Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Chutney Twunt pt 3

999 replies

LouP19 · 14/08/2012 16:39

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

OP posts:
Portofino · 19/08/2012 18:26

Because I think no one is helping Lou by giving her dodgy advice and getting all carried away.

At this moment in time what Lou needs is decent legal advice.

OhDearNigel · 19/08/2012 18:29

Lou, instead of changing the main locks, what about getting your Dad to put in those funny internal door locks onto every door ? I think they're quite easy to put in and you just have one key that opens them.

I can gleefully imagine him getting into the house and then finding that every internal door is locked :)

Portofino · 19/08/2012 18:29

The previous solicitor was obviously crap as she failed to check whether there was a conflict of interests and has given Lou no advice on keeping twuntney out of the house, though that was an immediate area of concern. I hope they won't be sending a bill.

bogeyface · 19/08/2012 18:35

Good idea in theory but it wouldnt work ohdear as the keys are not specific, so one trip to wilkos or B&Q and he has a key to all of the doors.

OhDearNigel · 19/08/2012 18:38

good point !

lotsofcheese · 19/08/2012 18:52

My intention when raising the possibility if him taking the cats was not to cause distress to Lou or hysteria on the thread.

Simply that I would not like to be reading this thread in a week's time & hearing Lou shocked & devastated to find her cats gone.

Many of this "man's" recent actions have left Lou blindsided & could not have been predicted.

Forewarned & forearmed

Catkinsthecatinthehat · 19/08/2012 18:53

Portofino Where did he do that? he said it was inconvienent.

He initially said it was a bad time. Then on Aug 8th (see Lou's post of 13:50 that day) he texted to say "I don't think it is right to go ahead with this under these circumstances, especially as we now know that there is not a problem with either of us".

So he asked her to abort a wanted baby as being pregnant proved she was fertile and could have another one later - while failing to mention the reason he was so keen she get rid was he was expecting a baby with another woman.

skyebluesapphire · 19/08/2012 18:57

Can we please remember that Lou doesn't want arguing on here and also this thread is getting full again so let's not waste the last few posts. Please just ignore......

cakeismysaviour · 19/08/2012 19:07

Best way to deal with thread derailers is to ignore them and not give them the oxygen of replies.

Just saying. Wink

IvanaNap · 19/08/2012 19:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

FairPhyllis · 19/08/2012 19:27

Lou, stop looking at dating websites. I say this because it is patently obvious from the way people are rallying around in RL that you are a lovely person and absolute star and you are going to have RL people queuing up to date you once all of this is over Smile

I think if I were you I would book some time off work and stay in the house until you have seen a solicitor about changing the locks. Take taxis/lifts if you need to go out and make sure that anything you'd be devastated to lose is out of the house or locked away - computer, Denby, photos (do you have photos and files on the computer - back them up). The alarm is a good idea too.

I think it's unlikely he would take the cats, but I think you do have to be prepared for every scummy possibility. The advice about the microchips and establishing ownership is good.

Also beware him attempting to move back in - he might well attempt to do this if things go tits up with OW.

therugratref · 19/08/2012 19:34

I have just read all your threads. I take my hat off to you Lou, you ROCK. I could never in a million years cope with what you are coping with. The calm dignity and splash of humor you exhibit when your heart must be breaking is awe inspiring. I wish you all the best for the future. Stay strong

Portofino · 19/08/2012 19:43

When referring to thread "deraillers" I assume you are referring to me? I hardly think it is derailling the thread to say that some "supporters" need to reign it in a bit, and concentrate on the real day to day situation rather than hypothesizing about stbxh's mental health and intentions. When they know feck all. As I said, Lou needs proper legal advice on how to protect herself, and support to get her through the scan.

