His mother should've swallowed

[LouP19]

Is this title too rude?!!!

I appreciate everyone warning caution. Trust me, I'm using this place to rant and rave and swear and all that,... at the moment I haven't done anything. And even if I do manage to locate him (with some first class help!) I might not necessarily do anything with that information just yet. But I would just like to know, that's all, instead of driving round looking for his car all the time,.... Just this knowledge will make me feel a bit more empowered.

All advice on here is very helpful - the calm, the practical, the hysterical, the funny, the 'been there done that', it's all amazing and I value all of it.

Need a good thunderstorm here to clear the air. :)

Lou, regarding the solicitor DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE LOCKS. Do not!

Come on sweetheart you have got to a time in your life where you don't have to hand your power over to other people, you can take decisions and own them for yourself.

Don't mention a peep about the locks, just drop the key down the drain and do it. Protect yourself, nobody else will.

it is telling you know he will come again. So just change 'em. Act unilaterally!

PS love the thread title.

Morning, Lou! I hope your newly Lou-ified room did you proud :)

Chutneys
Teaspoons
Frozen meat
Light fittings (or summat)
Both radios
Car bucket & sponge

I'm almost inclined to go "Bless!" It's the thought that he's been pootling around your house all these years, thinking to himself, 'Yes, that's MY bucket!', 'MY teaspoons!', 'MY wife!', like a little child who's been allowed to furnish his room. He's going to get a terrible shock when he finds out about marital property. Can't have been listening when you got to "With all my worldly goods I thee endow."

Bless, again. Hahahaha

Btw, I agree with Bogeyface re mindset, etc. It's complete self-obsession, not deliberate malice. To hurt you on purpose, Chuntney would have to recognise that you have feelings - and know what would prompt you to feel certain things. He doesn't. The man over-empathises with himself, doesn't he, leaving no room for anything else.

Hi Lou, I hope you've slept. You've said mornings are hard so I wanted to give you a mental image: the day is coming when you will wake up in your lovely bed, in your lovely house, a free and single woman. You'll put the kettle on, feed your cats, stretch and think: I love my life.

It may not feel likely just at the moment, but that day is coming. And it's coming because of all the good things you're doing now. Keep your chin up, and I hope you have a good Monday!

Hang in there Lou! Still following and cheering you on! You're doing so well and I would DEFINITELY get locks sorted to avoid any more 'raids'. Either that or as suggested on last thread get solicitor to remind him that assets are joint and he owes you half a feezer of meat the twunt

And Babylon - hang on for dear life :o

Looking forward to you doing something about the locks asap, Lou. YOu can't have him breezing in and out and stealing stuff as it pleases, violating your space - appalling. If you change the locks and he does the legal do-da, give him the key and then change the locks again (as someone hinted upthread). Keep him going around in circles but do everything you can to stop him gaining access to your home again without prior notice . Sorry to underline

VOICE OF EXPERIENCE here, not hysterical. not locks, but I did have to take a restraining order out on him to stop him coming beyond the front gate. (not that we had a gate but you get my meaning). Perhaps you could talk about a restraining order with the sol, Lou? It worked wonders for me. He was incandescent - smart, upright businessman, pillar of the community that he was not - actually, controlling bastard

oh gosh you couldn't get a better vision than PI Warshawski Babylon on a motorbike. Priceless

(Falls over laughing)

I LOVE the thread title! I just had to say that before catching up again

Morning Lou. Hope a shit hot hot hot lawyer calls you today. As someone else said this week is all about you & a major decision. I can't imagine how hard it will be to ignore his fuddery but do your best to focus on you & what YOU want.

Best of luck for a good strong positive week.

Great title

Glad I found your new thread lou! I hope you can do something to stop him coming into the house, I know legally it's still as much his as yours but the lack of respect he's showing you is astounding.

Another one who saw the title and just knew :o

Haha yes love the new title, Lou, good on you!

Two things-CHANGE THE LOCKS asap and remember offence cannot be given only taken, so if someone does not like your title and is "offended" they are choosing to take offence, not your problem

Hi Lou, just delurking again to say LOVE the thread title and I think you're doing amazingly considering everything.. Keep going, we're all behind you!

LOL love the thread title!!! Lou, you have such a wonderful sense of humour in this horrible time.

Looking forward to what Babylon finds out.

I agree on changing the locks. I would just for fear of my own safety. I couldn't sleep knowing someone would pick a lock and come through the back door. You deserve to feel safe in your own home.

Portofino for someone lecturing so much about us judging Chutneydouche (REALLY, btw? Wow) you are quite happy to judge everyone here who disagrees with you, quite passive aggressively to boot.

