is this the behaviour of someone that likes women.

[itsodd]

I posted a few days ago after discovering the man I'm seeing had only had sex 5 Times ( at the age of 28) before we met. I am very surprised by this as he seems very confident in the bedroom and we quickly progressed, within a few weeks to dressing up, bondage, anal, sex toys etc. Not to be too graphic, but just to set it all in the correct context.
Ive said to him before how the first night we had sex, he played some high risk moves, that had strong potential to backfire ie: slapping my boobs, little bit of whipping with his belt, pinning me down hard. These things are fine with me, I like them, but he Didnt know that, we hadn't discussed sex at all, so it was a strange thing for him to do.
When he confessed to the only recently having been a virgin i.told him that made what he did the first night even more crazy, in fact it makes it almost incomprehensible. He told me he had been thinking about that and what had happened was a girl at his work had come onto him strongly earlier on in the day, he was cross about her wanting casual sex from him and he took it out on me In a ' take that women kind' kind of a way.
I told him that was terrible.

It's been bugging me since, It's not the kind of thing you say, and now I know our first sex wasn't about us but about some other woman!!!

are you still in contact with him, OP ?

you were, very recently

if it didn't OP, you got too hung up on the "omg he hasn't slept with many women" shtick and you missed the massive point right in front of your eyes

This is what I've been trying to say all thread. Too hung up on the fact he is a nice really, virgin guy.

Op I'm going to say it again, because I do fear for you. He DID show his true colours from the off and throughout the whole 5 months, which is why people are actually genuinely concerned for you.

bangs head

And again, this virgin thing, I Didnt know this until Last week, 5 months in. Same as the ' angry at other women. Took it out on you' thing. Had I of known that at the time I would have dumped him then. But I Didnt.
And as soon as I found out I dumped him.

And no, I'm not in contact.

I'm glad to hear it ,OP

are you cognisant of the fact that people are concerned for you, not simply trying to be arsey with you, btw ?

Op there is nothing wrong with wanting to believe he cared for you or for wanting to believe the things he said. There is nothing wrong in wanting someone there for you.

There is nothing wrong with kinky fuckery if both people want to do it then why not. Could you have discussed sex beforehand, yes. Could you have discussed what happened and limits etc after the first time, yes.

You feel you acted according to tge information you had at tge time. Yes got new info and you acted. Some peopke are just trying to show how maybe you could have noticed something a bit earlier. It's done out of wanting to help and protect you for next time, as well as from falling into a relationship with the man again. Do they always get the wording/shock value right? Of course not, they're human. But it does come from a good place.

I'm glad you made a secession you are happy with.

But a man who assumes that extreme sexual practices such as slapping and whipping are ok on the first fuck is not respectful or decent. If you had previously discussed your tastes and boundaries yhat's fine but you hadn't. He got very lucky that you were into it, me, I'd have kicked him out and depending on how hard he hit me I might be calling the police.
I'm very vanilla in my tastes but I know that in bdsm sex communication and consent is key. If a man starts slapping and pinning you down without that he's a bad egg, regardless of whether you enjoyed it or not!
That's the thing that jumps out at me, where are your boundaries?

I can understand a lot of kinks, but will never understand face slapping (not that the OP mentioned that here) or breast slapping.

Breast slapping, new one on me and I didn't think I'd led a sheltered life. Anything without permission is out of order. Clearly he just didn't care about that.

OP my first thought too was that this all happened too quickly and that it did take a while for your radar to go off. I do think that once you had the realisation, you have dealt with it swiftly. Please listen to those who know on here, you may have your radar tuned but at the very best it was a slow to kick in.

Breast-slapping, face-slapping, punching and spitting (as in, on the woman) is a depressingly regular feature of a lot of mainstream porn these days.

Really Charbon? God, thats depressing. Im not a fan of porn, but I had kind of assumed that it was about people who liked women, or at least liked fucking them, not abusing them! If anyone tried any of that stuff with me there would be a swift knee to the bollocks, followed by me phoning the police. If that makes me hopelessly 'vanilla', well so be it.

Punching? Oh my god.

charbon is right that mainstream porn features acts that demean women as a matter of course

women who are "ok" about porn need to start educating themselves about what they are being "cool" about

Well I always thought porn was demeaning, but I didnt realise that it went so far as actual violence. Not in the mainstream anyway! Makes me glad I don't have a daughter, and I will be making sure my son is well educated about real sex as opposed to this misogynistic bullshit.

I like porn, I watch mainstream porn.ive never seen any punching, maybe spitting as lube, no face or tit slapping. Ever.

Please come back on here and tell me that you have finished with this guy.

Seriously, he has problems. You might even want to tip off the police as he might be a bit more aggressive with the next female.

R.U.N.

Moral of the story, wait until you know someone before the kink begins if that's what you like. I however believe that that sort of kink is derogatory to women anyhow as any type of porn is whatsoever and the OP does need to set some new boundaries, of which I'm sure she will.

Just my opinion of course.

Once I had a rather enthusiastic slap on the bum mid the buisness. The man was a surprise as he had been one of the "quiet types". Needless to say bag and baggage was ejected, he was mortified. Kept saying he got carried away. Well carry this away son.

At the risk of TMI, the first time me and Dh tried "the backdoor", I sort of instigated it. I am older and bit more experienced than him. i have never felt closer to abusing someone sexually. It has happened once and never again. It wasn't coercion but kind of like "well, you gotta try everything once."
Vanilla is fine by me

OP, you have gone quiet

everything ok ?

OP, Glad you have ended it.

I work with someone who I wish would post for some honest advice from MN on the subject of 'Is this man a twat and is my twat-radar defective?'