Can't sleep for crying....what shall I do?

[Kellstar83]

Hi there ladies advice needed if poss pls....

I'm 8 months pregnant n being made to feel so worthless by my partner that I cry myself to sleep most nights
He is not baby's dad ( we split up for a year and I fell pregnant during this time but has always said he wants to bring up baby etc as the dad isn't interested)

I do everything to support him ( he has a job but I pay for everything despite having 2 other kids to support) it wouldn't be so bad if he appreciated it but when he comes over n doesn't help with anything, acts like he's king of the castle in my home and is nasty to me over everything and anything :(
For example.... He says my friends/ family think horrible things about me ( that they agree with him basically) but only he's got the guts to tell me what I'm like :(
He tells me I'm a bad mum everytime one of the kids do anything even minor wrong
Threatens to leave me nearly every day
Calls me pathetic or mentally unstable if I cry
Says my kids would be better off with thier alcoholic violent father and if we split up he would try to get them taken off me by making up lies about me to support my ex
Frightens me and then when I ask him to leave he says if I want him to go call 999

I know everyone's probably reading this and thinking what the hell are u doing with him, I realise I'm a fool but I do love him and my kids adore him - they've already had thier dad walk out on them so I'm desperately trying to hold this together for thier sake

He always says he loves me but how could someone be so intentionally cruel if they did?? I feel so worthless and dreading him acting like this once my baby girl is here in 5 weeks but I'm too weak and worried about my kids being upset to tell him to go :(

Any advice appreciated or just a chat, someone friendly to talk to would make a change as he hates me talking to my friends but doesn't know I've found Mn x

I wouldn't delete the texts just in case you need them as evidence at a later date, I'm not saying anything will happen but just in case!

Give your friends who apparently hate you (I very much doubt they do! that's just what he wants you to think) a text, along the lines of I've been so busy with the kids over school hols etc but it would be great to have a coffee if your free before bump arrives.

And most importantly, just ignore the twat, and don't believe his crap!

How you doing Kellstar?

Hope you're okay today. I think you've done brilliantly so far x

OP have just read this, and I think you're doing so well. I know from reading threads on here how hard it can be to break away from men like this, but you just have to keep reminding yourself that you have no ties to this man.

You can cut him out of your life easily, on a practical level. He doesn't live with you, he doesn't even have a key, you have your own home, you have your own money, you don't need him for anything.

Please do yourself and your kids the biggest favour possible: get away from him, and don't look back. Hope you're ok, hugs xx

it is easy, or you should make it easy - this idiot takes the biscuit for the worst bastard ever (or maybe i've led a sheltered life). take yourself out of this picture and read through your posts as if it's someone else's. the way he speaks to another human, let alone one who is 8 months pregnant. he doesnt deserve your thinking about him, let alone feeling anything for him (even hate, as even that feeling is mis-spent energy on your part).

I see you've decided to leave him. But please also enjoy the bliss in the knowledge that you are leaving him, and sleep. IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE anything coming from this man. if you're not sure about it now(!), when you come out the other side of your pregnancy you will realise how good person and mother you are....and smart for seeing it for what it really is and deciding to end it when you have. now time to enjoy the freedom.....

I am sorry i was rude before, i apologise for being insensitive. but it has to be easy surely? surely you see it?

Hey OP, hope you're still holding up and managing not to engage with any texts or whatever.

You're amazing for making the step of getting him out, it sounded so nice when you described the calm, I hope that is continuing for you and your children.

Hi ladies thank u for all the nice messages, Internet had been down so haven't been online in a while
He turned up at the house before I left for my dads n threatened to come back n beat me up when Im least expecting it - nice!
Still getting hassle, abusive messages, threats etc, his stuffs still at mine so unfortunately will have to see him at some point :(
Thought I was going into labour prematurely the other day but luckily it's stopped - must be stress :( hope to god the baby's ok....

Hi Kellstar good to hear from you again,
Can you log that he's made threats to you with the police?
Can't believe this guy! Threatening to beat up an 8month pg woman? What an utter shit.
If you're concerned for the health of the baby then talk to your mw and she might be able to get you in for a scan/foetal monitoring.
If you feel able to then tell her about him too. The more support you can have at the moment the better.

Also save any messages/emails that he sends as evidence - if not for the police then you can show friends and family what a bastard he is.

Hiya, am having regular scans anyway due to baby being really small for dates they think
He says if I report he theeatened me social services will get involved n the kids could get taken away, I know he's prob lying but too scared to take the risk :(
Back to crying again! :(
Thanks for the quick reply, thought no one would answer as its been ages since I posted x

OP please talk to your midwife about this. They are trained to help women being abused by partners (threats as well as violence) during pregnancy as this is a time when women are particularly at risk.

Telling you that social services will take away your kids is a standard line from the abusers' script. Tell the MW he said that to you and see what she says xxx

ive been thinking of you.

you need to report this, nothing will happen to you wrt social services.
in fact, they are at risk if you dont report it

protect yourself, and them.

I don't even know my midwifes name! The service I've had from them has been crap only ever saw her at the booking in visit where they do your notes and coz I've had a small baby before I was passed over to consultant led care at the hospital :(

they have a heavy workload and may just think that as this is your third baby you will be fine.
im sure, if you ask for help, tell them the situation, you will get help.
they cant tell by looking at you, and i bet you have been putting on a happy face...you could start by ringing your gp and telling them...do it now!

alternatively, call womans aid, they will know what your next move should be.

Kell, does your dad/family know what's been going on?

Re him threatening to get ss to take your kids even if he has the bollocks to talk to them (which i doubt - he sounds like a coward who's full of hot air) it won't work.
Ss will be used to dealing with people - espesh ex-ps who make malicious allegations, even if they were to look into it they would never remove children without firm evidence of serious risk of harm.

Has he said that at all in writing? Defo keep all messages.

As previous poster has said, the mw/consultant prob assumes that as a 3rd timer you don't need as much support. Please tell them of your situation.

Please understand that he is speaking rubbish when he says that Social Services could take away your children. The only threat to their wellbeing is him. He is not their father. He does not live with you. You are a good mother. These are the facts.

Please report his threats. Please let your family/friends know what is going on. You are about to have a baby and you need love and support, and to know that you are safe.

Could you get together all his belongings and have someone take them to his house, so he has no further need to contact you?

My family don't know what he's like, he's soooo charming infront of them that they probably wouldn't believe / expect that hed ever do or say half the stuff he has

Kellstar, try telling them. Tell them everything, you need people in your life right now supporting you. They just might surprise you and be there for you. I hope you find the courage to do this, it's hard but won't it be worth it if they are there for you?

Kell it really is up to you to set them straight. He sounds about as far from charming as it gets.

Why do you think you don't want to do this?

Is it because you don't want to be seen to be caught up in another 'drama', as you said upthread?

Do you hope to deal with it on your own?

You're in a really vulnerable situation. Please let your family help you.

Yeah U've hit the nail on the head there, everyone will just think oh here we go again etc it's embarrassing that I've got myself into this position again :(

Tell them, and when you tell them, show them the texts on your phone. You need their support.

And being embarrassed is worse than being beaten up?

Really?

I didn't say being embarrassed was worse than being beaten up! I said its embarrassing that I've got myself into this position again that's all

so, what are you going to do?

take control or stay powerless?

why dont you text him (last time EVER) and say. if you hear from him again you will go to the police.
and stand by it.