Honey traps leading to kinky fuckery and other dating adventures (No 21)

[KirstyWirsty]

I want to know what Nicholas's tip was ... and the last thread was full!

'I'm just so fed up with all of it, with looking like a complete freak, and people thinking I'm odd because men don't want to see me again. And I know people think this, because they've told me as much'

i certainly hope you don't ever see these people again.

your last pic on fb, i thought looked like Kate Bush. years-ago Kate Bush. You have amazing hair! look at your skin and your HUGE eyes! I would far rather be thought of as 'odd' than some compliant little-desperate-for a man-arm-candy-cupcake. If anyone tells you that, it's not from a position of love or friendship, it's making themselves feel better about their horrible lives by attempting o make you feel bad. They cannot make you feel anything. You control your emotions, take this shit with a huge dose of cyanide salt, nod, smile and don't hang out with these energy vampires.

we need to work on your self-esteem lovey. We really do. While i really admire your brass-balls for keeping at dating (and remember there are plenty of us here who have had shitty-shit times, i think you need to tackle these feeling of rejection head on before dating properly again. By all means keep a profile ticking over, don't contact anyone though, have a rest - how's saturday maybe for that coffee?

sorry, HANGON?! watch i might have missed.... something. I think you should contact Tim Minchin to tell him the after-effcets of being in a room with him and 399 other people has led to you having a NIGHT OF SEX!

WITH MR L.

Sponge, avoid those people, how on earth can They say that???!!!!!

Your new fb pic is beautiful. Truely.
You are a smart woman, kind, caring, funny, resillant, independent, to name just a few.

I suspect you don't get upset over the man, but over the ' failure' as you see it, and the pressure you feel from others to be with someone.

Bollocks to it.
My friend last night was after man gossip from me. Couldn't believe I.dumped mrl. Astounded I wont be with ywk. Says she cant understand how I can be happy alone. I laugh :)
I am.
Truely. And for the first time I'm not panicky about being a year older in a few weeks, I feel great about how I look, though its far from perfect. And I Feel like I really ' know' where I am etc.
Meanwhile, shes in a ltr with a man who wont let her put heating on in winter Yet has expensive hobbies himself.
I know whos life I would rather have.

Friends are meant to build you up and support you. Not kick you when you are down......

Id knock dating on the head for a while. Even if just.for a month. Have a break, do some things for yourself...Fuvk everyone else:)

Yes.
I know.
Urgh

Its just, well. I was very horny. And he's very good at sex. And I am.evil and used.the poor boy for my own selfish gains...

( though I.Didnt know he loved me)

It wasnt planned. He asked, he was round the corner. I just got back.... Thought why not. And I needed to return some of his books.... One thing led to another.

And tim in the flesh is more lovely than you can imagine. He's just wonderful. So clever......

And my friend I went with Says my Nickname at the school gates is ' posh watch' because, apparently I speak well. Hysterical.

sponge - anyone who could possibly be rude about your appearance at a first meeting, is being deliberately nasty to bolster their pathetic egos.
Looking at the photo you have here, you look rather desirable and...I dunno, ... fun to be with. Also disturbingly like a woman with whom I had a very close (ahem) friendship for three or four years.
So retire slightly hurt, give yourself time to recover and know that you're fanciable.

'i was very horny and he's very good at sex' is NOT an adequate reason I'm afraid! whats going to happen now?! has he contacted you? have you contacted him? and now he loves you! he's IN LOVE WITH YOU! sex hormones! ping! ping! ping! ping!

this is quite exciting.

Melange thank you for taking the time to write our your lovely post upthread. I do appreciate it & how lovely that things eventually worked out for you. :) Chatting away to the prof today, no filth - talking about Harry Potter and childrens names.. we were meant to have a booty-call today, but DD has a 'study day' which should mean moping around the shopping centre, but actually means is-at-home-where-i-should-be-having-sex-right-now. rearranged for wednesday. PM texted me at 2.51 this morning with a doctor who related question (cause that wont wait!) seeing him tonight at the gym. Kind of need him to ask about the prof, so we can steer conversation around to why the prof isn't right for me.

Oh, it's a very good reason :)

Yes, hes Been in contact. I've replied a few times......

It's not exciting. Its stupid.
I cant date him. Hes not a match for me. Some kind of casual thing would be ok, you know, lots of sex, not much else. But since he bloody loves me thats not really fair and I would be an utter shit to even suggest it.

Pm and that text... I had one from ywk at 4 ish. He wss sulking bevsgse I said tim was cleverer And had better hair than him... Silly man.

And prof for filth wed? Good!!!,:)

Oh, And now a fb request from him.
:(
I should have Kept it in my pants.....

ping! ping! ping! ping!

it's exceptionally stupid. exciting He might agree to lots of sex, but he LUFFS YOU and you cant have sex with him because he'll have an emotional attachment and you'll just be randy. Of course he might just be saying that he loves you in order to have sex-last-night - we have no way of knowing.

Tim has better hair than everyone. He has better hair than PM & that's saying something. the prof has nice hair too. christ, I'm superficial...

i feel a bit sorry for mr-L now. Need to remind myself that he's tight fisted (not in the nice way that the prof is, TMI! ) and called mini-watch 'fatty'.

