. (Sorry, that was meant to be a supportive reply but ended up being more a woe-is-me moan, sorry!)

Was a few messages via site, then I was away on holiday and let him know. Came back messaged and suggested meeting up which we did. Had nice couple of hours ... I was in post holiday black mood and thought fuck it I'll meet to see if any mileage.
Wasn't that sure myself - discussed wanting friendship more than anything else as he is separated not divorced and I had DA relationship before. Did a few texts re meeting up and met up nice drink followed by snog.
Really just texts to arrange next meetup which was long walk, talk, pub and more snogging - both times really initiated by him. I messaged him re how nice that was etc. We did discuss practical issues of putting desire into action. So both being a bit cautious but definite attraction there I think. I could fall for him (not my intention first off) but all seems to be either a bit scary or a bit distant. . I'm kinda hoping for fun or finding friend but not quite this mixture. Of course, I'd like to shag him ... but not quite sure re anything else

Fuck it - just sent him a message to ask if he's still interested in meeting for that coffee sometime.

Cheering myself up arranging dates with quarry man who's been messaging me since early August and (possibly) Plan B man.

I know what we can do to cheer ourselves up. We should ALL message MadamO's Englishman abroad and tell him we want to come live on his little island and be his harem. Wonder what he'd make of that!

Wasn't there a film about that some time ago? Though with just one woman?

Western I think it hits us all at times, however full and busy life is, there will inevitably be times when we all feel lonely. Although tbh, when things were at their absolute worst with the Evil Ex, I actually felt far lonelier than I ever have since. The feeling will pass though, just be kind to yourself in the meantime :)

Yoga any reply from MrCoffee?

Watch how did the talk with MrL go?

I've had a couple of texts from the man. He is feeling poorly. He is still pet-naming me and lots of x's though which I'm hoping is a good sign....I don't think it's a bad one at any rate.

Where's MLM?

Yoga Dont tempt me. I want to message him and say "You want constructive criticism? Seriously?"
But even typing that I know I'd lose the will to live half way through. Let's face it, those are important minutes of your life that you will never get back.

Struwel - how about just going for it and shagging him? Might either get it out of you'd system of move things along a bit!

Too true madam O. It was the bit that said he was growing into his own skin!

So, friend who has been gushing about his girlfriend suddenly texts me asking to meet me tonight. I say if it's to talk to me about the girlfriend forget it. He says they have split up. Obvious?? FGS. I wasn't born yesterday.

Bugger.

Because I am a stalker, I looked the man up on FB. He was commenting on something at midday yesterday, a full 2 hours before he text me saying he'd just woken up

That really isnt a very good sign at all :(

Sponge. You can make a nice living out of your stalking. Yes bugger. Bugger him!

Yet another man who is fairly clearly not interested in me then.

I don't know why I'm even surprised. Could've predicted it really. I'm sure everyone else saw it coming a mile off.

:(

He obviously isn't going to see me again, but lacks the bottle to tell me, hence the bollocks about being ill, just a delaying tactic to hope I get fed up waiting I suppose.

So much for pet names and X's. I am just deluded.

De-lurking to join.

Hello! I'm in a different hemisphere to you lot so won't be on the same online dating sites. I'm only on the one though.

Backstory is officially split from STBXH 6 months ago. Was with him for 11 years, married for 7. Never properly dated before him and he was my first and only so this whole dating business is really daunting. Last week he announced that he has a girlfriend so I am now getting stuck in and have a date lined up for tomorrow. He seems nice.

Been loving the advice on here. I have been really picky so far in who I chat with. Thing is I'm really just after some fun, nowhere ready for a relationship, and so far most have been 'friend' potential (due to my interests I get on really well with blokes mainly). The only one I have been physically attracted to and seems to tick quite a few boxes works away for work...a lot (5-7 months a year). But he is totally shagworthy

And how do you control the nerves with meeting someone new? I am really great at writing/texting but having spoken conversations is a little bit more hard and I tend to stumble a bit.