oh god i have done something terrible, please help

[thespaghetiincident]

I got really drunk and slept with one of my friends fiances a couple of months ago, we should have told her and we didn't, it meant nothing and could have destroyed them (they're so happy). I don't want judgment (believe me i'm doing that enough my self) but i need advice.

I'm pregnant, 6 and a bit weeks and its definatly his, what do i do, part of me thinks that i should just get rid of it and tell no one, saving their marrage (they were married a fortnight ago) and his guilt, but part of me just wants to scream and shout at him and ask why he gets to go live his happy little life while i'm stuck here. oh

I don't agree with you calling them ignorant, I think you wre jumping on the person because everyone else was and got it wrong.

However having been told now to "leave it" several times. I've taken that on board. Can people stop addressing it? Or does being told to leave it only work one way

I'm surprised you still think I was doing nothing but 'jumping on the bandwagon' as you describe it, after all that I've said. I genuinely care a great deal that people still believe the myth that all women can always prevent getting pregnant if they just 'want it enough to bother.' Is that so hard to understand?

I said 'I'll leave it' (referring to my discussion with you) because you weren't saying anything new, but then you attacked my integrity, which was wrong of you.

The comment was ignorant, that is my view, and I hold it strongly which is why I said it. No other reason, whatsoever. You've made some huge assumptions which are totally unfounded.

That's a yes then?

Yes to what? I don't understand.

im amazed really.

so put yourself in the fiances position. those of you who are married....imagine this is you, and your best friend.

then carry on with the "oh poor sweet darling" routines.
the op is an adult woman.
i was 19 when i had DS. at 19 your are not a victim of circumstance - to get pregnant you have to chose to sleep with someone. the op chose to sleep with her best mates husband.
lovely.
i posted earlier in the thread. i had a child at 19. its no picnic. i also have no idea who my father is. nor is that a picnic either.

the op is now facing the consequences of her fumblings with her best mates husband - if it were your DH would you be quite so forgiving?

the op needs to grow the fuck up and find out which of her conquests she is having a baby to. thats what happens when you have unprotected sex with several men over a short space of time.

reality check time. now time to get to a gp and find out how far gone she is and work out what next.
with friends like that, who needs enemies eh? her friend must think she is a peach.

dont give a fuck about harsh comments - sometimes harsh comments are called for when someone plays fast and loose with so many other peoples emotions.

And sexual Health.....

FWIW I agree with you beat about that post being ignorant. Only abstinence is 100% effective against pregnancy, contraception methods are not 100% - anyone remember the poster with the OH who had a fear of sex after they had four different contraception failures?

The comment about being bothered was pretty hurtful when you are raising a child that was conceived during rape. There's plenty of reasons women still suffer unplanned pregnancy. It is ignorant to suggest it could be avoided.

Either way, that is a fairly irrelevant point as far as op goes. So she did a crappy thing, so she took risks, none of us know her or why she has ended up here. Things are rarely as simple as "having choice".

I hope she isn't too scared to come back.

Is this for real??

must be leading too sedate a life

I feel very sorry for his wife having a husband and 'friend' who would do this to her.

OP I hope you're OK. Or at least as well as can be expected given the circumstances.

Get to the doctors, find out how far along you are and discuss your options with them. THEN make some decisions. He's not stupid; if you decide to keep the baby and he sees you with a bump he will put two and two together at some point.

Parenthood is amazing. It makes you love in a way you never thought you could and brings so much joy to your life. BUT even in a stable relationship it's also really, really hard; it takes you to the very edge of your capabilities. You will be responsible for someone else's well being for the rest of your life and every aspect of your life will be affected by this little being. It's not all playdates & parties.

And please, if you don't trust what you're putting into your body perhaps its better if you don't put it in there at all....the pill I mean mostly.

Ok, not about to offer advice one way or the other about the pregnancy - that's way too personal to be decided by strangers. But I would like to point out something I don't think anyone has mentioned so far about their "happy" life. If he was willing to cheat on his fiance only weeks before his wedding, they may not be headed for such a happy life after all. Maybe he's not really the man she thinks he is. Maybe what he did with you is a sign of how he plans to treat her in years to come.

Ask yourself this - if you found out this man had cheated on your friend (with someone else obviously) - would you tell her? Do you think she would want to know? Do you think she would have a right to know? Maybe at least part of the reason you don't want to tell her (pregnancy or no pregnancy) is to save your own skin.

Since when did having been with two men in the space of a few weeks equal having "gone with several men"? no, it's not ideal to have slept with more than one person in a short space of time, but let's not demonise the op any more than she has been already...

