oh god i have done something terrible, please help

[thespaghetiincident]

I got really drunk and slept with one of my friends fiances a couple of months ago, we should have told her and we didn't, it meant nothing and could have destroyed them (they're so happy). I don't want judgment (believe me i'm doing that enough my self) but i need advice.

I'm pregnant, 6 and a bit weeks and its definatly his, what do i do, part of me thinks that i should just get rid of it and tell no one, saving their marrage (they were married a fortnight ago) and his guilt, but part of me just wants to scream and shout at him and ask why he gets to go live his happy little life while i'm stuck here. oh

OP, I have been lurking unsure what to say, I just hope you are okay at the end of this. :(

If this thread and responses on it has made you come to the decision of having an abortion please think through it very clearly, only you know how you would cope and you have to weigh up if you will feel particularly bad after having the abortion.

Good luck OP, I trust you have learnt from your mistakes but I do believe you should tell your "friend" as she is married and living with someone who may cheat on her for as long as they are together and she could be wasting the best years of her life with someone who will treat her badly. I think you owe her that tbh and morally I think you would be very wrong and cowardly if you avoided telling her because of the consequences because I can promise you it will be far worse if she finds out of her own accord.

I would possibly eventually forgive a "friend" if they had done this to me but I definitely would never if they hid it from me and let me lead a life of lies.

Good luck with the GP later.

X posted. Am glad you have come to a decision OP. And I guess it will help you a bit emotionally/guilt-wise to know that the pregnancy was not a result of the liaison with your friend's husband. Good luck to you and hope you have RL support and go easy on yourself. You will come through this and you have learned a huge, painful less on x

Good luck, op. We live and learn.

Don't spend time beating yourself up (or letting others), you need a healthy sense of who you are so you don't end up feeling so bad about yourself you get into a self-destructive pattern. Lots of people screw up (I have) but it doesn't define you forever.

If there's counselling available, take it and chew over why you have been taking chances. Make sure you're a healthy happy you. Best wishes.

Op. it takes twoeople.
Don't take all of this upon yourself

Good luck later and take care of yourself.

well if the comments are about me speaking my mind then i give not a fuck tbh. I had a baby at 19, unplanned, he is now at university..... i understand that unplanned pregnancies happen - what i dont understand is why someone would sleep with their so called friends fiancee just 2 weeks before they were married, then another couple of men, while not taking any precautions at all, and not having a clue when their periods are due.... im just pointing that out, its harmful to all involved, not least of all the OP, though i suspect she has just found that out in the worst possible way.

i am not without compassion, but now may be the time to reevaluate things. I have no problem with someone enjoying playing the field, go for it, enjoy yourself, just avoid married men, engaged men, your friends men, use contraceptives and practice safe sex. I have have this discussion with DD plenty.

If you cant trust yourself not to get pissed and forget pills then use something less reliant on the user, the implant or injection, and if you cant trust yourself not to sleep with your mates fellas when pissed, dont get that pissed. The posts from the OP in which she sounded resentful of his "happy life" and stating she wanted "to stick pins in his eyes" shocked me - does no one take responsibility for their own shoddy behaviour anymore?

There's been a lot of slut shaming on this thread. I'm just glad the OP has been able to sort her head out and get herself the help she needs.

wtf is slut shaming?

i call it taking personal responsibility, personally. sounds nicer.

OP i am not sure how you have managed to find out you are 8 weeks since yesterday. I would wait until you dating scan.
In regards to telling you friend, unless you are keeping the baby and have to tell I would not. The time to tell her was before she him (which I know you know) to do it now will make you look like you are causing trouble especially as, if you do terminate, you will never prove its his.

Doing a bad thing does not make you a bad person. But i honestly think you need to look at whats happened in the last few months and make some changes.

does that mean I think i was perfect at 19, as some people suggest? no it doesn't its some advice from a 30 year old who made mistakes.

In regards to people complaining about the way some have posted. Consider this

'hi
I got married 2 weeks ago. I have just found out that my friend slept with my dh just before we got married. They slep together 6 1/2 weeks ago. I am devestated. I can't believe they let me get married knowing what they have done.
They would never have told me, however my friend is now claiming to be pregnant by my dh. I am so hurt.
I have decided what I am doing about my dh yet. But as there is a child involved i thought it best to sit down (all 3 of us) and discuss it.
At first she said she was 6 weeks pg. I said that if it was dhs, she would be 8 weeks. She then confessed to sleeping with someone before and then someone after. She also admitted that she doesn't take the pill correctly and hasn't used any additional contraception with either. (i am getting an sti check).
She then said she doesn't know when her last period was and takes regular pg tests. I replied that if it was dhs and she take test regular it would have shown up before 2 days ago (whan she took the test).
Sp basically, She doesn't know how pg she is, but is insistant its dhs. She is very angry and with him, although I am not sure why.
Can someone give me some advice about how to handle the pg? I am so angry and hurt. But i don't know what to do or make of what she has said.'

If the DW came here and posted this, people would be outraged at the OW behaviour.

OP i am not suggesting you are lying, but looking at it from her pov. She is the victim.

Well my dear I have skim read this and I feel relieved for you that the baby is not the friend's husband's.

