Chutney Twunt pt 3

[LouP19]

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

God, Lou, I think I remember the farmers' market thing now. The scary thing is how he normalised this so your reaction wasn't "fuck you and the horse you rode in on" but to wait to see if he would graciously bestow his favour upon you again like the Emperor Caligula.

That, btw, is why he's so confused you're not acting like that again this time.

So he has hired a van and spent the day clearing stuff out (note stuff not HIS stuff). Then he returns for a lunchtime flit and takes more. Now his mother suggests there will be yet more to take! Words fail me (again).

I think at this point regardless of the detail of the law I would be changing the locks. If it ever went to court I woud argue that I imagined that he had taken all he wanted on those two occasions when he deliberatly decided you had no say in the matter and now wanted to feel safe leaving your front door in the morning that that would be what you would return to in the evening.

If you really feel you can't change the locks, please seriously consider getting an alarm fitted. But preferably both.

Totally agree with Doris re changing the locks regardless or at least adding new ones/alarms etc.

Take an inventory and photos of the house and its contents.

See the new solicitor ASAP - find out about the logistics of tracking him and OW down ASAP so you can file for divorce on grounds of adultery and name her as co-respondent. Get them to send him a letter in the meantime re finances & the house and it's contents and accessing the property appropriately by prior arrangement...

....then kick chutney-fuckers arse into the middle of next year!

Lou - you mention the possibility of him coming back for the tv and the computer.

I don't know about you, but if someone took the tv it would be replaceable but if they suddenly took the computer I would be stuck. I'd lose writing, emails and addresses etc etc, all sorts of history and information which would not be at all easily replaced. Perhaps you are more organised than I, but you might need to make sure you have backed up all your stuff from this (and fully deleted anything he shouldn't be able to access), or better still take the computer over to your parents', or do something else (?heavy new filing cabinet - or could he pick that lock too?) to make it inaccessible to him.

You poor thing. But, you know, there are some positives here.

One is the humour - the fact that you can still be funny about this. One day you will look back and be able to laugh at things, such at people's descriptions (the gift that keeps on giving; the load his mother etc) and the whole sheer madness of this 'man'-child.

And another is watching you begin to come out from what appears to have been an oppressive shadow. There are glimmers of you like a butterfly beginning to shake its wings in the sunshine.

I second Sadwidow's and Allalonenow's posts there.

Yes, yes, yes to the alarm.

I also think it would be nice to have friends and family visiting. Especially when you are not home.

Lou I think you might just have your next thread title: "A (chutney) load his mother should have swallowed"

Was guffawing out loud at that one!

Lou I think you will not get satisfaction from his parents any more. They have chosen to believe the insane and insulting party line spun by Chunt. Your parents are so lovely, on the other hand!
I find the Farmer's Market story so upsetting. I am so pleased that no matter what crap you have to go through in your immediate future you will no longer be married to someone who could treat you like that.
Onwards and upwards.

maybe someone in legal could put me right on this, but shouldn't there be some kind of clause that barrs an owner from entering a property if someone is living there, particularly as the owner doesn't live there (not sure I've put that right - one too many tonight!) ie like a landlord can't enter his/her property if tenants are living there without giving 48 hours notice? It makes no sense that a spouse can leave the marital home and yet expects free access at any time. I am horrified that he has done this. My guess is that you aren't responding in the way he expected and so he is punishing you. yy these types are seriously warped re he's punishing you - when if anybody has the 'right' to be punishing anybody, it would be the other way around.

I am delighted to hear you saying you will never take the blame for what he's done. You are not arrogant to say that but absolutely spot on: none of this can possibly be your fault. I said a while ago on one of your threads that what these types do is such a headfuck, makes no possible sense, that in the end you stop trying to work it out because it does your head in. You need to carry on thinking about what is right for you and hold fast to that. It is and will be the only solid thing in the midst of this absolute chaos.

keep on keeping on sweetie. YOu're doing so well.

I hope him and his whole fucking family rots in Hell. Bunch of pathetic, sickening, creepy, fucking cowards.

^^ Absolutely agree learning!

Oh lou, I keep returning to this thread hoping to hear some good news and it seems he keeps finding ways to chip away at you. Tosser!

I agree that the recent turn of events could mean you end up with an even better lawyer, so here's hoping for that.

Wrt your home and property inventory your entire house, everything. Make a note of when he has entered the house and what he's taken. Give these to your new lawyer and see if there's a way to keep him out for the minute. Or at the very least stop him from stealing stuff.