You keep saying Lou deserves support. You're right. So why not just support her with your own opinions instead of the broken record attitude and the persistent insults to anyone who disagrees with you? Just give Lou your opinion.

Sending my prayers your way Lou, you are such an inspiring woman.

Agree with changing the locks too. You just can't have him entering your house whenever he feels like it, without your prior knowledge and when he knows you are not there, helping himself to shared items. That will not be helping your feeling of vulnerability at this time. I would think that the legalities of what he is doing are blurred anyway - yes, he can legally enter, but can he legally removed marital property prior to a settlement?

Also agree, say nothing.

Morning Lou. Please don't mention changing the locks, just do it and feign ignorance and explain you were worried about marital property going missing in mysterious circumstances. Get an absolute rottweiler of a solicitor and take him apart. Good luck.

Great thread title btw. :o

I do so hope Babylon gets the info for you. Thinking of you Lou and hoping you find a SHL today. Changing the locks so you feel safe in your own home seems sensible. How can you sleep at night knowing someone can just waltz in?

Hi Lou

Loving the new thread title, I went away this weekend but have just caught up with your thread, it's almost de ja vue for me with regards to the ex taking things , mine physically lifted the whole toolshed out the garden with the help of his dad (who had the grace to look ashamed) I have gradually built up my own little tool collection in a tool bag that hangs proudly from a hook in the garage that used to hold the car wash bucket and sponge... What is it with these twunts obsession with buckets?! I still 3 years later go to get rarely used items from the loft or garage and realise its missing, the latest was the plug in cool box for the car.

I confess I changed the locks and forgot to get him a key cut, he was cross but did nothing about it, for me I had peace of mind. I know you follow the letter of the law Lou but be naughty and change the locks you will feel a whole lot better, it's awful going out and wondering what will be missing when you get home.

Anyway I hope you managed some sleep, it was so hot last night I therefore suspect the heat, along with your no doubt active mind meant you had a restless night.

Never forget you are awesome Lou not many of us could remain so dignified but you are doing just great, I'm a cat owner too and I don't think he will harm or take your cats, he will now suddenly prefer dogs like my twunt ex who left me for a mucher younger model with a dog!

Have a good day and bear in mind that locksmiths usually act promptly ... Mine got changed the same day I rang , go Lou and go Babylon pi

Morning Lou, hope you are feeling ok this morning.

I've been thinking (always dangerous!) and I think after the solicitor and your scan, you must do your utmost to protect your important documents and computer from Chutney. I know others have brought this up but I think it really is paramount to protect your own interests. Gather up all your documentation, that he hasn't taken already and the main hard drive of the computer and either put them in the boot of your car whenever you leave the property or ask if your neighbour will look after them for you.

Slightly longer term, to protect yourself from accusations of withholding the computer, get a portable hard drive, download the entire contents of the computer to it and then wipe everything relating to you (emails, Internet history, documents, etc) from the machine.

Morning Lou.

I woke up thinking "I must go and search on mumsnet for a new thread about swallowing a load".

Glad you went with it, even if my first thoughts of the morning were slightly gross! (not much new there)

Hi Lou, delurking to say I've followed your threads throughout and think you've managed amazingly well considering what the chunt has put you through.

I went through a breakup due to OW years ago and though it hit me so hard I hit rock bottom and lost a load of weight because i couldn't eat, now I can see what a good thing it was to be rid of the self- obsessed, controlling idiot.

Hope you manage to get a great solicitor and take his thieving arse to the cleaners so you can keep the house.

I had no idea tinned veggie ravioli is still available, got to get me some (although I still miss tinned beans with little veggie sausages).

Hi Lou, just wanted to say when I opened this thread my high special needs cat licked the screen. So you have feline support from Australia. xx

Wow, what a thread title, I didn't know it was you but had to see what that was all about .........and it is you!

Hope you slept well, definitely do something with the locks to preserve your privacy and your sanity, it would drive me mad coming home and seeing he's been there and taken stuff, the tool box!!, what the actual fuck!.

It's entirely unreasonable behaviour on his part to come uninvited and take stuff as he fancies without your consent,bastard!

Go Babylon, take care.

Hi Lou, hope you slept well and haven't woken up feeling too awful. ime of times like this when mornings are a challenge, I've planned an itinerary the night before - like you, I get better as the day goes on and the evenings are good for me (or as good as they can be). So when I'm feeling (relatively) bushy-tailed I write a list and just follow it the next morning; a list of things to do. I also find it helps to not ask myself how I'm feeling in that ghastly morning bleurgh iyswim, actually ignore how I'm feeling as irrelevant to the job before me and just power on through my list and wait for the funk to lift.

hope that makes sense! I'm not training you in denial here, just a way to manage the powerful emotions that can swamp you sometimes xx