Can't sleep for crying....what shall I do?

[Kellstar83]

Hi there ladies advice needed if poss pls....

I'm 8 months pregnant n being made to feel so worthless by my partner that I cry myself to sleep most nights
He is not baby's dad ( we split up for a year and I fell pregnant during this time but has always said he wants to bring up baby etc as the dad isn't interested)

I do everything to support him ( he has a job but I pay for everything despite having 2 other kids to support) it wouldn't be so bad if he appreciated it but when he comes over n doesn't help with anything, acts like he's king of the castle in my home and is nasty to me over everything and anything :(
For example.... He says my friends/ family think horrible things about me ( that they agree with him basically) but only he's got the guts to tell me what I'm like :(
He tells me I'm a bad mum everytime one of the kids do anything even minor wrong
Threatens to leave me nearly every day
Calls me pathetic or mentally unstable if I cry
Says my kids would be better off with thier alcoholic violent father and if we split up he would try to get them taken off me by making up lies about me to support my ex
Frightens me and then when I ask him to leave he says if I want him to go call 999

I know everyone's probably reading this and thinking what the hell are u doing with him, I realise I'm a fool but I do love him and my kids adore him - they've already had thier dad walk out on them so I'm desperately trying to hold this together for thier sake

He always says he loves me but how could someone be so intentionally cruel if they did?? I feel so worthless and dreading him acting like this once my baby girl is here in 5 weeks but I'm too weak and worried about my kids being upset to tell him to go :(

Any advice appreciated or just a chat, someone friendly to talk to would make a change as he hates me talking to my friends but doesn't know I've found Mn x

Am with u there gingerchick my ex hisband lies so much Im not even sure he knows he's lying anymore and even about trivial stuff there is no need to lie about, it must just be habit!

Mine tried to control me with money, whilst he spent it on himself and others, I had the car keys prized out of my hands and put under his pillow on the bed, so I couldnt leave the house, after he had locked the doors.

That's awful :( my ex husband wasnt tight with money funnily enough the opposite, he used to hurt me n then say he would take me to get that new handbag U've been wanting etc to make up for it!!!
What goes on in these men's minds is beyond me, I wish one of them would write an honest book on how they think, it would be an interesting although I'm sure very disturbing read!

Did anyone tell thier partners the extent of what they went thru in previous abusive relationship? I was totally honest with him about what my ex put me thru....am thinking maybe this was a bad mistake, a kinda green light in his head proving I'll put up with being treated badly?
Although I guess if he was a nice guy it wouldn't matter what I revealed he still wouldn't act like this :( x

Do you know much about his family? You might get some clues as to where his behaviours came from there.

The one thing is certain. He will move on from you, to treating some other poor woman, and probably her children, in the same disgusting way.

You are well rid. You should feel proud of yourself for stopping it all now, before too much damage is done.

It mainly comes from a deep, abiding conviction that women are less than human, and that a woman such a man is dating or in any kind of relationship with is a cross between a dishwasher and a naughty dog, and therefore he can slap her around, tell her what to do and try to crush her completely so that she is permanently submissive, obedient and grateful to him.

I Think you being so honest was a good thing certainly don't think it would serve as a green flag to any normal man, and he will believe he is 100 per cent right because he will have changed it in his head so that he actually believes it, keep strong you can be free

Thanks ladies :) I've met his family a few times but we don't really get on, they all have tons of kids, no jobs and no intentions of ever getting one, I'm not very good at not getting cross at people like this so to save arguments I just keep away....I found out tho that his mum (who he adores) isn't his real mum he was adopted by her when he was little although his dad is his real dad and they have been a couple since he was tiny if u get what I mean? He has other full brothers n sisters that he never sees hasnt since he was a toddler n says he never wants to, don't know if any of this has had an effect on the way he treats people is certainly not an excuse tho x

Hi. I've only made it to page 6 but wanted to say well done because you sound much stronger & more positive today.

Now I'll go & read the rest!

I am so.pleased you have kicked him into.touch. Life will be so much happier now. Stay strong & keep coming here for support.

Well done Kell! Can't really add but only repeat what other fab advice you have had.