Have you decided what to do about your scan appointment? If it's easier to keep it as it is could you perhaps ring them and let them know he is not to be present for the scan, if he were to turn up?

I'm so sorry he's continuing to act like such a knobber, you on the other hand have been dignified and classy. Keeping you in my thoughts hun.

Lou

You could ask in the legal section on here for some advice as to what you can do now, before you get a solicitor as there are some very good family solicitors on here.

Oh, Lou, I'm sorry it's been a turn for the worse with the sol.

Can I REALLY strongly advise that you take photos of every room in the state they are now (including a shot of the TV/computer in situ).

More importantly if you are accessing MN from your home computer please, please wipe your internet history every time you finish. You really don't want to lead him here.

Best wishes with the new sol. I hope you kick his arse.

yy, second what ComradeJing says about wiping your internet history every time you finish, and log off MN too. And backup your important documents and photos somewhere else. I would actually have expected him to take the computer by now on one of his raids, going on past form.

Still rooting for you! You will get there

How're you this morning lou? I replied to your pm

Thanks everyone for your lovely comments. First night sleeping in 'our' old bed, but it's been moved to another room with new bedlinen. To be honest I keep reminding myself it's not actually been OUR bed for several months, so trying to detach myself a bit there.

Didn't sleep well again last night, too hot and can't switch my brain off!

Re: locks. I've been lent a rather massive new padlock for the side gate by one of the neighbours. There will be no 'picking' of this! He can't get in through the front door as it's bolted from the inside, so the only way he could get in currently would be to climb over the side gate. Can't see him carrying massive TVs and computers over the gate. Will seek further advice on this next week, but I was told last week that given my vulnerability he is only allowed access to the property once he has notified me. We are already thinking of moving the Denby set (yes really) to my parents house. What a fucking joke. Also think the computer will be moved on the days I'm at work.

I'm just waiting for all the utilities to start going off now. But again solicitor said let's wait to see what he does,......

Going to try and have a quiet morning at home, writing up details and a diary of events - when he left, what he's taken, his text messages - all that. Just so I have it all documented.

I was planning to visit a friend tomorrow for the day, but given that I'm waiting to hear from my new solicitors (I was told they'd call me back on Monday) I've got to stay here. Very disappointed as I really could've done with a day away from all this.

Morning Lou.

I know that some of us sound like a broken record, but you really need to get that alarm sorted out as soon as possible. I'd prefer it if you changed the locks (in light of the break-in) but I sense that you're reluctant to do that if you haven't already.

My worry is what else is he going to take next and how that will make you feel? Half the bedlinen? Half the towels? Half the photos? You'll be on tenterhooks every time you leave the house.

If he knows about your scan date, he could pop back when you're at that.

You really don't need to have to deal with the possibility of coming back from the scan (having no doubt been tense about the possibility of him turning up to that) only to get home and find he's had another clearout. I wouldn't put it past him. The cock.

So please get an alarm or change the locks. Its your space now. Your sanctuary. Protect it.

Lou - regarding the answerphone message, are you sure that his parents aren't just saying that they've told him he should go through a solicitor about getting stuff from the house? i.e not just walk/break in whenever he feels like it.

Doesn't necessarily mean that they've totally gone over to the dark side. I disagree with posters who say you should cut off contact with them. They will want to be able to say that their son has behaved decently about the settlement and can be a useful tool in guilt-tripping him to do so.

Cross posted with you.

Where is the computer? Can you put it in the spare room and put a lock on the door?

I would feel lost without my computer. If you would feel the same without it, he'd probably love to take it to exert the ultimate control over you.

If he has work-related stuff on the computer, he may be able to argue that he needs it. Tools of his trade, etc etc.

Lou, give mobile no to new solicitor? And enjoy your day out.

The stuff about the marriage being over because you wouldn't forgive him just makes it all so premeditated somehow.

That one thing, before all of this started, that he believed you wouldn't forgive and that would ensure the collapse of his marriage. So what does he very deliberately do. Oh yes, that very same thing.

Could you move everything into the spare room and put a lock on the door - the pc and other stuff you think he may take. That's not breaking any laws surely?

Bloody Hell.

I been reading your threads with a growing sense of OHMYGOD!!!

HE CAN NOT GET ANY WORSE.

And then he does.

You however are amazing. (and your Mum & Dad)

My friend divorced a mini-chutney, He walked out blaming her, he had OW, but it a was all her fault. She has never said, but her relief when he left was huge glaringly obvious. And she like you realised that the reason they had such a big circle of friends was not due to him, but because she was a lovely person.