Chutney

[LouP19]

Where do I go? My thread has gone?!!

Bit upset by the soap opera comments, but understand it probably came out wrong. I like a quiet life. I like reading. I like staying in. I like cats. I like gardening and looking at stuff in Dunelm mill. This is NOT me at all.

I'm so, so sorry! You really must be devastated!

So he was with her at least from Feb / March, probably before that!

She has been pregnant for a while!

He really is in a mess isn't he?

It all makes sense now. If you abort. He gets to shack up with ow. Playing happy families. If you don't.....well it's going to come out isn't it. That you got pregnant, when she was 5 months along and very truly together. It's not going to be the quickie split. It's going to go through the courts.

So ow finds out, she leaves him. His only fear here Lou. Is being alone, with 2x kids to support. He does not have any interest for you at all. He is panicking you are going to blow his cushy new family apart. Be careful with him.

So sorry LouP, been where you are - just take care of yourself.

As a side note, he's obviously lying about the length of time the affair has been going on, she must have got pregnant in March :(

Yes, it does tally with when he started being distant - which was early May really, when he will have found out. Get this, he says he WANTS to be with me, but as she wouldn't abort he feels he has no choice.

He kept saying to me 'I don't understand why you haven't filed for divorce', like he's WAITING for me to do it. Which if he wants, so he can get rid of all his responsibilities like that, I'm not going to do straight away. According to him he started sleeping with her in Feb/Mar and she got pregnant straight away 'by accident'. Yeah, right. So she got him by the short and curlies. And according to him, she wants to be with him right now. Well of course she does, because at the moment she doesn't know the other half of the story.

I kept telling him 'You need to tell her I'm pregnant now'. But he won't do it until he has to.

Lying shit. We've been trying for 3 years and some stupid bitchy floozy has done it fairly instantly to hook him in.

He also said he'd been to several scans with her. This devastates me.

Oh, Lou. You must be reeling.

What a terrible shock for you (and for quite of few of us, I guess, as well). I suppose there is the question of if it is in fact true? Assuming it is, well, early December - you can do the maths as well as I can. Do I understand from what he says that he hasn't told her about you? Is he hoping you and the OW will somehow both let him off the hook by your decisions?

He seems to be making a habit of getting people pregnant and then asking them to 'get rid'. He is quite unbelievable. It's like a farce, with relationships and conversations instead of revolving doors.

Practically, it means there will be less of him (perhaps a good thing) and his money (? perhaps not so good) to share around.

Does this make you feel differently about your own pregnancy? Please don't make any decisions in haste.

I don't think I know what to say. Only that I have been thinking of you over the past week or so, and will continue to do so.

Take care.

De-lurking. Have been following your story. You must be in bits. What a twunt, you poor thing. He really has royally fucked up.

Jesus you poor girl.

He really is a cunt isn't he?

I would contact the other woman. He deserves it.

Do you think it is true? What about all the counselling rubbish?

What an absolute arse he is

I must say i'd almost be tempted to find out who OW is a pay her a little vist....

Aw lou I have no advice but I just wanted to give you a hug xxx

Lou, i'm so sorry, you must be hurting terribly. He really is an evil self centered bastard. Its his mess entirely. I think in his head he thought he could tie everything up nicely, you being pregnant has spoiled his plans/lies. Cowardly git. Doesn't sound like the relationship with OW is gonna be great as its already based on lies. Good luck to the duplicitous fucker!

Well, that explains a lot...... or it's a very cunning ruse on his part to get you to abort.

On that subject can I just say that, whilst fully in the "all women should be able to opt for a termination, as a right" camp and as someonw who was an older first time mum, I would advise you to think seriously about whether this may be your one shot at having a child given the difficulties you've experienced to date and your age.

This is what I am worried about most of all on your behalf. The other stuff will be crap to go through but there will be light at the end of the tunnel. If you later want a child and can't conceive though, that's a whole other heartache.

You could say that you simply don't believe it until you see it with your own eyes re Ms Bella Italia being with bambino.

Thinking of you lots and wishing you well.

By the way you are worth 50 of your "d"h.

Presumably he realises that if he tells you re her pregnancy, you'll tell your parents and they'll tell his so maybe he is getting his ducks in a row here.

I don't think he's telling the truth. Something is really off here. He's been going to her scans, playing happy families and all the while living with you?
He's writing lists about why you are a bad wife with a pregnant mistress in the background?

