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Original poster

Chutney Twunt pt 3

999 replies

LouP19 · 14/08/2012 16:39

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

OP posts:
Allalonenow · 14/08/2012 17:32

Oh Lou!

No wonder you are devastated, what an obnoxious bastard, and such a coward too, he should have told you this stunning news face to face months ago.

Well done on contacting his sister, he needs his cage rattled and his cosy fantasy fractured. I think your Mum did the right thing too, your parents must both be so worried about you, and probably frustrated that they can't help you more.

My bet is that there are quite a few more revalations to come to light as yet, and he is doing this slowly to try to make you vulnerable. He will be wondering why it is not working!

Difficult though it will be, try not to focus on the OW, use that energy to focus on yourself and your own health and well being, so that your health does not suffer from all this trauma.

Take your time to make any decisions. Whatever you decide, you have got some very painful times ahead, so rest and eat to keep yourself strong.

Take care.

Original poster
LouP19 · 14/08/2012 17:32

I have just rang a PI company about the possibility of tagging his car for 3 days. Very very tempting. Even they were outraged on my behalf. Everyone is outraged.

OP posts:
AgathaFusty · 14/08/2012 17:33

If he is so keen for a divorce, why isn't he filing for one?

belagh · 14/08/2012 17:33

Do you think he was banking on you to go for a quickie 50 : 50 divorce on grounds of adultery.

sadwidow28 · 14/08/2012 17:35

Oh Dear Lou, I really thought it couldn't get any worse. Chutney thief must have thought he was 'off the hook' when you thought you had had a chemical pregnancy. This is not going to HIS plan is it?

I don't see anything wrong in you having texted his sister. Sometimes anger has to have a route to escape otherwise you will implode!

You have certainly not danced to his tune - hence the texts about "We need to talk. I am so very unhappy." And this low-life dickhead wanted you to have an abortion "because the time is not right - and we now know that there is nothing wrong with either us". Well, he already knew that his firing power was in order..... it was just another tactic to avoid any further responsibility to you. He was prepared to persuade you to give up this chance of motherhood because he is already going to become a father anyway! It makes sense of the "Lou will never forgive me for what I have done." He had impregnated some OW he was playing away with when you and he were trying so desperately to conceive. I am sure he would have loved to assign 'infertility' at your door..... and you certainly blew that excuse out of the water didn't you?

Make any decisions in your own time Lou. You are in charge of the piper and the tune, so dance in your own time and not his! Delay the divorce for 12 months if you decide to progress with the pregnancy. I rarely advocate spite, but chutney thief deserves every bit of spite you can wing his way.

Take care Lou. You are the most important person in this sad saga.

skyebluesapphire · 14/08/2012 17:38

Certainly dont rush into divorce if that is what he is after.... although if you file you could of course do him for adultery.. its up to you obviously.

What a selfish twunt. Just think Lou of how devasted you would have been to have terminated and then found out she was pregnant. You would have felt even worse then Im sure and he was prepared to do that to you.......

Whatever decision you make, at least you are fully armed of the facts now. Whatever you do, you do for yourself and not to make his life easier. He has brought all of this upon himself as he is a total and utter shit.

MadBusLady · 14/08/2012 17:40

AgathaFusty there may be some technical reason why not, but I'd bet it's nothing so complicated, just more of the same "O woe, my life just happens to me, this woman threw herself at me, Lou is so annoying with her entirely correct suspicions, I'm having some sort of mental breakdown, I'm extremely annoyed about my post being redirected , I'm trying to save my marriage, Lou is so unforgiving of the whole getting-someone-else-pregnant thing blah blah blah". He wants everything to be somebody else's responsibility.

QuickLookUsainBolt · 14/08/2012 17:40

Why would you have filed for divorce when he only left last week?

Surely he realises these things take time.

belagh · 14/08/2012 17:40

The solicitor will give you better advise regarding your position, cos filing now wouldn't mean anything was finalised until this time next year

belagh · 14/08/2012 17:42

do you think he is dillusional that the divorce could be sorted before OW has her baby

mathanxiety · 14/08/2012 17:42

He can't file because he has no grounds to use against Lou and he hasn't been gone for the required length of time.

He may have told the OW that he was no linger living with you at the time they started shacking up. He may have promised that there would be divorce papers to finally sign before the end of the year. He may have been hoping for something quick but if he had ever consulted a solicitor then he would have known that the speed of it all would depend entirely on Lou unless he filed first. And at the same time he was stringing two women along, with all the financial implications of that, he knew he was having unprotected sex with Lou (actively TTC no less) and with the OW -- I think looking for rational explanations for any of his behaviour is a waste of time. This is someone who operates on the level of a child who has never experienced any consequences for their behaviour and who thinks the best solution to the mess he creates is for two women to abort his babies.

I am glad you have contacted a PI. I think knowing where he lives will give you a bit of a boost. It's not fair that he knows where you are and you don't know where he is.

cenicienta · 14/08/2012 17:42

I'm getting the feeling from his texts and calls that he wants you to beg him to come back. This "she really wants me"... "why aren't you divorcing me?" ... "you would never have me back anyway" sounds like he really wants you to say "come back, all is forgiven".

He's fishing!

I think it's good if you can keep your cards close to your chest.

mathanxiety · 14/08/2012 17:43

x post there a bit.

MagicLlamaStrikesBack · 14/08/2012 17:44

Lol we could have a MN tail, wouldnt cost you like a PI would I.

I better they were bloody outrages. Its because his actions are outragously outrageous!

Awww maybe hes already told his OW that hes in the process of getting divorced. Maybe she doesnt want a baby with a married man.

Begs the question if hes so desperate for a divorce why not start the ball rolling himself......