That's something I guess.

I got pg when I was 19 and in the first yr of university. I was petrified. I had a miscarriage 2 days after finding out, but would have terminated. I feel your pain. It wasn't someone else's [partner's tho, it was a random and I did not take care of contraception properly - until that experience. ;) That taught me, the hard way.

Take good care of yourself, go through with whatever you have to go through with and then have a good sit down and think about how all of this came about. Dont' let it be a meaningless experience that you repeat because a lot of people could have been harmed here, not least of all you.

Hugs xxx Everyone makes mistakes xxx

OP if you had sex 6 and half weeks ago and are 8 weeks pg, it still could be your friends husbands.
Your pg is dated from approx 2 weeks before conception. I don't want to cause more hurt for you, just wait until the scan and they can give you the info.

Op. if you slept with your friends husband 6 weeks ago, and he got you pregnant, you will be classed as roughly 8 weeks pregnant. if you slept with the other guy 12 weeks ago, you would be classed as roughly 14 weeks pregnant.
Your pregnancy starts officially at the start of your last period. From what you say there's more than a fair chance that your friends husband is the father.

As has been mentioned already, if you are 8 weeks pregnant (as in, your last period was 8 weeks ago) then the timing of your daliance with the groom-to-be (ie 10 or so days after your last period started) is spot on for it to be him.

Where has this 8 week figure come from?

Having said that, being on the Pill means your cycle won't be reliable. The bleeds you have between packets or if you miss a couple of pills for some reason are not periods, as I'm sure you know.

It's worth knowing for future reference that some women appear to be super-fertile straight after coming off (or forgetting to take) the Pill. You need to be really, really dilligent about taking it (I have personal experience of this; or rather of not being super dilligent ).

Good luck for later, OP :)

Good luck OP.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut-shaming

I close friend of mine slept with a male friend of hers a couple of weeks before his wedding, many years ago when she was much younger and unwiser. He seems to have turned out to be a perfectly good husband and saw their one night stand as a final fling. Personally I wouldn't tell your friend, it's not obvious what there is to be gained by that for anyone.

Good luck with your decision. Perhaps going forward you should think about ways to look after yourself a bit better so you're not putting yourself at such physical and emotional risk. I was reckless at 19 in ways I can't quite believe now.

vicarinatutu gives the very best analisis of the repercussions/ fall out....much respect ,vicar.This choice takes a very strong and noble character to make it work.

Well that's a very efficient health authority to have dated you already.

8 weeks would make it your friends dh.

No wonder people have been outraged at forthright frank advice. Basic Mathis seems to be alluding many on this thread.

It doesn't matter whether the period was pill induced or not- the counting starts from then , whether the pills were run back to back or not. Logic being you are not usually PG when you bleed- though a light bleed can occur if your are PG.

Sex 6 weeks ago would mean 8 weeks PG- assuming you ovulated 2 weeks after your last period , when the counting starts.

Does he know your pregnant?
I think it is important that you talk to your friend and tell her, she deserves to know.
Do you want the baby? Irrelevant to how it was conceived do you want to have a baby? If yes then keep the child, if not then don't but they both still need to know.
He will have to give you cm and may choose to be involved with the child.
By not telling the only person you benefit is him. It does not benefit his fiancé, she deserves to know the truth before entering into marriage with him. Obviously it doesn't benefit you or the baby if you choose to keep it. It's fairest on everyone to know the facts and deal with them however, even if that means you losing her as a friend.

Krum they got married 2 weeks ago. That shipped has sailed.

He is such an arse! You need to to her op. it's horrible to be living a lie.

to those who think i havent taken leave of my senses - thank you.
but i really cant sit and brow soothe when someone is so morally bankrupt.

id love to see what would get said if the wronged wife posted on relationships.....

this isnt just the blokes fault, its not just the OPs, but 'no' is word that should begin to feature in the OPs vocabulary a little more often perhaps, along with learning some self respect, and some respect for her own sexual health.

if my dd got pg, i would hope she could talk to me. if she got pg after drunkenly sleeping her way around her friends prospective husbands, didnt have a clue who the father may be and didnt bother with contraception i would be disappointed to say the very least. Accidents happen. i cant view this situation as an accident though. sorry. the op hasnt got a clue who the father is. what a shitty situation for all concerned, and then there is a wife, married 2 weeks, totally oblivious to the fact that her mate and her husband have betrayed her.
she is the one who has my sympathy.
sorry but thats how i feel. if the OP didnt want honest opinion then she is free not to covert them from strangers on a forum, isnt she?

Imo krum its to late.
What's the point. The OP and the tosser should have told her before. Seems a bit like closing the door after the horse has bolted.
What she going to say 'i slept with x, before the wedding. I am pg but not sure whose it is or how far along I am. Could be one of 3. But I am thinking of a termination anyway so don't worry. I know I should have said before you got wee. Sorry'
The OP will come off looking like a trouble maker, who can't stand that this bloke didn't choose her.

Vicarina- come out of the pulpit.

Let him he is without sin cast the first stone.

Okay love?

The OP asked for practical help- not a lecture. She knows she has done wrong. Just leave it now at that. Okay?