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Original poster

Chutney Twunt pt 3

999 replies

LouP19 · 14/08/2012 16:39

Back again, is this a record? How many threads can this bastard have? You are all keeping me going this afternoon - you and friends on email and friends on text. It's keeping me angry which is good.

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 19/08/2012 15:44

Course, the fact that I am Little Miss Rulebook probably just underlines the fact that I am wrong. He's not following the rules, is he.

Original poster
LouP19 · 19/08/2012 15:56

Ahh, thanks MadBusLady, your post is lovely.

I just can't get out of my head his Mum's comment 'There have been problems in the marriage since late last year'. Well, yes!!! And I wonder why?!!!!!

The injustice of that comment is infuriating. It's such bollocks!

(Will you tell me to stop looking at internet dating sites please? I keep looking when I have 5 minutes, WHY am I doing this?!! I've searched for men from 34 - 42 and most of them are looking for women up to 35. FFS!!! Just another thing to get depressed about!)

OP posts:
sugarice · 19/08/2012 15:58

Stop looking at Dating Sites!!!!!!!!!! You don't need them Grin. Forget anything said by his Parents, their comments are pointless and simply not in your interests.

Original poster
LouP19 · 19/08/2012 15:59

Thank you sugarice Wink

OP posts:
ItWentThatWay · 19/08/2012 16:02

Hey Lou, his family are being arseholes, I wonder where he gets it from?

I had the OW tell me I had marriage problems! Yeah no shit Sherlock! I think that's because you were humping my h! Hmm.

Those dating sites are not the best and be careful, there are more than a few MM on them! I'm currently helping somebody whose DH has a profile on one! You are a lovely person and you will find somebody who deserves you.

His mother needs reminding why there were problems! Angry

DozyDuck · 19/08/2012 16:05

If you can't change the locks i would move the TV into my mums place for now. But then you'd have nothing to watch Sad

QuietTiger · 19/08/2012 16:05

Quite apart from the fact that I've been lurking on your threads, Lou with an increasing level of "OH.MY.GOD, what a complete and chutney twunt" you H is (I think you are awesome in the way you are handling this by the way, and are a complete example of a strong, empowered and fantastic person), one thing that jumps out at me, is that he seems to be doing all this in a really vindictive manner.

Speaking from cat rescue experience, please, please make sure your cats are safe. Even if you move them to your mum and dads for the time being. The reason I say that, is not to scare you (but this will, I'm afraid), is that three times I have dealt with cases where vindictive ex-H's have deliberately taken pets to be PTS at the vets so they can get back at their partners. By killing the cats, they have the ultimate control over the thing the partners have loved the most. Given that he's letting himself in and out, please ensure the cats safety too.

Am thinking of you. :)

Abitwobblynow · 19/08/2012 16:05

Now this discussion re: locks is going in the right direction! Life Isn't Fair. And it seems rather unprotective to continue following the rules (of reasonable behaviour) when the other person is NOT following the rules.

An example: friends of mine bought a house, which part of the front garden was being used as a nursery. They said to the nice-seeming young bloke that he could carry on for a bit whilst he sorted himself out. After a while, it was getting a bit much and they asked him to move his stuff. He refused.

So, they consulted a lawyer who wrote him a letter (£300) asking him to vacate or decease and desist or WHATEVER the Rules are.

Which very nicely established IN LAW that he was where he was for however long and he claimed squatter's rights. It took a real battle and a lot of money to get rid of him.

I learned a lot from that.

MadBusLady · 19/08/2012 16:07

I can't altogether tell you that actually, I think it's harmless window-shopping Grin. Although yes the age thing IS horrible. It would totally put me off those people. And I realise that may not leave all that many...

Which ones are you looking at? I've never used them, but I get the sense they have different reputations which might affect who signs up to them. Eg PoF I gather has the reputation for no strings shagging (no offence to anyone using it, there are always exceptions Blush).

And yes, that comment is totally fucking unjust, and his parents are just vile idiots. Their son is so awful that they were briefly shocked into facing reality, but it couldn't last. The only way to beat these people is no contact so they can't control or upset you, I'm sorry because I know that's shit and it leaves all the injustice boiling away with no outlet. The only revenge really is to live well. (Though there's a Frasier episode where he says that to Niles about a school bully and Niles says "Yes, I'm sure. It just doesn't turn up in a lot of opera plots, that's all.")

