Chutney Twunt pt 3

[LouP19]

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

Beans and sausages and cheese (with lots of buttery toast> sound really good

Wow. Just wow. Words fail me. I'd call him an arsehole, except that would be an insult to arseholes, frankly.

Perhaps something to consider adding to the solicitor's letter would be a request for written confirmation that he is expecting a child with OW. Because if it's true (which it sounds like it is, unfortunately) then it will have to be taken into account in financial negotiations. And it would be a way of recording what he's told you today and getting official confirmation from him.

I think this underscores that whatever decision you make about your pregnancy has to solely about what is right for you from this point on. Leave him totally out of consideration.

To be honest, I don't believe a word that comes out his mouth & it may well be a diversionary tactic on his behalf, designed to put you in a tailspin. As has been said previously, any contact from him just messes with your head & prevents you from working out your own agenda. All the more reason for no more contact & working out what you want

Don't you work same place as him? I'd be tempted to follow him.

Wow. Nothing useful to add but can you imagine the amount of shit that will hit the fan when OW realises he has been cheating on her with you and you are pregnant!

Imagine her having to explain that to friends family etc.

Oh my goodness! With regard to his queries about divorce, it sounds to me like he's thinking there's a reason you might not go ahead; like he's testing the water to see if you're having sexing thoughts about wanting to end your marriage.... I wonder if now that you're pregnant and you know the full story, if he could choose who to be with, he'd choose you. Does that make sense? Before you knew about OW and her pregnancy, he knew you'd eventually find out and he'd lose you, so rather than being alone, he'd forge a relationship with her. Now, however, he's realised that the grass wasn't greener. So when he says, "You'd never get over this/forgive me, would you?" Perhaps he hoping for a positive response from you? God, he's a dick, isn't he?!

That should be second thoughts.... Not sexing!!! Bet they're the last sort of thoughts you're having! ;)

The fact ow has possibly a child has nothing to do with ops financial settlement at all.

She's got no rights, she's not married to him. It would mean that if he we're to go to the CSA or equivalent and ask them to work out maintenance. Op would get 10% of his income instead of 15%.

But that's it. That's as far as it goes. It does not affect her claim for spousal support, her claim on the house, his pension, asking what the hell she wants as maintenance on the statement of arrangements etc. Basically if he found himself with another woman to support. Well tough titties. That has no basis on ops financial settlement. It won't affect the finances froma divorce pov. The only thing it could mean is 5% less child maintenance. So I'd advise against it....incase it gives him ideas to just drag things out. Or try and make it hard.

The OW's baby is proof of adultery, and this would make Chutney Twunt liable for all of Lou's legal fees (potentially a lot of money), would it not?

Oh Lou this is devastating news. I don't think any of us saw this coming.

In your shoes I would be desperate for the OW to know about your pregnancy too. He is such a liar - he is delusional, he probably doesn't know what is fact or fiction any more. Stay angry, don't worry about contacting his sister - it won't harm her to be dragged into it all. Hopefully he will get more earache from his family.

Remember that text we know nothing is wrong with either of us now regarding both your fertility issues? He knew nothing was wrong with him in May!

Feckin lying Chutney Rod

Hugs to you xxxx

I was answering Phyllis. Who put out the idea that getting the conformation from him, in writing to the ow, re her pregnancy.

As it will be taken into account for financial negotiations. It won't. That's what my post was addressing.

I keep reading that if Lou divorces him on grounds of adultery, he has to pay the legal bills. Do people mean the court fees and/or Lou's solicitors costs?
I have never heard of this before, in fact I always thought it was the Petitioner who paid the court fees (normally around £600) and their own solicitor's costs. And then 'Chtwuntney' has to pay his own solicitor's costs. (In some divorces - mine for example- the Respondent will offer to pay court fees but I've never heard about them having to pay all bills irrespective of reason for divorce).

Can someone please clarify?

Hopefully Lou you've been advised about all of this when you saw the solicitor today.

