oh god i have done something terrible, please help

[thespaghetiincident]

I got really drunk and slept with one of my friends fiances a couple of months ago, we should have told her and we didn't, it meant nothing and could have destroyed them (they're so happy). I don't want judgment (believe me i'm doing that enough my self) but i need advice.

I'm pregnant, 6 and a bit weeks and its definatly his, what do i do, part of me thinks that i should just get rid of it and tell no one, saving their marrage (they were married a fortnight ago) and his guilt, but part of me just wants to scream and shout at him and ask why he gets to go live his happy little life while i'm stuck here. oh

She isn't getting practical help though. People are busy congratulating her in already ruling out this husband.

As somehow she has managed to date herself to 8 weeks and call me shit at maths. But ermmmm that puts him back in the farm precisely.

The whole thread is a car crash.

Frame...Fucking iPad.

I would still rather know if I were the wife. Id want to know that he had cheated.
If the op does keep the baby a paternity test can be carried out.
She needs to know what she had married! What if they start having kids and those kids have a sibling they don't know about. I would have to tell her.
He has betrayed his wife much more imo but they are both responsible. If op keeps the baby then she needs his support as the babies father. He did this to himself. How could he bring himself to marry her after this, makes me sick. It's people like this that make marriage mean nothing.

"okay love?" yes fine thanks.

when i last checked, this was a public forum - if she doesnt want opinions then she can run to her mate cant she.

oh.....hang on a minute.....

If she is keeping the baby, then yes every should be in the frame. But at the moment she is starting the termination route. What's the point if she has a termination.
Imo (and its imo) the time has passed for confessions.

I don't agree I think she should tell the friend even if she has a termination. I still think as her friend she deserves to know that her husband is a liar and cheater. Then she can make an informed decision over whether she wants to continue a relationship with him, have children with him etc. the op made a huge mistake, the least she can do is be honest with her friend, like the husband should have been.

I completely see what you are saying, I just think it potentially going to cause more harm. I am all for tell the cheated on party.
But 2 weeks after your wedding just seems, imo, to smack of spite. They should have told her before.
If the op does decide to come clean, I feel she should after the dating scan. Going to this poor woman with 'i slept with your dh, I am pg, could be his, might not be. I have no idea.' is going to cause more, perhaps unnecessary pain.

If the man I married slept with my friend a fortnight before the wedding, I'd sure as hell want someone to tell me!
And besides. Stuff like this always comes out in the end. There'll be a drunken revelation, or confiding in someone they shouldn't. Better she finds out now than when she has had children with him!

I understand that. Bit I think, imo the time has passed.

Saggy you can't possibly know how you would feel.
Because you'd only know after it had happened, and you'd been told.

If that did ever occur, then you might equally say you wish you'd never been told- because what you don't know doesn't hurt.

What is to be gained by telling?

"Warning" the wife off him?
Jeopardising the marriage?

I know of someone who was the wife- and she found out about her Dh sleeping withhis ex a week before the wedding. She wished she had not known. Their marriage got off to a shaky start and it was very hard going.

I know EXACTLY how i feel about this. I would want to be told. I would not want to spend the rest I my life with someone who valued me so little. I would not want to live in a relationship based on deceit.
"What is to be gained by telling"?
Well how about not becoming one of the multitude of relationship threads in here based on a woman who discovers that the person she has children with has been fucking someone else behind her back and her life has been one big lie?

I know I would want to know, my ex ran about cheating on me from the first year of our relationship, he told people I knew but they didn't want to stir apparently. I only found out after I dumped the cheating bastard 3 years later after he had managed to spend that time making my life hell.

Seriously, the OP's friend should be told.

personally, I think the time to tell the friend was before the wedding, although its a terrible thing, I think it would be cruel to tell her now.

It's cruel no matter what. There's no kind way of dealing with this situation. Kind would have been not sleeping with her fiancé in the first place.

?

I've been cheated on and I would urge the OP to tell her friend that her DH cheated on her. Actually, I would tell him he has 24 hours to tell his wife himself and then OP should tell her if the husband hasn't.

He and DW can decide between them whether to make a go of it. If the wife doesn't know, then she is living in a situation where her DH can't be trusted to be honest and decent with her. She needs to have that choice.

DW also needs to be able to make decisions re STD testing because of OP and DH's sexual history. If he's been up for shagging his wife's 'friend', then who else?

Also OP - I second the advice to get yourself sorted out re an implant and condoms if you are going to sleep around (or even if you're not).

Yes maybe it would be better to tell her after the dating scan so she can say whether it is his baby or not.
I'm shocked by those who say not to tell her. Is it not much worse that she may find out years to come and had children with this man, built a real life together? These things have a way of coming out, and who's to say he will stop cheating. Yes the fairest thing would have been to tell her before the wedding but ASAP after the dating scan is the next best time. She needs to be able to make informed choice of how she lives the rest of her life.

Been at the Lambrini, Babs?

poor op spaghetti xxx

100 women will always have 25 different opinions between them. So MB is helpful to sound out views, give you ideas, but don't let others tell you whether you are mature enough for a baby or not.

How was GP? How are you feeling now?

You really need a good neutral RL friend who doesn't know any of those involved, to support you (whatever you've decided). Good luck honey. Xx

Ps. I'm not into affairs or one night stands. But really op knows what she (& friends fiance) did was awful (to her friend, other than that it was just silly one night stand ), really she's only 19, still a young teenage girl. Op I'm old enough to be your mum, so I say what hope your mum would say
" HUG. Big squeeze cuddle. HUG
It'll be ok xxxxx it's not the end of the world - choose what you want to do. And one silly thing make you a bad person. Your real friends and family will/ should be there for you" take care honey xxxxx

Lovely post where is mum

I have no opinions about what you should do with regards your pregnancy, as that is a completely personal decision.
You DO need however, need to have a full screening for STIs, given that you have had unprotected sex with at least 2 men in the space of a few weeks. Men who will presumably be going on to have unprotected sex with other women. You owe it to yourself and them to make sure you weren't infected with anything when you slept with them and to make sure they haven't infected you.
I hope this is a huge wake up call and good luck with whatever choice you make about the pregnancy.