real life challenges vs online misadventures, dating (and non-dating) thread 19

[hatesponge]

I have been to the pub. I'm not pissed but I am happy (well happier at least).

Conclusions reached this evening:

1. I am pretty bloody amazing, and any man I choose to date is very very lucky and should appreciate this fact!
2. Online dating is not for me. But I have learned from it that I shouldnt judge a book by it's cover and not to be so superficial
3. Man from the weekend DID like me, he is either still in love with his wife, or still hurt by her and lacking in confidence, there is NOTHING I did wrong, and he probably will be back at some point, but it will be too late because I will have MOVED ON :)
4. I am joining the gym and losing my remaining 3 stone.
5. I am going back to my old haunts in Essex this weekend because I have the best nights out there and feel at home. I intend to drink, dance, look fabulous and talk to anyone and everyone!

So that's my resolutions for the thread in essence, less moaning, more exercise, to have fun and be sociable to everyone, less aloof unavailable ice queen and more friendly and approachable.

This thread is moving along at a very quick rate. Shouldn't be MNetting as should be packing as we are going on holiday tomorrow but somehow watching Olympics (Boxing - why boxing - I do not like boxing at all....) is more attractive . Is so much easier to pack for just me and two DC though - used to find the whole holiday thing with XH a pain as I always felt he would help and yet he was worse than them and looking after another child not good.

I digress.

Meeting Mr Nice's DS was completely fine - was a bit nervous before but we all just had a good meal together :) I am still for whatever reasons wary of introducing my DC - but will play it all by ear i reckon.

Things aren't going to pack themselves are they? But at least it's just throw everything in the car rather than going on a plane....

Yes, i only have one, very sensible girl, who tells me off when i swear.
Luckily i dont have to tell her off very often really, and shes super helpful and nice, even if she does have an appalling habbit of passing wind loudly.
:)

He has cats, two real ones, two ones that are neighbours and visit alot. They have stupid names and theme tunes, which he has sung me. THAT was when i knew i liked him.
:)

have a lovely holiday miranda.
:)

I am still not packing

Am looking forward to the holiday although I suspect Northumberland weather will be a little wet and cold again (went to same place last year too)

Mr Lovely is sounding very much lovely watch . Hope you have a great weekend

Leuji I said I am tied with having a young DD and I have explained why. If I can't get out I don't get the opportunity to make new friends, male or female. And I know what to do, it's just not happening, I don't have the opportunities. I am around people with good relationships, I do have witness to that, my friend has a wonderful husband and they have been married 25 years. And I take DD with me everywhere I go! Friends come here with there children. I'm not a social pariah!! I have a very nice life, which I enjoy. And please don't forget one very important thing here, and that is that I am only just starting out. I have taken time out to recover from an abusive past. I'm not adverse to any of the things you suggest, I've simply spent time finding myself, loving myself, and making concerted efforts not to ever end up with another twatting abusive fuckmuppet!!!

Snape that is a wonderful idea! DD is very theatrical and has asked me to find her some drama classes. I have had a look for classes for her age group but the only ones local to us include singing and dancing lessons too, which she doesn't want, she just wants the drama side of it. And she will be 10 next week!!!

I do get out, but it's during the day, so I'm not completely isolated. I would like an evening social life though, you know? I would like to meet people that I can go out with when DD is at her dads, that's every other week. I'm not really lonely, I like my own company, but I would like to add another dimension to my life, I've come a long way since I left refuge, I really have changed and I am a totally different person to the one I used to be, but I would like to 'grow' some more I love people, I love talking to people, so I would like to be in an environment where I get the chance to do so. I am desperately trying to find a job to be able to exactly that. I am due to start a work programme sometime in September and although I won't be receiving pay and I am really looking forward to the work experience.

And Snape, I would look at you for a gawp, but it wouldn't be because I think you are horrible, or however you describe yourself. I would be intrigued and I would want to get to know you so I could talk about your body art. I do think you are gorgeous as well as intriguing. I admire you greatly for having the confidence to express yourself the way in which you do. It sets you apart from others, and in a good way. You are an individual, you don't conform to 'the norm' and I love that, I really do. You should be very proud of yourself And bloody good luck with the seduction of PM!!!

