More than smacking

[verysadmum]

For obvious reasons, I've changed my name for this one.

My child has been hit (by hit I mean more than a smack & leaving a bruise) by his Dad on more than one occasion, I know I have to do something but what?

Have you had any experience in this? Obviously anything that prevents him being hurt is the best solution but what would you do? Social services to report? Solicitor to get injuction? Something else?

URGENT!! TIA

VSM: You seem to be getting such great support on here and I don't have anything much to add.

I just wanted to say that you sound like a fantastic mum and a really strong woman. I can't imagine what you are going through but I am thinking of you.

xxx

Well, I 'spoke' to him today and well... said quite a lot (you would have been proud of me!). He said (amongst another things) again about not moving out and I said to him that him staying wasn't an option. He said again that he would deny everything and said again that he knew I wouldn't have told anyone. I called him bluff and said I had actually. He stopped what he was doing and looked up at me. He then asked whether I'd been to the doctors and I said I had.

He then said that he still wanted to try and work things out between us, I said that it was a bit late for that now, esp given the big incident was nearly 2 months ago (and he hasn't tried to make an effort). He said that it couldn't have been that long so I quoted the date, again he looked very surprised. He tried to bluff it off saying maybe it was drink related and that he might give up in the new year. I asked why if he felt it was drink related didn't he give up or at least cut back after then. He said again about the fact that he said that it was a one off. So I reminded him about the numerous times before (okay not to that degree) and went on to say about the fact that most men would apologise after, try and make up for it or at least promise it wont happen again. He did none of that.

He then asked about Christmas, he said "you're not going to take my children away from me at Christmas are you?" I said I didn't know what I would do. He then that he wouldn't let me anyway... I have no idea what I should do about this.

I then said that he could either do this the hard way way or the easy way - it was up to him. He popped upstairs at this point and I ran out the door. I could sense he was agitated and didn't want to stay around. So I'm at another friends tonight.. and the children are fine.

Thank you all so much again for your support. xx

Verysadmum

I hope you really do find the peace you desire this christmas - you and your DS really do deserve it.

The joy may have to wait till next year - it will be a difficult few weeks and months ahead, but it will be worth it in the long term!

Message withdrawn

VSM ... just wanted to add my bit ... that I think you are very brave and that you are doing the right thing ... Sending hugs to you and your children ... {{{}}}

VSM - just wanted to send you my thoughts and wish you as happy a Christmas as possible. I watched my mum endure a violent relationship (not my father) for far too long. Can honestly say that my siblings and I will never forget the joy we felt the day it ended and we moved out. You are doing the right thing.

I'm proud of you too! Hang in there.

VSM, you are so brave. We're all backing you!

Wow, you are fantastic. You have developed so much courage. Don't let him manipulate you at all. You can stop him seeing the children - he hits them! And of course he hits you. All totally unacceptable and wrong. Good for you for getting out. Your children have a fantastic mother.

Have you been to the doctor BTW? If not, I think that's a brilliant idea.

Well done for standing up for yourself VSM. I hope you can have a good Christmas despite the problems and just look forward to a better 2004. You've done the right thing.

Just wanted to add my best wishes and to let you know that you are totally doing the right thing.

Well done for taking no nonsense,its very easy to feel sorry for these men,thank god he didn't manipulate you. I hope you have the best Christmas possible,and you can look forward to a brighter future. You should be very proud of yourself, not everyone has the strength yhay you have shown. Have a peace filled new year

Well done, vsm! You have real strength. xxxxx

Wow! Thank you .

I forgot (I did post after a bit of wine!) that he still tried to defend himself saying that I had basically asked for it and led him on. I pointed out that I had my back to him and was trying to get some sleep and kept on saying "good night" how was that leading him on? and even if I was it still didn't excuse what he did, he should have done the grown up thing of taking some time out and controlling his aggression. I went on to mention about our son. I pointed out that 5 yr olds (and any age children to a certain extent) did try and wind us up but it's our job as parents/adults not to react. That there was absolutely no excuse for that. I still wish I'd done something sooner, but it's taking some time to actually take in and believing what's been going on.

It's hard to believe it's Christmas next week. All I've done is a bit of pressie shopping and given out one card.. I've always loved Christmas and I'm actually dreading it.

verysadmum, you have done the right thing - you couldnt go on like this whether it was christmas or not. I hope you have a nice christmas anyway and next year is bound to be better

He's going to say its you verysadmum, he has to rationalise in his head what he has done. If he admits it was all his fault he will feel to weak and pathetic. If he thinks he had a reason it will make him feel less guilty. Ignore anything he says from now on or he will take you down with him

IMO you've given your son the best Christmas present ever. Peace of mind and physical safety - and he need never worry about his mum again. It's an amazing gift. Why dread Christmas. It is your new start, free from fear and abuse for you and your son. Buy yourself some lovely treats and have a great time. Will you spend it with family?

Very well put Aloha

I'm dreading Christmas because whilst my parents are now around we haven't been invited over exactly. We can 'pop in' at some point though. They know about none of this and I know I can't tell them. I will tell them that we are having some problems and that's going to bad enough. My h wants to have a 'family christmas' with just us or with his parents too. Equally I don't want to spend it alone.

I echo everyione's sentiments, verysadmum, you're a brilliant mum and although this christmas may be a sad one for you, it's the first of many better ones for you & yours, x

Aloha - thank you. Actually I haven't bought his present yet either.

Don't worry about presents i've not got my children anything yet either it takes two minutes in tescos