I'm quite happy with a jar of Branstons

[LouP19]

Morning all.

Talking of Toast Toppers, he took 2 tins of that as well. Yes, really.

My pantry is now full of Heinz cheese ravioli and Tesco sausage and beans.

Just what we all need now a nice little flirtation

Fantastic post Springy.

YAY! For a flirtatious lunch....marvellous for the ego!

Now what about a new thread title, what were the suggestions ages ago?

I actually laughed out loud at Picalilli Pants which was mentioned upthread, I think that would be a good thread title.

Enjoying Mild Flirtations with a Linguistics Scholar ?

Wow - just spent ten very enlightening, but somewhat depressing, minutes reading from the book linked to in springydaffs thoughtful, helpful and supportive post. It's truly shocking how entrenched are the controlling behaviours of some men (the book is about men) towards their partners.

All the alarming, controlling things about Lou's H's way of speaking and behaving to her, that Lou's started to realise these past three weeks, seem to chime with the typical pattern described in the intro. to this book. Well done springy for speaking up, I hope Lou might derive some insight from this book if she chooses to look at it. At the very least, I shall be suggesting it to a DFriend of mine, who has been with at least two twunts.

Oh great news! Very pleased to know that during my the ten minutes reading on line about controlling abusive twunts Lou was enjoying a happy diversion in the form of the lunch time chat with a lissome linguist. Much better.

Wonderful post springy. So succinct, so true. And yes to the Humour therapy.

It's not funny at ALL when you're first left that chewed up mess...but a few months/years down the line it's hilarious. They are hilarious.

I do feel sorry for the string of victims they go on to chew up though. And the kids they leave abandoned in their wake.

Oh PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use my Picalilli Pants as the new thread title.
It would be such an honour! [sycophant emoticon] Pretty please.

Great post Springy and I have been thinking that perhaps counsellors etc need to speak to people on the receiving end in these situations in such blatant terms to help the person understand what they are facing.

After you have been deconstructed and put in such a bad place, it takes a lot to recognise what happened and to also say aloud this is what happened; this person was not nice. I hit a bad period and a turning point was a discussion on what were the person's redeeming features. The few I thought I could recognised could also be explained in terms of the manipulative character e.g. friendly and nice.... in order to play the game and get what they want.

Having somebody help a person understand the dynamics and holding up the reality of what has been described can make a difference. Suddenly, you aren't the root cause. Disengagement from toxic individuals is important; they will never perceive themselves as at fault nor understand that they were wrong. They do not want to be reasonable.

I have to say what woke me up was a counsellor who had seen both me and exH telling me he was a very, very angry man. I knew this. I had lived with it for years. I knew the anger was always there right below the surface but this counsellor had seen him (and presumably seen him on his best behaviour) four times and she had seen it too.

I agree, a counsellor who is inclined to search for the silver lining and try to put the best spin on everyone's motivations and behaviour can only succeed in prolonging the agony for many.

On counsellors: as far as I know, there are well-known divisions in the field between client-led and counsellor-led approaches, depending on their training and ideological orientation. So, to pick a very obvious example, some counsellors will approach everything through the prism of childhood and gently steer sessions back to that subject, while others will advertise themselves as being "person-centred" and be more interested in allow the therapy to be led by the client's feelings. So it's quite possible different people come away from different counsellors with very different experiences - and some will probably be getting what they need more than others.

(For the avoidance of doubt, it sounds to me as if Lou is getting the right kind of counselling for her!)

Evening all, thank you for your comments.

The Linguistics scholar told me to look out for him on Wednesday afternoons,...... This has never happened to me before, and I think he came along to sprinkle a bit of confidence in my step. God bless him. He also had a lovely tank top on too and looked like an academic Lenny Henry.

My next door neighbour has been in hospital to have an operation, so I've offered to take their dog out in the evenings for the next few days. It's a very pleasant diversion and I have to say tonight in the evening sunshine much needed. All I could see was tail and ears in the hay.

Had a letter today from my solicitor, summarising the appointment last week and things they recommend preparing whilst I'm thinking about the baby.

And that's about all really. Personally I thought my counsellor was great, she recognised there was an urgency in the situation and as I quickly summarised my relationship with STBXH I positively welcomed her insights into him and out relationship (him being the controller/manipulator etc). The last thing I need right now is someone going 'Hmmm, so how did it make you feel being dumped in a car park',...... I might as well talk to my cats!!

Hope you're all ok, appreciate your support as usual.

Just been catching up....

Village BBQ - hot tubs and Am Dram...who knew ? Still a story to tell with a smile at a later time perhaps .

Counselling - sounds like you have found someone who is helping you which is really heartwarming news!

Flirting - I am far from surprised that someone would find you an attractive and engaging person based on your posts. Glad your ego got that boost (or should we say confirmation from a 3rd party) today!

Crumpets - Yum, thats it, just yum

Totally agree, I found that kind of reflective counselling completely maddening. Because the answer (in the car park instance!) is "Well, quite shit, obviously." Maybe if that ISN'T the automatic answer, the reflective approach has value. She sounds good.

Ooh get your coat live, you've pulled . Something to look forward to on Wednesdays! Not sure about the tank top though . I once went out with a bloke who had an amazing array of "80's" jumpers, all heavily patterned. Three for £5 at the market apparently!.....

We didn't last long, lol.

Just cooking a late tea as DD wouldn't go to bed. I'm having a Tesco roast chicken dinner, £3 for two lol. Always handy for a quick meal.

Whilst talking about food I had the leftovers of my veggie chilli tonight and stirred in some crunchy peanut butter (as suggested by someone on here, can't remember who). It worked, it was lovely!

PS I thought the tank top was quite sexy,........

It's not the tank top that's sexy, it's the man wearing it!

I can't get my head around chilli with peanut butter - but maybe that's because I hate peanut butter!!!

Now chilli with dark chocolate and a splash of Rioja is bloody lovely

Enjoy the flirts chats with the linguistics scholar. The dog walking sounds great too. So nice to hear you finding moments of pleasure amongst the big hard stuff. You do sound like such a nice person and really starting to shine as you come out from Chunt's oppression.

I am looking forward to eating many crumpets with all many of toppings, culled from this thread. If this continue, I shall be 40 stone by the end of the year!

My favourite as a teen was fish paste and raspberry jam. You can't get fish paste nowadays. It's all poncy sardine, or salmon and such. I don't want anything that specific !

Have a good night Lou. You are so fantastic, I'm not surprised you got chatted up. Long may it continue!

Hello there Lou,
I've loved your recent posts, so up beat and positive, well done!!

Glad you had some flirty gossip to make you smile, though every linguist I have ever met has had a natural cat's bum face, just too much into theory! You probably made him smile for the first time in a decade!!

Your counsellor sounds just right for you, and I hope they will help you find a true pathway through the labyrinth that Chutney-chappie's actions have abandoned you in.

Rest, eat, take your time over deciding your future.

Take care of yourself, maybe use this time to find out what your available financial options re single parenthood are. There is a lot of information available on line from HMRC, also your University finance department will help.

At this point, you have to throw your information net as wide as possible, so that you can optimise the chances of you making the best decision for yourself and possibly for your child.

I don't envy you this difficult task, though you do have strong family links, and I feel your parents would support you in whatever decision you make.

I may well have overstepped some boundaries in this post, and upset you, if so, I regret that, and will understand Lou, if you have this post deleted.

Here's to Wednesdays! chink, chink!

chink glasses with Mushroom

Happy paralympics everyone!