Sponge I can't ride a bike to save my life! My balance is terrible! We do go walking though where DD rides her bike. And we go swimming when I'm a bit flush, it's 4 buses and a fortune to get in so it isn't too often. We have a picnic in the park planned when she is back from her dads, with a friend and her daughter so that will be nice. We do lots of things together really. It's my social life I want to get up and running, a bit of something outside DD.

Watch sorry you are having a crap time but I'm pleased things are going well with MrLovely.

Well, I've been for my hair doing and then into town where I bought myself a lovely dress in the sales, so I am an back on top form. I can't believe how posting all that stuff yesterday upset me!! I was crying for ages, felt very sorry for myself, felt I took a step or two back, that I had more shit to work on. But you know what, sod it! I'm good. I know what I want and what I don't want, I know what I want in a man and when he comes my way I will welcome him with open arms, but until he does come my way I am staying single, because I'm not wasting my precious time on fuckmuppets!!

BUT, I'm not adverse to having a bit of fun inbetween, just not with fuckmuppets.

Hurrah for Time.

Its not worth letting people that dont know you, make judgements that are snap, and based on nothing. Happens with internet dating too, and we all know, and other people know ( that post snape put up) how god awful that is.
You know your truth.
Dont let people that dont know run you down.

It IS hard to get out and about and work on your OWN social life when you have a young DC and cant get out in a evening. It makes it more difficult, Esp when that DC is young, tired from school, has homework and needs to be in bed. ( DD goes to bed at 7, i couldnt possibly do any evening thing with her SO, night after night im on my own. What friends i do have round here also have young children, so, even if they are not lone parents, they are also doing the homeowkr, dinner, bed time thing. its just how it is. You are certainly not a social reject, and you only have to look at the number of threads put up by people, even married people that feel lonely doing the same thing. Its hard.
Of course, trying to get a social life outside of DC, when you are/ have rebuilt your life, is also quite hard. Having the time to invest being the biggest issue i think.

Thank you Watch, someone who understands!!

And not forgetting the money issue too, that has some bearing on things. BUT, it isn't a social life with DD I am desiring, we already have a very good one of those, it's a social life outside of DD that I am hoping to get sometime soon, I am feeling ready for one now, the next step!

I definitely understand you. :)

DS doesn't even go to his dad's and I spend virtually all my free time with him.

It doesn't sound so bad, socially, from your more extensive explanation. Your earlier comments made it seem worse, I suppose. :o

Just take it easy. As you say, you have just come out of a bad relationship, where you were isolated. Be positive and build up relationships slowly.
It seems that you are on the right track. :)

PS- just to clarify, I had replied earlier to this specific sentence "And I would love to have male friends, it's just at the moment, with DD being so young, I'm a bit tied." That's why I was specific.

I am positive leuji, I am the most positive person I know! I have had to be, if I hadn't been a positive person I wouldn't be here now, truthfully. Even in the darkest times I looked for a positive, it was the only way to survive another day. Now though, I am happy because I am happy, iyswim. I have taken it easy. It's two and a half years since I left him and I have taken every effort to work through everything. I am in a better place now than I have ever been in my life. I don't hate men, I may be wary of men but I think that is understandable I think, and I spot red flags a mile off, so if I spot a red flag, even if it is a tiny one, I won't entertain the bloke, I don't need to, I don't need to compromise myself for a bloke because I am just as happy without one as I would be with one.

I don't see the point you are trying to clarify. I corrected you when you stated having a child doesn't stop you having friends, male or female. I replied that I didn't say that, I said I was tied, which I am. You replied "That was what you said, Time. Perhaps not what you meant, though. "
There is nothing to clarify. You were wrong.

Also, I am wondering where I posted that I have no social life. I posted mainly about having no decent male role models. I don't recall saying that I have no social life.

Something else, I am not a victim of my past, I am a survivor. And I don't regret anything that happened to me because it made me the person I am today, and I am proud of the person I am.

Just saying.

time and so you should be. I am not glad I went through what I did but it has given me some much needed life experience and I now know I am strong. And what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Thank you MLM. I'm not pleased I had to endure it all, but I don't wallow over it, it happened, it was highly unpleasant, but I refuse to let it take over my life.