Either this is a story designed to make you abort your baby, or there is far more to this whole story than meets the eye.

Lou, I'm sorry to say that I do too feel for the OW.

She probably thinks she's in a wonderful relationship and about to have a baby with a great guy who just had a lucky escape from a terrible first marriage to an unstable mad woman. Fortunately it was a clean break so there will be no "baggage".

Lucky for him he's found someone who can really appreciate him and their new, wonderful life together as a family is just about to start.

She's also going to be devastated!

I would also be tempted to find out who she is...

So sorry to hear about this latest development, I really, really feel for you Lou.

I would be sorely tempted to demand a meeting with this other woman or at least a phone call. If you do continue with the pregnancy, you're kids will be blood relations. Not that I think it's necessarily in anyone's best interests to actually go through with this but I think twunt needs to feel a little more pressure from all sides. What an absolute shit, really can't believe it. Hugs xxx

I'm sorry Lou but imagining how manipulative,cold and clever he is are you sure he's telling the truth?. I wouldn't put it passed him to be lying about this causing you more extreme stress and messing with your head. Cruel and calculating.

Please please think of yourself, forget all thoughts of her.

Oh my god. I am so sorry, Lou.

Timeline-wise, when was he had the wobble and wanted to stop TTC? Was that related to when he started seeing her or when she fell pregnant?

The scans thing is one of the most hurtful things he could have told you, I imagine. So much time spent hoping for a baby with him and he is off doing that with her.

I have to say I would want to hurt him so much now, and the first thing I would do is tell his parents this new information.

Hugs to you.

I wonder if she knows about Mumsnet.

I can't help imagining her on another thread angsting about her DP. How he wasn't keen about the baby at first, but now he's happy about it. The only problem was he seemed to be dragging his heels about setting up home together....

Oh Lou! It'll take some time for you to digest this. Get some RL hugs.

Oh my LouP x this is like the worst nightmare coming true.

I'm not a legal eagle but surely IF OW is pg then that is undeniable grounds to divorce for adultery.

She needs to know about you and you being pg and actively trying too. I am not a supporter of ow at all but she's going to have some thinking to do too....

What an absolute mess this guy has created and if he wanted to be with you and not her then his actions certainly don't back that up. He wouldn't be the first guy to knock up a bit on the side. But I reckon he's one of a kind with his subsequent actions / texts.

Please please look after yourself LouP. You've dealt with so much and been so strong I worry it will catch up with you.

Yeah, well my Mum has left a message with his parents with the new update, although they may already know (doubt it though). This bit really really hurts, more so than if he'd run off with a younger woman who wasn't ready to have children. I just feel so so upset by this new bit of information, and the fact that he chose to be with her (or the little ficticious world they have created) rather than be with me. He indicated on the phone that 'she responds very differently to me that you', well of course she does because she's got everything she wants, hasn't she? And she doesn't know half the story. I'm sorry, I don't feel sorry for her because I suspect she's manipulated a situation to snare him, whether she thought he was married or not. He said the affair began early in the year so she still got pregnant pretty quickly.

God, I don't know if I can deal with any more of this information. I wanted a family so badly with HIM, and now he's doing it with somebody he barely knows. And I'm 36 in September and don't know if I'll get another chance. But don't want to be tied to him forever,....

You see im just a cynic, but I wouldnt go racing to his parents unless I was 101% sure the OW is pregnant.

Lou goes racing to his parents. Chutney twunt denies it (and hes been very careful to only tell her verbally despite his whole ill email you thing) and then says "see I told you Lou was unhinged, shes making up all these crazy stories, I had no choice but to leave her, I really wish things were different!"

Now maybe Im being unfair to him, maybe hes telling the truth, but I dont know. It just seems odd.

Lou, I'm so sorry and know you are reeling but... she couldn't have 'hooked him in' if he had used a condom. Or not done anything with her in the first place. Try not to misplace your anger here - all of this is his fault, his doing, his betrayal of you, his utter cuntinshness.

Please get yourself checked out for STI's :(

How can she not know about you? Where did she think he was living? Didn't she wonder why she'd never been back to 'his place'?

Bastard 'she responds very differently to me than you' he really knows how to twist that knife in just that little bit further doesn't he? Please Lou, cease all contact with him now he's put you back to square one with this news.