please please help

[LouP19]

I have come home and my husband has moved out all of his belongings. Everything, even the garage is clear. He dropped me off after work and said he had to go and play cricket and needed some time on his own. I was distraught and said we needed to talk. Things haven't been right for a few weeks, he has denied somebody else.

All of his belongings are gone. I am shaking. No one knows where he has gone. Married 5 years, no kids. Please please help.

I changed my mobile to twunt. I hated seeing his name come up each time he text about DD and twunt takes away the personal aspect. Makes it more clinical.

I will change it when DD learns how to read. Maybe I'll have stopped hating him by then.

Sleep sweetly Lou,
You will be in my thoughts during this difficult time.

Skye and UA ~ you were both so lovely to me recently, I hope all is well with you both. Take good care of your selves, you are both such special girls.

This thread is incredible. Even allowing for the fact that it is inevitably a one-sided account, the husband's behaviour is of the "couldn't make it up" type. I'd roll my eyes and hoot with derision at the scriptwriting if I saw in any soap opera.

Sorry you are going through this, OP.

Hi Lou

Hope you managed to sleep?

Sorry Hit Submit by accident.

Finger crossed for a productive appointment with the solicitor. Hope everything is ok with the GP, and that you get something sorted re the STD testing.

Try and eat breakfast.

Horrible as it will be to have an STI test, make sure he knows about it. It's a good way of ramming home to him exactly how high you rate the morals of his 'goldengirl.' And his, of course.

Clam - good idea. Also, text him to say that based on the results of your STI screen, it has been suggested that he gets himself an STI screen too. That will make him shit his little pants!

Can always say that is just standard advice given afterwards, when he asks

Hi Lou,

I've been lurking, nothing new to add, but you are doing fab!! You will be an inspiration to many people and I can see this bring linked to in the future. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying I'll be thinking of you today and I hope things go well at the solicitors today!

(and well done to everyone for fabulous advice and amazing support)

Good luck with the solicitor Lou. We all have everything crossed for you!

Morning Lou,
Just wanted to wish you strength for the solicitors appointment today.
Stay angry, stay focussed x

Hi Lou
I read all of this thread and can honestly say I've been gobsmacked by his behaviour...words fail me.
What I can say though is that I think you are being so very brave and dignified through all this. I went through a similar situation many years ago and for what it's worth you WILL get through this and come out the other side.
I can also say I am moved by all the fantastic support you have had from the ladies (and men) on here.
Take care and good luck today....as grumpykat just said "Stay angry, stay focussed"

Lou I hope all is going well at the solicitor's. You have lots of hard things to do but you are showing such magnificent courage and insight. Just be grateful every day that you do not have children with this jerk. ( although I am so sorry for your lost pregnancy). As a father he would be inconsistent, unsupportive of you and teach your DC about conditional love.It would all be about him.
Lots of women go through huge upheavals in their 30s - I had a relationship breakup, was sacked from a job I adored and bad PND a few years later- and although it is a cliche you do come out of it stronger and with more clue about what you really want in your life. I just know that you will be in a much better place before you know it.
He is the master of the pathetic text, isn't he?

Hi Lou,

Have been following your thread in disbelief. I just want to give him a slap! What an arsehole he is. Can see a lot of my DS's dad in him, especially re the way he writes his texts. You are doing amazingly well, I don't know you but I am so proud of you. We're all behind you Lou!xx

oh I am so up for sending him a jar of chutney! I do rather like the idea of him being deluged with chutney....

Rodent was the name I put in my phone for my evil ex. ahh it did so help to get my head straight.

HOpe all's going well at the solicitor's Lou xx

No advice to add that these brilliant ladies havn't already given you, just wanted to say I got divorced from a complete twunt at your age, met a Beckham lookalike within 6 m

Sorry.... 6 months, and had my wonderful son.
I can barely remember exh now.
This won't define you.
Just wanted to add that I think you rock!! Wish you were my friend x

Hi Lou, hope you got some sleep.

When you have your appointment with solicitor, they will more than likely advise mediation. As you know, he will use this to further abuse you. What you can tell solicitor is that mediation would not be appropriate on the grounds of emotional abuse (the list!) and also a history of physical abuse (pushing is physical abuse).

The points to major on are obviously the affair, and the fact he left with clearly no intention to return (as he took documents, chutney and cutlery). To get a divorce for adultery, both he and OW have to agree to it, which is why divorces for adultery are rare. However, you can get one on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, one of the grounds being his adultery, and you can name OW if you so wish.

Hope all goes well.

Lou, I have read the whole thread and just wanted to say that you are doing fabulously well. So proud of how you've handled it all. BEST of luck at the solicitors today, I know that will be tough - but you are so much stronger than you know. You will get through this!
A deluge of chutney is too good for that pathetic little arse-weasel. I'd prefer to aim the jar at his face (the fucker).

Anyway, massive hugs - I'm sooooo un-mumsnetty!!!

Keep us posted!!!

Hey Lou

I've just read the whole thing too. It's the first time I've ever bothered to read a thread this long but I had to because, well, wow. What a colossal dick your STBXH is.

Just wanted to add my voice to all those cheering you on. You're doing everything right, so keep at it. And try and eat something, it'll help keep your brain ticking!

You're clearly a smart woman and he has underestimated you. I'm so angry on your behalf.

Hey Lou, really hope the solicitors goes well/is going well. I've just been thinking about what you said about your workplace. Apologies if this has been covered upthread, but I really hope you have secured some compassionate leave (or just used your leave) and told them frankly why? If only for this week. It would be pretty horrifying to come face to face with Chutneytwat at this point and I really wouldn't be surprised if he tried to engineer meetings. Also, I can't help feeling the more people you tell your side of the story to, the better for your work prospects, social/work circle etc. Though I imagine you'll want to move on from there in time anyway!

Afternoon Lou. Hope it's all gone well with the solicitor this morning. Thinking of you today.

Hi Lou, Hope everything goes well with the solicitor and that you feel supported. There is some really fantastic advice on here and I am sure this thread is helping a lot of people who are following it, even if their own situation doesn't measure up to the chutney ferret's exploits. He is the biggest wanker I have ever heard about, and I have heard about some prize winners in my time! Keep reading these posts and you will keep that sense of outrage and anger that will carry you through this tough bit...plenty of time to let it go once you have screwed him good and proper!

If you are afraid of being cornered at work you could possibly get a restraining order meaning he must not come within a certain distance of you and not contact you there, especially as he has form for emotional and physical abuse. Although he would have to be pretty stupid to try, because he has no idea who knows what, and may supply evidence against him, to support your unreasonable behaviour petition. If you don't have any work involvement with each other there is no reasonable pretext to be meeting.

I hope the solicitor was a great help today.