Time in all the time we have been posting on these threads you have never struck me as anything other than positive, in fact I have often thought how I'd love to be as positive and upbeat as you seem pretty much all the time when I am just a grumpy arse!

I have had the most anxious hour of my life this evening. When I got back from work DS1 was having a nap and DS2 nowhere to be seen . So I panicked completely. DS1 had no idea where he was. We had to phone the Evil Ex who went mental. He took DS1 down to the park where they saw some of DS2's friends who said (correctly) he was at another friends house.

Cue huge relief all round.

The only downsuide of course is the Evil Ex is completely and totally back to his arsey self.

You live and learn....I have so much, i was far too young and niave to be out in the world on my own, but i did, and as a result i ended up in a mess, to the point i saw no way out and ashamed as i am now to admit it, but i did take an overdose of sleeping tablets cos i couldnt cope, my son was 10months old, i was suffering severe pnd and I HATED him, i mean really hated and even writing that now it makes me cry because i love him with all my heart, but along the way i got lost for a while. Being with my ex I lost the girl i had once lost, my spirit had been broken, i had been and now am again, a bubbly girl, who loved life, who trusted unconditionally, who wore her heart on her sleeve and had an open heart and mind, now although still open minded and now feeling my love of life and spirit returning, i still struggle to trust anyone, i dont open up to most people, in fact this is the one place i do open up, cos i know that although you guys might have a go its always with good reason, and i actually appreciate that, though sometimes it must seem like it falls on deaf ears. I loved my ex with all my heart, i opened up and let him in, and got hurt for it, so now i am more careful, i know at some point, when i want to spend my life with someone i will have to tell them what happened to me and for them to understand me and my fears.

This thread is full of strong no-nonsense women. :)

time you've often complimented me, usually when I'm having a mega wobble, that you wished we were friends in real life :). I'm delighted to return the compliment, you always have time to give such excellent advice. I wasn't aware that you'd had such a rough time of things in the fairly recent past, I have SO much respect for you. I would be honoured to count you amongst my real life coven friends. You're an incredible woman. :).

Caaaaan you feeeeel the LOVE toniiiight?! ;-)

Just back from afternoon in the gym with PM. Both a bit tired, we've called it a night. I'm now at the flirtatious stage of gently teasing him, it's nice.

PM: I briefly went out with a woman once, who was a borderline alcoholic, the first night we spent together, she woke up the next day and downed a glass of vodka...
Me: was that to cope with the horror of waking up next to you?
PM: yes, that was definately it. .

It's fine. :)

you're not a grumpy arse Sponge, you just get frustrated sometimes. I was thinking last night, there is you, so wanting to once again experience the love that you once had with your lovely ex, and there is me, so wanting to avoid repeating the experience I had with the bastard ex!

I've just started reading the book The Secret. I've only read the first few pages but it is explaining the laws of attraction. It says that we have to stop saying what we don't want, because what we don't want is what we will attract, we have to change or mind set and think only about what we do want, that puts us in a really good mind set and we are most likely to attract exactly what we are after. Makes a lot of sense. So, I'm going to stop thinking about what I don't want and start concentrating on what I do want!! Saw a nice pair of shoes today so I'm concentrating on them

Don't let the Evil Ex bother you. He's not worth the head space, he's just an abusive bully, what he thinks is not important. Am pleased all turned out well with the boys though

*MLM, I'm sorry you had a hard time too, it does get easier. There was a point, when I was at my lowest, that I thought 'this must be it, this must be how i am destined to feel for the rest of my life, because the pain just didn't seem to be getting any better. I used to get up on a morning and plant a smile on my face especially for DD, it would disappear until it was time to collect her from school. One day I woke up and I found i didn't have to force a smile, it just came naturally, my heart felt a little lighter, I knew then that I had turned a corner. It still took a while and I did have some set backs but you know, with every set back I took an even bigger step forward. I don't have any pain at all now, I am completely void of any feelings whatsoever as far as my ex is concerned. I refuse to waste any emotional energy on him whatsoever. I refuse to allow him head space because I refuse to allow him to control me, when he was in my head he was still controlling me even though he wasn't here. It takes time, it takes practice and it takes determination, but it can be done. And it's well worth all the effort

Thank you so much Snape, that's a lovely thing to say, and I am honoured, and I would love to consider myself your real life friend

Oh yes, I am feeling the love!