Bossybritches22 · 19/08/2012 16:07

LouP -step away from that website

Look at these instead

Grin
Original poster
LouP19 · 19/08/2012 16:10

Hi QuietTiger, understand your concern about the cats, but I don't think he'd do anything like that. The reason I say this is about 4 days ago he sent me an email to say he'd paid their insurance for the next year. So that weirded me out a bit, but he wouldn't do that if he was intending to do anything with them, I hope,.......

And the OW has a dog (that time I met him in the pub he gave me a load of cat food he'd bought from PAH and there was a massive bag of James WellBeloved in the back of his car). So putting 2 and 2 together there. I even feel betrayed for the cats - he's left us for someone with a dog ffs!!

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 19/08/2012 16:12

By the way THIS

She ended up changing the locks, after she lost her handbag, then promised via a solicitors letter to give him a key, but unfortunately, because she was so upset about the split, kept forgetting to get one cut until after the divorce settlement, in which she kept the marital home.

....is inspired.....Grin

Original poster
LouP19 · 19/08/2012 16:13

Thanks BossyBritches,... Grin

I've been looking at the guardian soulmates. But stopped now,....

OP posts:
IvanaNap · 19/08/2012 16:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

QuietTiger · 19/08/2012 16:18

Well there you are then, Lou - reason to divorce him on "unreasonable" grounds, as well as adultery!

Any man who leaves someone with cats for someone with a dog (and I speak as someone who has 9 cats!) is definitely someone who can't be reasoned with! Grin

lotsofcheese · 19/08/2012 16:25

If he's paid the cats' insurance for a year that might indicate he intends on taking them too?

After all Mr "I pay the mortgage" just lets himself in & helps himself to other things he's "entitled" to from the house.

Just a thought...

Original poster
LouP19 · 19/08/2012 16:26

If he took the cats I'd kill him. Forget all this dignity and restraint lark, I'd pay someone to track him down and kill him. He is not taking my cats!!! Wink

(Trying to see the funny side, got to!)

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 19/08/2012 16:29

I'd be worried about him taking the cats too...

bumbleymummy · 19/08/2012 16:29

Sorry, x-post. :)

brianbennettfan · 19/08/2012 16:31

Lou, if he takes your cats, I'll bloody kill him. Smile

mummyinspain · 19/08/2012 16:34

Lou are the cats microchipped in your name?????
If so then they legally are yours.

lotsofcheese · 19/08/2012 16:37

Sorry, didn't mean to alarm you, Lou . It just wouldn't surprise me if he did try to take them, based on his previous form.

QuietTiger · 19/08/2012 16:39

Which is my point, Lou.

My cats are the one thing that my DH would be able to completely control me with. (Not that he ever would). Might be worth establishing ownership of them NOW.

Do that, by:

  1. Making sure their microchips are registered in your name only. (registered microchips can be used as proof of ownership in court) and that none of his details are on them. If they are not chipped, get them chipped ASAP.

  2. Making clear to the vet that it is your name only on the account - not Mr & Mrs Lou.

  3. Digging out financial records that show you as having paid for their treatment - vets bills etc.

  4. Checking any adoption paperwork to make sure it is in your name only (if it's not, burn it)

  5. Make VERY clear to the vet - note their file, that if for some reason they are taken to the vet without you, YOU are to be contacted before any treatment or medical procedure takes place. Register the fact with your vet that there is a possible abduction situation and unauthorised vet visits/potential theft senario.

  6. Get your lawyer to establish that he is not to touch/take the cats because they are yours. Material things can be replaced. They can't. :)

Portofino · 19/08/2012 16:41

"By killing the cats, they have the ultimate control over the thing the partners have loved the most. Given that he's letting himself in and out, please ensure the cats safety too. "

Sheesh - more hysteria! How does this help Lou?

So basically, the twat has moved out to location unknown, consulted a solicitor, let himself into the house he owns to collect belongings/post, and said to his parents - oh she will never forgive me for this, I think this is irretrievable

From this info, he has been diagnosed by MN as a narcissist, evil pycho, vindictive potential cat killer.

Yes, he has behaved in an awful, disgusting way - but come on folks!

cakeismysaviour · 19/08/2012 16:41

Just change the locks. Yes its illegal, but you are hardly going to get thrown into jail over it!

You can have a key cut for Chutney, but as you don't have a forwarding address you won't be able to send him it. Wink