He is projecting his behaviour so when he says ex cheated he means he cheated! He has found your ghosts that haunt you from your past and presses those buttons (about ex h beating you and saying you deserve it). Good woman not engaging...keep texts for police for harrassment. Put his stuff in bags outside and change locks or lock door tonight and change locks asap if he has a key. It is your place isnt it..his name isnt on it? You are fine to get rid of him but let me warn you 'bad penny's keep coming back' so stay safe as he will be annoyed you have gained some self esteem and confidence to do this to him after spending months chipping it all away!
His behaviour...he thinks he is right! He has no guilt and look at link by OP re psychopaths...you wil be 'ahh haa'!

I haven't really done much to be proud of yet just ignored him. He hasn't got a key that I know of ( I took his back on sun) his name is not on the house or any of the bills etc
His stuff is still here, he won't turn up tonight but will want it back before I go away wed I guess, he's totally stopped texting now which should be a good thing but makes me wonder what he's plotting, hopefully he's just got bored! X

I'm proud of you even if you don't see your actions today as something to be proud of. Seems to me that you have basically told him not to come today (by telling him you would be out),had a lovely day with your lovely children & maybe even allowed yourself to start being excited about the last few weeks of your pregnancy & impending arrival of new daughter.

Just reading your words,I can tell from your tone you are feeling better,happier & more positive from just one day in which you know you will not see him or have to put up with him denigrating you.

To reiterate - I am proud of you!!

GP - I have no idea what you are talking about - your post makes no sense. I was not and have not been hostile to the OP. You are a loon.

Kell - I can't believe how quickly you have turned this around and taken action. You have just done the best thing you could possibly have done for your children and your new baby - given them the biggest gift in the world...the right to have a childhood free of abuse.

Thank u so much :) can't remember the last time anyone said that to me! :) it's funny how calm the house feels....I'm lay on the sofa while my son plays on the wii n my daughter is next door at her mates, I don't feel like I've got my eye on anyone if that makes sense? I know it's probably gonna get worse before it gets better tho :( he won't take this lying down I doubt as will be a dent on his ego and will feel he needs to lash out at me for it x

stay safe love

call 999 if he turns up shouting the odds

you have as much right to protection as anyone else, despite what you say

Did anyone tell thier partners the extent of what they went thru in previous abusive relationship? I was totally honest with him about what my ex put me thru....am thinking maybe this was a bad mistake, a kinda green light in his head proving I'll put up with being treated badly?

I did after my first abusive relationship, unfortunately the next was abusive as well. Not because i had told him and its not because you told yours either. That's who they are. You have no responsibility for that and you could have done nothing to change the way he's treated you.

I told my next boyfriend and he is now my long term partner. He's all lovely and normal!

Kel, I've only read to page 2. Others have been usually kind with their time responding to what seems to be an obvious answer situation.

You ended your post about the day you went shopping for baby saying "and ruining a day he knew id been looking forward to so in the end I would have rather gone alone anyway".

If you are looking forward to a happy and peaceful life with your 3 kids, then get rid of him. Or in 20 years time you'd be saying this same thing about your life.

I do realise its an obvious answer hypermutley it isn't however an easy one as if it was people would just do it wouldn't they with no need to talk to anyone else about it
I will do my best to ensure the next 20 years of my life dont end up like the last one has been
Thank you

Well done. You seem to have found yourself a little.
Keep chatting especially when you feeling weak or vulnerable. One step at a time. Your children are enjoying the relaxed atmosphere as well.
Chin up.

Well done, stay strong, you're doing so well.

Hey, just caught up with your thread. Brilliant news, well done and wow! Get you! Hope you're enjoying feeling your baby kicking, tninking about her and just being with your other two now it's calm without him there and you can actually concentrate a bit on you and your DC.

Like AnyFucker says, stay safe.

He's still texting...nice ish ones now tho, empty promises etc, feel a bit pathetic that it would be so easy to just hope against hope that this once he was telling the truth....I know deep down tho n he's said it all before,
Feel like a kicked puppy that's so stupidly loyal they run back for another kick ( I'm not going to btw ) but how pathetic must I be that I really want him to care n to love me even tho I know he's not a nice person!!!!
What a headfuck day....looks like yet another sleepless night :(

stay strong, love

you know it's all just bullshit

Thinking of you Kell