please please help

[LouP19]

I have come home and my husband has moved out all of his belongings. Everything, even the garage is clear. He dropped me off after work and said he had to go and play cricket and needed some time on his own. I was distraught and said we needed to talk. Things haven't been right for a few weeks, he has denied somebody else.

All of his belongings are gone. I am shaking. No one knows where he has gone. Married 5 years, no kids. Please please help.

HURT ????
Hurt is what your feeling. How fucking dare he feel hurt and what is he hurt about exactly????

Yeah a friend...all his stuff....He will pay the mortgage and bills not for YOU, but for his own benefit amd credit rating.

What a toss piece. I'd be tempted to text back something g along the lines of...

I think it's gone past us needing to speak. You can converse with my solicitor and make your financial promises through them.

Dictating when you get to speak, who the fuck does this guy think he is? Put the wind up him, then ignore. As hard as that will be.

That text is a fucking disgrace. How DARE he???

Is he depressed in anyway?

Definitely don't reply - you owe him NOTHING after this. (Oh and this 'friend' must have a very big house if all his stuff fits in the spare room...) This is no 'spur-of-the-moment' storming out - you might take a toothbrush in those circumstances but you certainly wouldn't have time to organise the removal of the whole of your belongings.

Am SO angry on your behalf - who does he think he is, thinking he can dictate the timing and terms of the contact he has with you in future?

This is no basis for ANY marriage in ANY circumstance. The only contact you need to have with him from now on is via a solicitor.

Be brave - I know how hard this bit is. You will come out the other side in the end. One day at a time, sweetheart.

Crikey. what on earth has he got to feel hurt about?

1. Is there anything he could possibly feel hurt about?
2. Do you think he felt under pressure about trying to conceive?
3. Is he feeling guilty about something he has yet to tell you?
4. Who is this friend?

He is an arse btw.

I'm so sorry for you that this has happened. If he just needs some space then why take all his belongings?

My H walked out after announcing that he didn't feel the same any more. He took a few belongings in a carrier bag. I made him talk to me and after hours of talking he came back. 6 weeks later he left for good.

I later discovered he was almost certainly having an emotional affair with his best mates wife.

Please PM me if you want a chat.

Stay strong, surround yourself with friends and family. Don't chase after him, wait for him to contact you. I know it's difficult.

Well he's been distant for probably a month or so. Aggressive towards me one minute and then very nice the next. I'll admit this has made me clingy and confused, but I've asked him several times if there's someone else and he has always said 'no'. He went away for 2 weeks recently with work. So I'm now putting 2 and 2 together. Clearly this is when he and 'she' decided on their game plan.

Last Friday I found out I was pregnant, on Monday I discovered it was a chemical pregnancy. He was horrible to me over the weekend, then all over my yesterday. Relief?

My heart is pounding, my adrenelin is going like mad. I am livid but heartbroken. I love him, can I still say that?!!!

If you want to find out the truth.play the long game..Make a decision about what you want.If you wantto never see him again do what ever you feel like doing as long as its legal.
However. If you feel there may be a chance you want to try and resolve your situation then play the long game.
For what its worth if you really do.think you need the truth to move on towards the healing process then I think a PI is a small price to pay.
Whatever you decide I hope you come through it a stronger person.

He is a piece of work

you have had a traumatic weekend and now this

What a cock. I'm so sorry for the trauma you've experienced in the last few days & the confusion & mixed emotions he has created within you. I think you sound absolutely lovely & deserving of none of this shit he has brought on you.

I agree with others who have said about your accounts/legal advice. Protect yourself. Very glad your mum is with you.

You sound extremely perceptive Lou and not the kind of woman to put up with this cruel behaviour. IMO the only stance you can take is cold detatchment and an expectation of one bad revelation after another. That sounds awful I know, but I hope you know how I meant it.
Sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy.

Not much to add except that this is disgusting treatment of anyone.of course you still love the man who you thought was going to be a parent with you a few days ago. Don't be harsh on yourself, keep good support around you. Bless you.what's his relationship history like, how has he behaved in the past with you and others?
Hugs

Of course you can say you love him, just dont forget that the 'him' you love is not the real him. Is really hard to come to terms with that i know. You loved the supportive, honourable person you generously believed him to be - sadly he has revealed himself to be nothing of the sort.
One day the love you feel now Will cross the boundary in to grief & that's the first step to moving on. Once you've grieved for the marriage you sadly didn't have you Will be ready for the next stage in your life.
Go easy on yourself now. There is a much better future out there for you.

