real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

Oh good there is a new thread :) realised I did the 1000th message on the old one by accident .

Need to get up (am blessed with DC who also share the sentiment of liking bed in the mornings). Need to tidy house and also have minor panic about meeting Mr Nices 17 year old DS this evening (along with Mr Nice obviously). We're all going to have dinner together as Jamie Oliver has kindly opened a new restaurant here and his DS thought it would be nice to go with me as well. So we are .

sponge am glad to see you sounding much more positive :)

And time what a complete knob. Are nearly all men just lacking some vital brain cell which makes them not realise that ppl going on about sex just isn't good? And the texting and then phoning early just not on at all....

Of course the men are not better leuji, men are men whether you meet them in real life or on line, just meeting them in real life is better, less of a shock to the system when a gorilla turns up instead of the handsome prince you were expecting! I would have been quite disappointed if I had been messaging this guy for a couple of weeks, only to meet him and discover he was the knob he so obviously is. I still think real life is better.

I'm ignoring him. Any contact would be an invitation for him to contact me, and I'm not inviting him to anything! He is just coming across as desperate, something I'm not!

Sponge I'm loving your positive and upbeat attitude

OOh, another text "are you not talking to me now x" He's a clever bloke isn't he? Working that out all by himself.

I told him, loud and clear, that I did not like the sex talk, it is too early in proceedings, he apologised and carried on! Even went on to ask me, twice for a sexy pic!! Calling me Luv, and Hun.

I agree that real life feels like a more 'honest' way of meeting someone. The men themselves won't be any better (or worse), they are as they are, but I think you cut to the chase a lot quicker. I bet Time if this guy had been on POF it might have taken 2 or 3 days to get to the current, irritating stage, at least you found out sooner rather than later this way :)

My Essex trip may be off, my friend is ill. hoping she will be better in time...if not I will make the best of a weekend at home on my own :) Need to make a start decorating DS1s room which I have been putting off for ages!

time!

i have no words! the beauty of the Australian Volleyball Olympian checking me out was that theer was no swapping of numbers so I can maintain my mental image of beautiful manners, glorious voice and smell and not have my pedestal cruelly dashed by text speak and stupidity regarding the solicitation of 'sexypix'

ugh. vile man. what a fuckmuppet.

That's it exactly Sponge, with real life you find out pretty quickly and so it's less disappointing.

Just had another text "I'm sorry if I've offended u I know u r a lady and a sexy lady at that hand on heart, sorry x" So he recognises I am a laydeee, he apologises, then goes and spoils it by adding the sexy bit. He just can't bleeding well help himself!!

Yes, Snape, fuckmuppet, indeed! And he probably would too! (Fuck a muppet that is)

so funny Time:o

Time, I'd be so tempted to reply, 'I'm not sorry if this offends you, I know you're a fuckmuppet, and thick fuckmuppet at that :) hand on heart, fuck off'

i love you lubey :)

Lol. Lubey. That was funny. How are you feeling anyway?
The pof texter has started asking me to go away to Wales. He hasn't met me. FFS.

I love you too snape :o

I am ok thanks Scattylatte The being in limbo is starting to feel a bit weird, and it's very odd not speaking to him, and I miss him rather more than I thought I would, but I'm still very very glad of the miles of space, and intend to make the most of it. My thoughts keep going down completely different tracks, and I keep thinking of different things I want to ask, so that says to me that I'm doing the right thing with the radio silence and have a good, long think.

He text today asking if Tues or Wed next week is ok, I replied choosing Wednesday.

I was considering emailing ahead of time some of my thoughts, and ask for no reply but just for him to mull it over - but I think I've decided keeping my cards close to my chest so to speak is better. I want him to speak and show his hand first.

The problem with real life is that I think I come across as too aloof and independent.

But yes, I agree that we can probably sort out the knobs earlier on in RL.

Having said that, I have cut off anyone mentioning sex in the first messages. And I think you were too polite Time. :) You should have stopped responding after the second mention or so.
The problem is that you had already met him and were attracted to him.
Online you might have not been so blinded by your hormones.

That's what I love about Mr VN. Sex is clearly on the table but he hasn't actually mentioned it as such and he is certainly not getting off on sex messages or talk.
One of his main concerns for this weekend seems to be a desert we are supposed to make together.

I think you are right in not precluding the conversation, Lubey.
Your own thoughts may well change until then and not knowing what he has on his mind it could make things worse.

'The problem is that you had already met him and were attracted to him.
Online you might have not been so blinded by your hormones'
Good point Lueji !!

and I agree setting things up so that the other person has to show their hand first is often the best way to put yourself in a strong position:)

Hormones are importnat though - better to know where they are at the start before you start to like someone (lies!) online and then meet and theres no spark. saves the investment in time, emotion and horniness and they still turn out to be a twat

Thanks Lueji.

God it's crap being a grown up isn't it, and furthermore a sensible, non stalkerish, non bunny boiler grown up.

I'd quite like to have a dramatic teen style tantrum over it all, completely ignore the best courses of action, wail a bit, get pissed and phone him at 3am crying doooooont leeeeeeeave meeeee, then shag his best mate.

Instead we have polite and reasonable discourse, and I haven't even done a sadface. lmao

so is his best mate, erm, fit..like?
:o

Might be...

sounds like a plan B :o

Personally, I'd go with "if you think we are not good together, then forget it", then shag his best mate. :o

More seriously, be careful not to fall in the trap of working at the relationship if that means only you working.
In that sense, it's good that you have time to analyse your own feelings about the relationship.

He text me again "I never thought you would be ignorant x" I couldn't resist a reply to that. "Tell me, do you use a calculator in your job as an accountant, or an abacus? Because you are coming across as very immature. I did explain to you that I didn't feel we are suited, I gave you the reasons why, in case you can't remember the reasons were the smutty talk and the request for 'sexy pics'. You can now add to that list texting me at 6:40am this morning and following that up with a ring of my phone. Can I respectfully suggest that before you call me ignorant you take a look at your own behaviour and try to work out why I do not want to see you or hear from you again. I wish you well with your future relationships"

So far, no reply

I wasn't blinded by hormones when I met him, it was my imagination and thoughts of what might happen that caused a stir in my hormones, this is just as likely to happen after talking to someone online. I was attracted to him when I met him but I might not have been attracted to him if I had seen him online. The way he was dressed appealed to me, and he had shiny shoes and a nice voice, it was the package I was attracted to. I wouldn't have seen that in a photo, so I still think it's better to meet in real life than online, at least I knew what I would be getting if he hadn't turned out to be such a knob. Oh and I did cut him off leuji, I sent him the message telling him the sex talk was inappropriate and i didn't think we were suited. He continued texting but I didn't reply, and haven't replied to any of his texts until the one I describe above.

way to go time, you totally outmanouvred him :o
what a tool he is!

Wonder if he will reply to that!

Lueji, I'd never do that. Did that for 6 years of a ten year marriage, never again!