please please help

[LouP19]

I have come home and my husband has moved out all of his belongings. Everything, even the garage is clear. He dropped me off after work and said he had to go and play cricket and needed some time on his own. I was distraught and said we needed to talk. Things haven't been right for a few weeks, he has denied somebody else.

All of his belongings are gone. I am shaking. No one knows where he has gone. Married 5 years, no kids. Please please help.

Hello Lou. I've been following this thread from the beginning, but didn't really have anything useful to say. But you've had a right shock, so if you need a shoulder, we're here. xx

Delurking here after your latest post. I've been following your thread but I had to post after I saw your news and wanted to add my voice of support. I know your head must be all over the place now but maybe this will be the one thing to help you find strength and joy out of all the shit.

I have a friend who thought she couldn't have children and then fell pregnant unexpectedly. She split from her DD's father when the child was a toddler and she is much better off without her waster husband. Although she regrets her crap marriage she never for a second regrets her DD. You can get through this. You have seen how your family, friends and neighbours are rallying round you, you have fantastic support. You will come out the other side smiling.

Oh christ in heaven you dear dear woman.

........

You can concentrate on your baby - without having to tip toe 'round your xh. could be for the best!

How did you find out it was a chemical pregnancy? Could THAT have been wrong? Sorry if being dumb, I know nothing about this.

Wow. You poor woman. Nothing else I can say, but wishing you strength upon strength for the coming months x

Was a chemical pregnancy diagnosed 2 weeks ago or did you just assume it was one because you were bleeding? Either way Lou I am going to congratulate you on this pregnancy. It doesn't have to change anything. You don't have to take him back just because you are pregnant. In fact I beseech you not to. If he can treat you like this when you are ttc god knows what he'd be like when you're eight months gone. Or when the baby is six weeks old and crying all night. You DON'T need him.

well, I'm gonna say congratulations!! this is good news?!

I'm not with my children's father and tbh it would have much easier to split up from him before they were born! Lots of single parents out there wouldn't dream of sending their children back and my children are as happy and as loved as the children of any couple and that goes for all the other children of single parents I've ever met/chatted to.

In fact yes congratulations on your pregnancy..

I agree chubfuddler.

Oh Lou you are really going through it. :(

I am chatting to someone on here who is in a similar situation. Emotionally abusive XP, dumped her because she was pregnant and would not get rid.

She has up days and down days, but is struggling on admirably.

You have been amazingly strong so far, your survivor instinct and calmness in the face of adversity is completely admirable and awesome.

Take time to let it all sink in, surround yourself with your caring family and don't rush your decisions. I think you know (as pretty much everyone on this thread does) that your STBXH is not going to be decent father material, but as sparkle says, turning your focus to a DC may be a positive in all this. But that is totally your decision.

Well worth seeking further advice from your GP/nurse with regard to both your physical and mental health at this stressful time.

If you're anywhere near my neck of the woods you are welcome here any time for tea and cake! :)

Agree with chub- sorry was bit short in last post but can see nothing that bringing the chutney tank loving man child into this equation that would help.

I'm another one who doesn't know about chemical pregnancy. I thought you only knew that it was 'chemical' by taking a test after ovulation but before period was due - postive test but then period arrives on time = was a chemical pregnancy. But you didn't have your period.

Sorry to be ignorant but am

Obviously you are far too distressed to explain but please could someone 'in the know' explain this for me.

I knew someone like okokok would have some good advice. And the dc can be a blessing despite its dad

Congraulations Lou, you can do this, you are a MN heroine and can do ANYTHING you want to.

I took 2 positive tests on about day 33 of my cycle. On day 35 I took one and it was negative, and I'd lost all the 'signs' I'd had early and just felt 'not pregnant'. I did some reading on the internet and self diagnosed a chemical pregnancy. I'm so used to trying and not getting pregnant that as soon as I saw the negative I was like 'well, it's negative then'. This was 2 days before he left, so it hasn't really been on my mind, other than the fact that I was waiting for my period.

I don't want a baby on my own. That's my very strong gut instinct. Parents know, told my brother and sister in law, just for extra support. The nurse has booked me an appointment with another Dr at 5.30 this afternoon to discuss my 'health' - I am on valium, ADs, and no calories.

To be honest, I've lost a baby at 8 weeks before. I just can't process any of this.

Its just going to be the practicalities isn't it, that need dealing with? The emotions of the end of the marriage will fall away. The lady has a baby!!!! But what a double edged sword!! I feel blindsided by your news, Lou; God only knows how you feel. I hope you are with your Mum and Dad. Sad thing is, father is going to have to know at some stage...

Lou, I have been following this thread and I am amazed and your strength and dignity.

You know I thought several pages up that it would be ironic to find yourself pregnant by this chutney thief and here you are. Congratulations are in order my dear, draw on this strength you are showing and enjoy your pregnancy and baby. Do not have him back even though you may be scared to death. In fact just carry on, it changes nothing. Keep your distance. In fact I wouldn't even tell him just yet. His form so far shows that he would just use this as another way to manipulate you and emotionally drain you.

Bloody hell Lou. What a shocker. Congratulations to you. Look how amazing you are - you will be the most wonderful mum! Your mum rocks,you rock & you will rock as a mum.

You must be totally shell-shocked. I don't know what advice to offer except keep talking here & with family & friends. Do what's right for you.

I hope dr helps. I wouldn't rush into telling him immediately as you don't need more drama and he is quite likely to turn it on you (ie you are making this up, desperate Lou trying to get me back etc).

Try to give yourself some time and take some advice from dr on feeling physically stronger.

Are you booked in for a scan to check on the pregnancy?

Oh lou you poor poor thing

But then a baby is what you've wanted for so long.

Not the circumstances you anticipated but a baby nonetheless you can do it xx

Also de-lurking to add support. As someone who was a single parent from the moment the line turned blue, and now the proud mother of a bloody fantastic (if I do say so myself) 7 year old, I can wholeheartedly congratulate you and assure you that this aspect is NOT the disaster it currently seems.

The disaster is playing soldiers with his model fucking tanks and obsessively counting and recounting his fucking chutney supplies.

Being a single parent from the word go hasn't always been a walk in the park practically and financially speaking but I can honestly say, hand on heart, that the rewards of being a mum to this clever, funny, amazing little person has far, FAR outweighed the negatives. Promise.

You poor thing. I'd have called that a miscarriage then tbh - you don't have to make any decisions about this baby immediately. You have time to think about whether you want to proceed with this pregnancy or not. Take your time as you are going to be in shock.