There's nothing I can say that the other ladies havent. Just remember you have the loving support of your family and your health - the 2 most important things in my eyes. And try and take comfort in knowing that you will get through this in time and he will get his commupance. If he does try and call you tomorrow, listen to his explanation but don't give any advice/emotional talk just talk legal steps keep very business like and to the point once you've heard his 'story' as hard as that might be. In sure you will just want to scream at him! Sending you lots of hugs at this time and keep posting for support. Xx

Other people here best suited to help you. But sorry and hugs for you. Get RL support and hugs.

Oh my. How bloody awful for you. He is a disgrace.

I'm so sorry, you must be reeling. He sounds like a very selfish self obsessed man. Leaving you alone and calling your Dad was a cruel and hideous thing to do to you.
It sounds very planned, taking the money, clearing the house etc. he's not 'gone crazy with angst over the problems you are having', he has calmly and horribly planned his exit without a thought for anyone but himself
I know this isn't going to give you one ounce of help or satisfaction, but you have had a lucky, lucky escape
Detach yourself from this poor excuse for a man, safeguard yourself, your belongings, your money and your future
No one deserves what he has done to you
It is unforgivable

How awful, am so sorry you're going through this. Shock and trauma take a real toll so make sure you're kind to yourself.
You will come through this and be better off without this sorry excuse of a man. Stay strong.

Hi Lou
My God you will need to be strong right now!
It sounds like he has been doing the dirty on you!
I am sure you still love him, after all how can you just dismiss 5 years of marriage.
I would seek the advice of a solicitor to see where you stand financially.
Sounds like he is feeling very guilty! Ask him for the holiday money back.
A simple text.
Dear x
I am expecting the payment of x in to my account for the holiday you will not be taking.
Is there anything left of his you can sell?
As he has cleared the shed, I think you can safely assume he's not coming back.
You need to look after yourself. Does he have friends & work colleagues that you both know? Tell them what he has done in a very calm way ( email is good) get there before he does!
I am so sorry you are going through this. Men can be pigs sometimes. Keep strong your Mumsnet friends are with you all the way.

How dreadful. Can you be sure he hasn't taken out any loans that you may be liable for? I would recommend going to a solicitor as soon as possible to get a separation agreement.

TBH the text sounds like he is blaming the OP for something, like he found out she was having an affair or something. This is almost certainly him transferring his own guilt over to you.

I'm so sorry :(

Oh Dear Lou,
I am so very sorry that you are going through this dreadful pain. I know how you must feel because in recent weeks I have experienced something like this too.

Take heart, and know that you will find the courage to overcome this awful betrayal.

How cowardly and selfishly he has behaved towards you.

Take care, stay strong.

Thank you. I am now shaking so badly that my Mum is giving me a diazapam tablet she has (!) and then is taking me to the dr's first thing in the morning. Am going to ring work and tell my boss, just can't live in denial about what's happened and need to know there's no pressure to go back next week all ok.

Just putting together the last few weeks, and I suspect his change in attitude towards me (significant change in attitude was probably about 4 weeks ago) - this is probably when he decided he was going to move out. I've tried and tried to talk to him but he's has refused, and now this. He was planning it all along. So I suspect he's probably being seeing someone for a few months.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that when he came back from his work trip in Italy I found a picture, one picture, of a blonde in a pink dress and in bare feet. I confronted him and he immediately said 'That's fedora, someone we met up with in Rome' and was so blase about it that I thought there's no way he's fishy about her - or else he wouldn't have even left the picture on the camera. Jeez, I can see weeks of mounting torture recalling all the times when I'll realise he was LYING. And I sent him a text 3 weeks ago to say 'My gut is telling me there's something wrong. Please talk'. And he brushed it off and told me not to worry.

My God, OP. What an utter shit. Very sorry for you - I've no practical advice that the other posters haven't already raised; just wanted to say thinking of you.