oh god i have done something terrible, please help

[thespaghetiincident]

I got really drunk and slept with one of my friends fiances a couple of months ago, we should have told her and we didn't, it meant nothing and could have destroyed them (they're so happy). I don't want judgment (believe me i'm doing that enough my self) but i need advice.

I'm pregnant, 6 and a bit weeks and its definatly his, what do i do, part of me thinks that i should just get rid of it and tell no one, saving their marrage (they were married a fortnight ago) and his guilt, but part of me just wants to scream and shout at him and ask why he gets to go live his happy little life while i'm stuck here. oh

Being aware that contraception used properly is very effective at preventing pregnancy is not ignorant, but saying 'no one needs to get pregnant if they don't want to', certainly is. There's a world of difference.

No it isn't ignorant. You've either chosen the wrong word or the wrong point to have a war with words, with said poster.

Condoms, pill, the map, coil. There is no ignorance in that comment be ause it's true.

Pickles, agreed.

Enough. This is not helping op.

Yes contraception, when used properly, is very effective. That doesn't magically mean that all women can control whether they become pregnant in all circumstances. We do not know enough about the OP to assume she has been especially negligent, even if the indication is there from what she has posted.

Words are VERY important. Especially when dealing with someone in such a difficult situation as the OP. If you don't understand that, post on less sensitive topics.

She has been negligent she does not know how the pill works. She has risked her own health by going bareback with so many men.

You can't call posters ignorant beat it, just to joint on the bandwagon of joining up on D and not be called on your in accuracy of your attempted insult.

Nothing about that comment was inaccurate. With all the contraception and map and the coil which can be used for longer. His statement was far from ignorant.

I don't think it's fair to advise OP to terminate the pregnancy.

OP please don't terminate on the basis of guilt and people finding out.

Yes MissBoPeep you can do all of those things, if you are you, or in similar circumstances to you.

It's upto op what she does. I don't think people should pressure either way.

Im finding it very hard to understand why on a forum where we pride ourselves on giving a recieving support we cannot stop this judgement for one second to think about this pregnancy and the poor scared poster who has probably spent a lot of time researching forums and a even longer amount shakily typing her post and what is happening to her right now.
Put yourself in her shoes. Some of you say she should be ashamed, well so should you. For making someone that
Feels completely lost and isolated in the world today feel possibly even lower than she could.
Remember why you use mumsnet.
I couldn't have got through my ordeal without mumsnet, thank god I wasn't judged in this way.

HouseofPain, as you are just repeating yourself and not responding to what I've actually said, I'll leave it.

No one is judging her pickleds. I and others have addressed beats comments which were aimed to belittle and jump on the bandwagon of anger at another poster.

So please put the soap box back. Half of what you've just said. Has not even entered the last half of the thread.

OP best of luck, hope you get to a Doctor soon.

I just think we should stop the bickering tbh. It's very sad.

I had an abortion at 19. Used condoms, it split - got m.a.p., it failed.

Was v traumatic at the time, the whole experience, and I felt guilt for a good few years. BUT, it was probably the best decision I ever made, no way was I ready for a child back then.

Good luck with whatever you decide op

Agreed bonhomie. I am disgusted by the attitude of some of the posters on here (who have presumably never done anything wrong or made a mistake or had trouble understanding something that wasn't explained clearly enough). I hope that if these judgmental folks have daughters they are equally perfect & immune to lapses on judgement.

*in judgement, even.

OP, I really hope you have someone in rl to talk to - your gp should be able to recommend a counsellor to help you come to a decision.

I think OP has been well and truly scared off what a shame...

Oh sweetheart, you've made a mistake, and you've held your hands up & admitted it, but now is not the time to berate yourself. If anything you need a big hug.

Ignore the criticism, you don't need to be made to feel any more guilt than what you're already feeling. Guilt is a wasted emotion anyway. I'm sure you will learn from this, you're obviously upset.

No-one has the right to encourage you to have an abortion or say that's what they think you should do. It's such a huge decision and one that you will have to live with therefore it is YOUR decision to make and YOURS only.

I would suggest going to the gp (do you have a particularly nice or understanding one?) and I'd have a good chat.

You need to think long & hard about what's the best decision for you & what you think you can live with. It's a very personal decision, everyone is different so only you can decide.

(Beats comments were) aimed to belittle and jump on the bandwagon of anger

Not at all, that's not my style. If you feel that, that might explain why you have insisted on disagreeing with me despite my further explanations. But I called the comment ignorant and ridiculous because I feel strongly that that is what it was, and that other people may have been exceptionally hurt by a comment which was narrow minded.

By the way House, if you stuck up for the pother poster because you thought I was just being mean for no reason, then I salute you. But my intentions were to react against what is a common, and very damaging, myth.

Hope you are ok op. did you get to the doctors??