Oh I do love your banter with PM. I still hope for a happy ending to this love story. am pleased you are making efforts to seduce him, I'm pleased you are going for it

Find a porn site and a picture of a naked shemale. Upload it to your phone and text it to him with the words "well you wanted to see me naked so here I am"
You will never hear from him again

snape I love that bit of banter with PM. I can only ever come up with anything witty with men I dont fancy. i'm useless with the ones I do actually like!

and time thank you but I know I am a miserable cow much of the time . Comes of being born on a Wednesday! The Evil Ex can fuck off as as far I'm concerned, he's decided to tell me now he's taking the boys away for a week next Friday, so I have suggested that as he's decided to spring that on me at the last minute he might like to try and be a little more polite with me. Seems to have done the trick!

I like the idea of looking for positive things...when I was with the Evil Ex, I spent a lot of time thinking about the sort of man I wanted, about all the good things a man could be (rather than all the shit things my Ex was) I then met the lovely Ex after, so there may be something in adopting a more positive mindset after all? :)

Didn't realise I was posting on an old thread, apologies to all but I thought it was funny.
Note to self, learn how this site works

You know one of the things I love about you Sponge? It's that when we 'advise' you, when we point out that you are being a tad negative and hard on yourself, you never get huffy, you always take it on the chin and try to change things. I love that

Good for you standing up the Evil Ex! Keep it up!

As for looking for positive things, I know exactly what I want in a man, and I know I will recognise it when I find it, but I do have a tendency to play 'spot the red flag' on the rare occasion I do meet men. I look out for them, I listen intently, I take notice, as if I'm on a mission to find one I think that is maybe what I need to change. Perhaps. I do love a positive mindset. I go to bed on a night looking forward to waking up, starting a new day, not knowing what it may bring, cos you just never know

Thanks Time. It's because I really value your opinions :) I do honestly mean that, I may not always agree but I do always appreciate when people have taken the time to write something and I try not to dismiss it out of hand (not even the mad posts on that thread I started...do you remember the ones about standing next to a random nice car? )

I really admire you for being so positive in your outlook. I wish I was more like that sometimes, when I often feel like my life lurches from one disaster to another. The only time I'm good at it is with men, when I am if anything over-positive and I can find reasonable explanations for many a potential red flag - if I like them that is, the ones I don't like only have to cough the wrong way to be dismissed!

Everyone has it in them to be positive, it's really just training your mind to look for the good things. :). I know that sounds really simplistic and I know it isn't easy, but it's taking the time (not that much time!) to stop, look at the sky, have a deep breath and believe the negative bits will pass.

Life is a roller coaster. There are ups and downs, you just need to be confident that the downs will lead to the ups (& gloss over the possibility that the ups will turn down) learn to live in the ups, remember how they feel, concentrate on those and remember everything about them when you're on a down... I always hold my thumbs when I feel magnificent, so if I feel crappy, I hold my thumbs and I know it will get better.

:)

Me and time are buds now. :).

Oh God yes, I remember it well!

Negativity makes me depressed so I choose to be positive. I have got into the habit of looking for the positive in anything bad that happens. You can always find one if you look hard enough And you can be like that too, you just have to choose to be so. You should give it a try, you might like it Do you think, as far as men are concerned, that you are trying to find that feeling again, the one you had when you had with your lovely ex? I just wonder if that is why you feel you can be positive with the men you like, to the extent of ignoring red flags, because you are so eager to be as happy as you were when you were with your lovely ex. Just wondering

Snape I love that thumbs thing, I may adopt that myself.

I do think sometimes you have to have downs to have ups, if that makes sense? I remember a conversation once with the lovely Ex when we agreed we were glad we hadn't met years and years earlier, because we almost certainly would not have appreciated what we had half as much. I know if I'd met him as a teenager, I'd have blithely thought all relationships were like that, whereas coming after all the shit with the Evil Ex, it meant so much more :)

Time you are spot on :) With bloke from last week, some of the texts he sent were very reminisicent of the Ex, hence me thinking that they might, in some tiny way, be alike. When in fact they really werent at all.

Blimey, how pathetic am I?