Exactly.
Don't feel sorry for him

He said it mid Fuck, several times.
And then afterwards too. While I pretended to be asleep....

Urgh.

I am exceptionally stupid.

Ive seen pm's hair ( thank you fb) Yeah, hot :)
I think last night I must have said ' Fuck, his HAIR' and swooned about 100 Times. It's quite long and in a ponytail.... With all bits pulled out in a mess of ginger scruffness.

It's entirely his fault I was frustrated I suspect..

Hmmmm.
You know. I really don't quite know what to do here. I see three options:
1- ignore my morals and suggest some kind of casual thing, knowing full well how he feels, and that I'd be taking horrible advantage.
2 - have an honest conversation about the parts that weren't working for me in some lame attempt to move forward ( but I belive in accepting people as they are And not trying to change them, which is what id be doing
3 - hide.

Help?

move to france and marry matt smith Tim Minchin?

I wouldn't believe anything anyone said mid-fuck, so we can discount those. the post-fuck is just sex hormones, so we can discount that as well.

option 4 - have an honest conversation about what wasnt working for you and then move forwards and DONT SLEEP WITH HIM AGAIN. EVER.

this is all Tims fault. I hope he's proud.

What do you really want to do, Watch? The ILY stuff is a bit unnecessary though, if not reciprocated and makes things awkward, so it might be time to bow out gracefully (as opposed to hiding).

My memberships up tomorrow on Match and I don't feel like renewing, both because of my ongoing thang which I hope will develop and also because I'm not too enamoured of anyone local on there - apart from one who I've asked if he wants to keep in touch (and be a back-up if the other all goes tits up). BUT I don't want my weekend guy (need to think if a name for him) to think I am chucking in dating on the strength if a night of passion. Would not be at all cool. So, should I mention it to him beforehand or just delete my profile and say nowt?

delete, say nothing. :)

Oh, I feel like hiding.
:)

I can't do a honest talk about why I dumped him. It's too much like character assisanation. And for someone else those traits might work???!!!??
So, it's not fair....

Id send a message and say your sub is up...

Oh no, conflicting advice, I can't handle it!

Watch, maybe just say it's got a bit intense and you're not looking for that kind of relationship? Then block/ignore knowing you have done the right thing.

hang on - who are you telling/not telling that you're renewing your sub - plan B guy or weekend date guy? I meant, tell plan b guy your sub is up and keep in contact elsewhere if you are happy doing so, say nothing to weekend guy.

thank you all for being so absolutely lovely to me. I was feeling better when I started reading but am a bit teary now as you have all been so very kind to me. Thank you. I honestly mean that :)

I am resolved to listen to people who actually like me more, and ones who are just mean for the sake of it less.

My date has been in touch, he is still feeling sorry for himself ill. I'm running out of ways to say 'poor you, hope you feel better'. He's used the pet name again so I feel less totally despairing. Am trying to be a bit more wait and see about it all.

I think I must be a bit mad. I know I'm pretty, have a good figure, decent personality, good job etc. Yet I never expect a man to appreciate any of that, or that any of it is 'enough' to get me a relationship. Hence me not having much faith in anything happening with this guy, even though he has said he thinks Im beautiful and clever, amazing, etc.

Ok, so I had decided to give older man a chance on the understanding we'd be friends and see what happens. As soon as we had arranged to meet he got all heavy saying I was the one for him, he doesn't want anyone else...we haven't even met ffs!! So i've told him to back off it's too much for me and cancelled the meet. Now he's backtracking saying he was stupid, friends is fine. So how do I disengage? It's never goting to work with him, he is far too needy for my liking.
Now there is another guy, gorgeous, sexy and I thought very nice...but, we got onto the subject of kids, he doesn't have any but his sister does. He said kids get away with too much because we are not allowed to punished them in the traditional way and he respects his dad for giving him a battering!!! Huge red flag or am I over analysing?
FFS why is it so hard to find a decent, normal man? Do the even exist?

Short answer - no :)

Just to add, when I said earlier about looking like a freak, I didnt mean that I think theres anything wrong with how I look as such. I meant more that I appear to be a freak to others because I can't get a man. But I know by now their opinions tbh are not ones I should listen to....

Sorry, bit confusing there. I have told Mr PlanB that my membership is up and asked if he wants to stay in touch off the site. It is my lovely weekend bloke that I don't know whether to tell or not as I don't want him to think I am chucking in the wonderful world if online dating after a night in his bed. It is just pure coincidence that these two things are happening so close together (plus I'm still on another site that he's not on). So, I didn't know whether to just have my profile disappear with no explanation or to drop into conversation casually that my membership's expired . . .

Tess. Huge red flag flapping in the wind for Mr Childbeater. Run run run. Foul man.

Tess:

a) Don't answer any of his messages/texts.

b) Red flag in my book. Unless you agreed with him. In which case I'd pity the children. :( (sounds like a BIL who told me I should smack DS for not eating. I could have hit him myself. Grr)

Finally, I don't think there's "normal" in men, as there are no "normal" women or children. I think there are many decent men, but definitely not perfect. But maybe not so much on ID and only some that we fit with, for various reasons. And some may be right at a time and not at another, and vice versa.