please please help

[LouP19]

I have come home and my husband has moved out all of his belongings. Everything, even the garage is clear. He dropped me off after work and said he had to go and play cricket and needed some time on his own. I was distraught and said we needed to talk. Things haven't been right for a few weeks, he has denied somebody else.

All of his belongings are gone. I am shaking. No one knows where he has gone. Married 5 years, no kids. Please please help.

I would be asking for that cash back in the divorce if I were you. He's obtained money by deception for a start.

The thieving, fraudulent asshole.

Early mid life crisis probably. Men are such wimps.

:( so sorry Lou. Hopefully someone gets in touch with him soon and you get answers. Is he on fb or anything like that? Have you tried calling any friends of his as they might have known

I'm so sorry he has done this
I agree with the others, make sure your money is protected.

What a bastard.

If he knows your pin or any bank details, change it immediately or suspend your card for the moment.

Have your mother stay the night if she can or go to hers. Keep in contact with his family. It's good that they are genuinely shocked and disgusted by his behaviour, at least he probably didn't learn his vile behaviour from them.

If he contacts you - no idea if this will happen or not - keep strong. Don't apologise for anything. Don't be aggressive if possible, just be matter of fact and try and find out what has happened.

I am so sorry you had to go through this - nobody should ever have to feel this way. I am glad you have supportive people around you though, that's a real blessing.

Just be glad there is no DC involved - otherwise you'd have sad little ones to consider :(. PM me if you ever need to talk.

I hope he contacts you soon or you at least get some answers because this must be torture for you.

What a BASTARD! I cannot believe he took your holiday money! I cannot believe he'd do this to someone who was hoping to have his kids!
Livid on your behalf. Really hope you've got someone to be with you tonight.

Oh Lou - what a shitty shitty thing for someone to do, especially your husband. I really hope you have someone to help you with the practicalities (e.g. reporting bank cards missing, opening new sole account for you etc). Whatever has gone on, you DID NOT deserve this treatment; a man worthy of the name would not behave like this to anyone, let alone the woman he promised to love and cherish. Ride the shock out, don't worry about having a good cry, shutting yourself in the bedroom etc- just do whatever you need to do to let your body deal with the shock.

Have had 2 b***ds do this to me but I have survived and even finally managed to trust someone enough to get remarried (was our 2nd aniversary yesterday) so have faith. This bit will hurt so take as much time as you need to deal with that and take really good care of yourself but don't ever give up on yourself: whatever the outcome of your current situation, you CAN be happy again in the future. Stay brave, take one step at a time and keep breathing.

Thank you. I cannot stop shaking. I never thought this would happen to me. We have separate bank accounts, the mortgage comes out of his. It's his birthday in 2 weeks, I've asked him several times what he wanted. He said he was thinking about. I cannot believe this.

I can't imagine how you are feeling, stay strong it is not your fault, it sounds to be that he has a personal issue that he is unable to talk about. Have you thought of going to his work and without causing a scene, ask him to talk to you. He owes you that at least. But remember, you may not be ready to hear what he has to say. Good luck

OP I'm so sorry.

I'm no good with wise words but just wanted to add another voice to the "what a total twat" chorus.

It's absolutely shocking, to be so calculated is just evil.

Don't demean yourself by begging him for answers (easier said than done after 5 years I appreciate) just get yourself to a solicitor first thing in the morning and file for divorce.

Get in there first, it'll at least help you feel one element of control IYSWIM.

Glad you have people there with you for now.

The tears are now finally coming. I feel so humiliated and shocked. He picked me and said he was taking me to a cricket match. And then he told me to get out the car and wouldn't take me home. He called my Dad to take me home, and left me crying my eyes out in a car park. I said are you coming home and he said 'yes'.

I've had to come back on Lou, I'm so angry for you.
What an absolute fucking cunt (don't often use this word but feel justified today)
Flowers - to trick you into believing all is ok as not to rumble his plan.
I'm sorry Lou but it sounds like there is someone else involved. Not many relatively normal people would up and leave their wife of 5 years without a sign that things hadn't been right for a long long time. 6 weeks!!! even if he was thinking about leaving you because he was unhappy/ things weren't working, surely to god it would have been over a longer time scale than 6 bloody weeks for him to decide that.
The fact he bought you flowers and told you he loved you as well as booking the day off work shows what a calculating bastard he is.
You said you don't think anyone else would put up with his shit.... I hope you soon realise that YOU don't have to neither.
I'm so glad you have your mum with you.
Stay strong, take each hour as it comes and NEVER EVER blame yourself for what he's done today.
Big hugs to you and virtual strength xxxxx

My husband did this 3 years ago, please make sure your finances are sorted, I am still paying off his debt now, I was so shocked I did nothing for six months and buried my head in the sand. He didn't have anyone else, just went AWOL for two years before I received divorce papers out of the blue- I heard nothing from him until then and his family denied all knowledge.
Take care, pm me if I can help, I have been here and it's a horrific place to be. Hang in there it does get easier and it's not your fault - its his. No one deserves this x

Having had a bit of experience of this type of thing, I really wouldn't put yourself through any more grief than is absolutely necessary. There will never be a good enough explanation for this so don't waste a single second of your life searching for one. You already know the answer anyway - he is not the man you thought you married; he is a liar and a coward and totally unworthy of the trust you gave him.

Focus all your energy on protecting yourself. Get good legal advice, get in touch with your mortgage lender and open any post that comes for him (my ex had secret credit cards and even a secret mobile phone!!!). If no post arrives, you know he's been planning this long enough to have already arranged getting post redirected...

Don't attempt to contact him yourself now until you have seen a solicitor (lots do free first appointments and there's nothing to stop you seeing more than one) and keep a diary (and take photos if possible) of any communication he makes with you.

Stay strong - remember, you're doing everything for you now and you deserve to take care of yourself. NOTHING you could have done justifies his behaviour.

Oh my goodness, what a horrible thing to happen.
And sorry, but he is no man. He held you last night, he sent you flowers yesterday, he made you pay for the holiday, then took everything and went?
What on earth is the man thinking?
Practicalilies first, you have family around you. You have some good friends? You are ok financially? I am gobsmacked tbh. Surely he will contact his parents soon if not you, to explain. You deserve that at the very least.

What did he say to your dad btw?

Ok, I've had a text. My Mum has restrained me from replying. Fucking bastard.

'I am too upset to speak at the moment, so please don't call me back yet as I will be driving anyway. I am so sorry fro all the hurt nad pain I have caused you, I truly am. I have moved in with a friend for a while as I am very hurt and confused about everything. I want to reassure you that I will continue to pay the mortgage and bills as normal. I would never every financially let you down. We need to speak but not tonight. Can I can you tomorrow? I do love you I am just feeling very hurt as I know you are. xxx'

WHAT THE FUCK?!!! FUCK HIM!!! (Sorry)

Erm why is he upset and hurt??!