The debate as to whether anyone should get pregnant in this day and age is irrelevant to this thread really. Yes it is a valid debate but doesn't work here because the op is already pregnant, so telling her these things serves no purpose other than to give people a soapbox to get up on to make their views heard. Pretty distasteful really given the circs.

As for the op, she made a mistake. Nobody's perfect - people make mistakes, and sometimes the consequences of those mistakes are far-reaching and they have to live with them for the rest of their lives. Heaping our own moral judgements on to the op after the event serves no purpose at all.

At the end of the day there is a baby in the middle of all this. An innocent baby who didn't ask to become a part of any of it. The op and only the op can decide what she wants to do about all this. So perhaps the judgements of how to and not to get pregnant are best left for a different thread?

The dicsussion about contraception and how many men is relevant.
She has slept with 3 (i think it was 3) men in a short space, doesn't take her pill correctly, doesn't know when her last period was. She has no idea how far she is.
So its is relevant. She is hating herself and him for this situation. hating herself because she is pg by another womans husband and mad at him for having 'a happy life'.
There is a good possibility that it is not his. As she takes pregnacy tests often and this was almost 7 weeks ago, it prob would have shown up.
It may help her to clear her head and let go some guilt and anger if she finds out it could not be his. if she is only 4 weeks, it will (most probably) be the last mans.
By letting go of these feeling she may be able to make a clearer decision.
As for the debate about contraception, yes sometimes it fails when everything correctly, but the OP admits she doesn't take it properly
I would encourage her to make a plan for when she is no longer pg, whatever the decision.

My thoughts exactly vicar. Why don't we turn this around. "I have had sex with my wife's best friend, well it was a couple of weeks before I got married. She now says she is pregnant, what do I do now". What advice will you give me?.

I'm with Vicar. You were irresponsible! But, now you have to face the consequences. Find out who the father is NOW. This poor woman needs the chance to decide what to do with this cheating piece of scum before she wastes any more of her life on him.

Well I think you've scared her off!

I do agree with what has been said but I think op probably realises that. This thread (I thought) was about practical advice and not stone throwing.

I seems clear to me that excellent advice and support would help the wife and also the unborn baby too, and it is these two who are the real victims here.

Thank you for your responces, they have been helpful, hurtful and everything in between. What they have made me realise is two things, 1. that i wouldn't be able to give this baby what it needs (regardless of paternity), and that's my fault. 2. that i still wanted to know who's it was.

For those interested, some of you deserve to know, some of who are just using this for judgmental entertainment. I'm aproximatly 8weeks pregnant, this means, that it is the first guys baby, not, as i thought my friends fiance but as i am sure many of you will point out this is more by good luck than good managment.

I am booked in with my GP this afternoon to chat it through and then start the process of getting an abortion. I know what ever happens my friendship with this girl will not survive, i haven't told her and i'm not sure i will, (this is the only bit i'm not sure about) but our friendship and mutual friendships are something i have destroyed, wethere they know or not.

Thanks for coming back, OP. I hope this works out as well as it can for you.

Well done OP you sound like youve had a
Good think. I hope it all works out for you

Hey OP, lesson learnt for the future. Anyone on here who is saying they were so superior and clever when they were just starting out at 19 is suffering from age-related memory loss. Best of luck with everything.

Do you know what, I'm getting right royally sick of people on this board calling 'harsh!' 'bullies!!' 'demonising! 'attacking!' when someone gives their own forthright opinion.

Sometimes it is the right thing to do - to be direct, honest and, yes, brutal.

It is at the very least a legitmate response - in terms of making the poster, who is seeking opinions, see the wood for the trees.

No one has demonised the OP! They have said that what she has done is wrong.

For me personally, I feel very bad for OP and agree that she now needs to get all the facts together QUICKSMART and make decisions based purely on herself and her pregnancy/baby.

I have sympathy for the state she is in. But I totally understand and defend Vicar's right to call her out on her behavioiur without this ridiculous chorus of 'stop personally attacking/demonising'.

Some posters need to grow thicker skins and/or grow up.

OP well done for coming back. It is no matter really who the father is, as was said upthread - it is your body and your choice.

I hope the next couple of weeks go ok for you, and I wish you well.

Proud - agree 100%.

Good luck and make sure you get tonnes of support from the GP for the decisions you make.

Everyone makes mistakes in life and we all have to live with the consequences of what we do. but it's how we move on from those mistakes that mark us out.

Xx