MadBusLady · 14/08/2012 17:45

Urgh, that is very well summarised, math

Original poster
LouP19 · 14/08/2012 17:45

In early May for a period of about 4 days he was absolutely awful to me. For no reason, but he was shouting and aggressive and I remember sitting holed up in the bedroom for days because I just couldn't understand what his problem was.

He told me today he found out in early May she was pregnant. That explains a lot. I know I shouldn't reel over these details, but it does at least clarify some of those moments when I was absolutely baffled and distraught at how he was treating me. Up until that point he had been fine, but that was when it wasn't going his way all of a sudden.

My urge to find her and tell her my situation is so huge I can't tell you,.........

OP posts:
NotGeoffVader · 14/08/2012 17:45

Aaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhh! There are no words, really there are not. There are no words obscene enough to describe what this man is. The best I can come up with is 'of all life's rich tapestry, he is the biggest wankstain on it'.

Christ, he has some nerve. You won't play his stupid fucking games so now he is going on a half-arsed guilt trip, whilst all the time bricking it because he knows he has royally screwed up.

I can fully see that you are fuming and rightly so. Now use that anger in a constructive way, as you have been doing, my love.
He clearly realises that the shit is about to hit the fan, but he has no idea how much shit or how strong the fan. Good. Keep it that way. Make his squirm and crawl and crap himself. Fucker.

Sorry - I am so angry on your behalf.

Right so, now I have got that out:
Probably not best to have texted his sister but again, I can totally see why.
As for OW 'really' wanting him - in his opinion. Love how he twists every single thing to try to lay the blame anywhere other than at his own feet.
Between now and Friday get some facts/points/demands together for the solicitor to put to him.

If you want an ear to bend, or someone to vent to, feel free to PM me.
Sending you enormous hugs and tons of support for your totally kick-ass attitude.

Also, realise this is a bit 'lagging' but I wanted to let you know I am behind you a thousandfold, Lou. I have to sign off for a bit to pick up DD from playgroup but I'll be back later to read and not get too carried away posting. xx

sadwidow28 · 14/08/2012 17:46

Just think Lou of how devasted you would have been to have terminated and then found out she was pregnant. You would have felt even worse then Im sure and he was prepared to do that to you.......

Skye, you are so right! He was prepared to do that to Lou - knowing how difficult it had been for her to conceive in the first place.

He is a waste of oxygen!!!

mathanxiety · 14/08/2012 17:50

Cenicienta -- yes, perhaps the OW is getting a bit too focused on The Baby, and perhaps if she has friends all they talk about is The Baby, the nursery, the baby's name, shopping for baby stuff, and he is not the centre of her world any more. This is the man who said this OW 'responded differently' to him than Lou did, after all.

There is something about his level of self centeredness that makes me think he has it in him to be jealous of a baby and of a pregnant partner beginning to focus on her upcoming motherhood, her aches and pains, her sore feet and back, getting attention from random strangers in shops (patting the tummy, asking about the due date, telling her she is glowing, etc) and from the medical personnel at scans -- pregnancy is hard for the average narcissistic male. It is so woman centered. After the birth, it is all very baby centered. Again, very hard for a narcissist.

MadBusLady · 14/08/2012 17:52

I think that kind of clarification is helpful actually. You now know you weren't going nuts, or doing anything wrong. All of it was him - his mess, his shitty reaction. He just cannot cope with anything being his fault, can he. His response to getting OW pregnant was to tantrum at you. Math's child analogy is spot on.

(By the way, this is kind of suggestive of what his response will be towards her for getting you pregnant. I may be wrong but I doubt she's having the nice honeymooney time she probably anticipated.)

PissyDust · 14/08/2012 17:56

Mad is right, he must be shitting himself!

Keep strong Lou

mathanxiety · 14/08/2012 17:56

Yes, I think I might revise my prediction of the longevity of this relationship considerably downwards. Although she did stick with him despite him trying to pressure her to abort earlier on.

Oh what a tangled web we weave
when first we practice to deceive...

dondon33 · 14/08/2012 17:56

I'm so sorry Lou, it's not often I'm lost for words but what can I possibly say that hasn't already been said.
I don't think I've read/heard about a more selfish, evil, unhinged and calculating piece of shit.
Take care of yourself Lou xx

Mytimewillcomebutwhen · 14/08/2012 17:57

Hi Loup

I think what struck me most is how Chutney Twunt has been continuing to deceive you - look back to when you met up with him and he admitted the affair. It's gratuitous, all this, somehow, on his part. The angst. The spitefulness.

Getting angry is good. You have to get angry and hate him. Then you have to get icy cold, and be sensible, as you have been all along. It's not as easily rewarding but by being sensible you will beat Twunt every single time. He's a fucking headcase - truly. Try imagining shutting a door in his face every time you think of him cos guessing what he's doing or she's doing or anything is useless. He's such a liar that so much of the present state of play could be rubbish...

He can't do an awful lot of things anymore. That should hopefully please some small part of you, even though, of course lovely Lou, that isn't what you wanted at all to happen. But it has. I'm sorry x

sadwidow28 · 14/08/2012 17:57

Lou, to be honest, I would want to know who OW is also. I think you and I must have very similar personalities!

I once tailed my BF's sister's husband because I knew how the 'unknown' was eating her up inside. (My hubby was in the police and took me out the night before to teach me how to trail a car on a motorway.) Anyway, on the Friday afternoon, I and another mutual friend went out to do our PI work. My goodness..... the balloon went up that night! It turned out that the husband had entered a bigamist marriage with the OW and had 2 young children. His double life had been going on for 10 years.

It was so important to my BF's sister that she actually had evidence of who the OW was - but she wasn't prepared for a 2nd marriage and 2 children.

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