When you say "derailling", I am seeing - don't let this cow piss on our bonfire of speculation/entertainment by speaking the truth.

internationalvulva · 19/08/2012 19:52

Bluesy and Cake, why is Portofino a thread derailer just because she is putting her point across? Hers may not be inline with your opinion, but Lou is asking for advice from all, not just the few in agreement and although I think Lous partner is a little more twisted than Porto does, I actually think she has a point about hyping the cat killing thing.
A twat he most definitely is, of the highest order, but i'd guess he's ruled by his cock and large ego rather than evil... a person has to be a special brand of malevolent to kill an animal though vindictiveness. I'm sure it DOES happen, but no real signs here that he's that type IMO.
Porto makes a very valid point about the previous solicitor not advising on keeping him out of the house...Lou I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow and your new solicitor can help you with that aspect as I'm sure you will feel a lot less on edge once you know your house is the safe haven you have the right to. X

internationalvulva · 19/08/2012 19:53

X posts Porto, least I won't get called your sock puppet!! :o

TooManyDaisies · 19/08/2012 19:54

Lou - my heart absolutely goes out to you. I spent a few minutes imagining how horrid it would be to not know if and when someone might let himself into my home and take things. You must feel so vulnerable.

I would change the locks. Tonight even. I've had to do this (more than once!) because I'm RUBBISH with keys and it's not too expensive if you get someone out to do a straight swap.

Drop your old key down a drain. Whoops, you've dropped your key down a drain - nothing for it but to change the locks! Just do it. Then tell the solicitor you lost your keys and had to change them. They won't question it if it is a fait accompli.

It should give you some peace of mind too. Also, 50% of the time when I have had keys cut they don't (bloody well) work. So you could ask your locksmith to cut a key that almost fits. Cheeky, but of you're paying I'm sure they'll do it for you!

Oh Lou. One thing I will say is this. You're young. You have terrific family and friends around you. Better to be out of this unhappy marriage sooner rather than later. As for the baby... Hope all goes well at the scan.

Portofino · 19/08/2012 19:54

I am sorry Lou. I just get cross at the wild speculators but maybe they are more helpful to you, emotionally speaking? Did you think of posting in Legal with a list of specific questions?

TooManyDaisies · 19/08/2012 19:56

international if I remember rightly, Lou had booked the first solicitor's appointment under her father's name. Read the thread properly.

bogeyface · 19/08/2012 19:57

I do think that the cat killing thing is sheer hysteria. He is a self serving twunt who wont do anything without a direct benefit to him. He is not a stalker, abusive (well, in the normal sense) or violent.

He would gain nothing from doing that and it is clear that he is driven only by his own wants and needs. Any action that doesnt deliver a clear benefit to him in terms of money, property or sex will not even cross his mind.

internationalvulva · 19/08/2012 20:01

Daisies, my comment related to the advise on keeping the H out of the house NOT the solicitors conflict of interest. No issues with my reading skills. :o

Olympicnmix · 19/08/2012 20:01

This controlling bollocks from him will continue especially once the pregnancy becomes more advanced and probably more so once the baby is here. I know you haven't made a final decision, but I can only advise from personal experience to document something incredibly watertight where he is concerned regarding access as I believe Mathanxiety has with her exH. It can be very tough being tied to someone both via a child and financially with someone you really wish you didn't have to see again!

Remember though that you hold a number of cards. Your H has clearly committed adultery so is liable for the cost of the divorce(about 1k) but not the cost of sorting the finances which is usually more. That might not sound like control but you have the option of naming the OW in the divorce and papers will be served to her. How much will he want to avoid that I wonder? Certainly enough for you to change the locks and not give him a key, I suspect. Make sure you itemise what he had taken out of the family house for when you fill in Form E (I think it is called) that separates finances. One way or another he is paying for that radio.

And just very good luck. It is horrible now but you will emerge from the other side glad you are no longer with him and looking forward to life's possibilities.

internationalvulva · 19/08/2012 20:04

Olympic is very right about you holding a number of cards Lou, I know you must feel like things are out of control now, but you will slowly gain back all the power he has tried to take from you, and when you do it will be all yours!

RunYouBastardRun · 19/08/2012 20:05

I'm with porto. He is a cunting twat - no doubt about that. But winding Lou up to the point of hysteria while she's newly pregnant is not the best plan. He may be a vindictive bastard but the best way for Lou to deal with this is to stay within the law and retain the higher moral ground.

TooManyDaisies · 19/08/2012 20:06

Sorry international, my mistake

Portofino · 19/08/2012 20:09

TooManyDaisies - yes she booked the first, 30 mins free appointment under her dad's name. The second one - presumably the solicitor had the relevant info, so should have KNOWN that the dh had already been in, and still never advised the op on how to protect the house. As I said, shoddy advice - and I hope they won't be charging Lou for this.