If you sue/divorce on grounds of adultery and name the third party, then cheaters have to pay costs...as far as I'm aware.

I am wondering, if the OW really is pregnant, whether the child is actually Chutneys. If she was careless about contraception with him, she could well have been careless with some other bloke, at the same time. He had an affair, so could she have been from when they had sex. I doubt that this possibility has entered his mind, although he would suggest the very same of Lou, the arsewipe.

Dear Lou, get as much disclosed as you can. I can't believe the creature has done all this. I really hope your solicitor can do wonders for you. And I hope whoever he engages is not so good.

Thanks Sugary.

Oh lord. He really is a piece of work. Stay strong and decided what is best for you. Too hell with him.

AND DO NOT FORGOT THE PENSION! in no way do I have a bee in my bonnet about this

Sorry if I got it wrong - it just seemed like common sense that it would be factored in. Perhaps I was thinking of the fact it does make a difference re CSA payments.

Have a nice evening with ur mum Lou

Can't believe what's happened this afternoon!!

I tried to post this on the old thread and then I was distracted by rl for a while, so it's probably out of date and no longer relevant, but I'll post it anyway, just in case.

The shit-faced bastard, I am incensed on your behalf.

I suspect he's fishing when he wanted to know why you weren't divorcing him. Trying to find out what stage you're at, have you seen a solicitor? Is a letter going to land on his desk any minute? Are you going to cite adultery or unreasonable behaviour or what? Etc etc etc. he wants information because he doesn't know what's going on and you are not being nice little wifey doing what he tells you to do.

In other words, the whole thing is cascading out of his control, he doesn't like it and he expects you to tell him. You haven't, so he went on a poor me fishing trip. You didn't cooperate with that either. Excellent. He's really freaked now. He's pushed a bit harder and told you of the pregnancy - no idea if that's true, but he won't have told you because he wants to be honest with you, he will have had an ulterior motive.

Brilliant news re the solicitor, too. Don't tell the ChunkyWanker anything he doesn't already know, (so we can all have a laugh at his wriggling; I am so mean) but really because you do need to keep your cards close to your chest with an arch-manipulator like this.

You are an extraordinary human being. You will get through this, and you will be happy. That's a promise.

If you do decide to proceed with divorce you don't need proof of his adultery, Lou. You don't even need to know her name. Your solicitor will just bang out a standard "adultery with person or person unknown" and unless he tries to dispute it that will be that. But I'd make him wait if I were you there's always the possibility of death in service benefit.

Oh yes chubfuddler DIS benefit, like your thinking

hi Lou, so sorry to hear about the latest developments. i think i read on your previous thread that you thought she might be pregnant, so this confirms not only your worse fears but your gut feeling. i might be going against the general advice on here, but personally i think in your situation i would do nothing regarding him and the ow. absolutely nothing. i think that you are a dignified intelligent lady and i don't think you should stoop to his level, if that makes sense. i certainly wouldn't hire a PI to try and find him out, simply because i don't think he is worth the expense or the effort. i think you should try and rise above all of this. you are a bright woman with a good network of people around you, and that is worth so much. you need to focus on your life and the possibility of being a mum. you don't need to get caught up in his silly mind games. she might be pregnant, she might not. he might want this or that. so what? think about what you want, and make yourself a priority. don't think about whether he wants a divorce, think about what you want. whether you want a divorce. please put the emphasis on yourself, and your future, and not his. once you are 100% certain that he is no part of your future plans, then let him sink or swim, all by himself. when my ex walked out i struggled hard to try and understand him, and then i realised slowly that actually it didn't matter whether i understand him or not, i just tried to focus on me and the kids and it got better. good luck.

Also re costs - if asked for and unless disputed a respondent is usually ordered to pay the costs of the divorce. But it's not the divorce but that costs so much - it's the finances. And that isn't paid by the respondent by default.

I agree 3kids. Lou definitely shouldn't waste her time, money and head space on finding out the details. His initial betrayal is enough. The rest is just wrapping paper to the bollocks he's made of his life. Not lou's concern.