ExP says the reason he left me is cos im fat-is this the truth?

[FattyWatty]

Ex walked out on me a few weeks ago after five years together, no kids. He left for a OW i had no idea about. After talking through why he left, he said the bottom line was that although he thought i was pretty and a nice person, he didn't want me sexually as he preferred to have sex with a slimmer woman. He thought he could get over it but he couldn't.

Now i am overweight, a size 20 but he never mentioned to me that this bothered him, when we met i was a size 16 so i haven't put on that much weight! He has always said he prefers curvy women and isn't particularly a looker himself (could lose a few pounds, bad teeth).

This has really got to me-could this really be the reason he buggered off? Or is he just trying to shift the blame?

Facts are not fat bashing. I refuse to even use the word fat, due to the negative connotations.
Yes her partner let himself go, as i said before, its the duty of BOTH partners to remain attractive.

He must have remained attractive to her or she would have mentioned it to him, going by thread responses. She didnt remain attractive to him going by his actions.
And bmi is not really a barometer, not been taken serious by many professionals.

BMI is a perfectly adequate barometer, as long as you're not very tall/short or a professional athlete.

Ahhh but dress size is Synfem?

I bow to your superior knowledge.

Yup, am always being asked what my dress size is when going to GPs.

All the time

She didn't say anything to him because she is not a vacuous, cheating, shallow twat HTH

Dress size alone - no
but op has said she is overweight herself.
Bottom line, feed her myths that its healthy, and no risk, its a damaging lie.

Symfem, you truly are relentless. Well done for derailing a thread. I'm sure OP will take note of your really helpful 'advice'

ANYWAY - having an affair is nothing to do with BMI or dress size! It's to do with one person fucking someone other than their spouse! If he was so unhappy he could have not fucked his wife & ow at the same time & ended the marriage with dignity. And then started dating when the dust had settled. And if he looks in the mirror & sees Brad Pitt, he perhaps could comment on the absence of perfection in his partner. Even Brad doesn't criticise Angelina's veiny arms or nobbly knees or huge man feet like they do in heat mag It's all a smokescreen.

Maybe SymFem is the OW!

What. People cheat for many reasons, including not finding their partner attractive. Why are their heads turned, sometimes because whats at home doesnt appeal.

Right. So it's ok to cheat, if your partner has let herself go then?

My DH shaved his head recently. I don't particular like it. I better warn him that if he keeps it up I'll have good grounds to CHEAT!!!

If he says I'm being ridiculous, I'll tell him that symfem said it was right

I hope you're not a judge in the family law courts symfem!!

Is this still going on?
FGS!

the duty of BOTH partners to remain attractive.

Assuming that they were in the first place.

But, really, duty?

Isn't it the duty of both partners to remain FAITHFUL?

Hear hear Lueji

Be faceticious all you like but how many of you would remain with someone who allowed themself to let them self go to the point you didnt find them sexually attractive.

I would probably at least mention it before I ended the relationship...

I'm saying OP's partner should have stayed with her. I'm saying OP's partner shouldn't have carried on shagging her & ow at the same time & then left her afterwards! He should have ended the marriage (having stopped shagging her if she was so unattractive to him) & then started a new relationship later. He had never complained about her appearance before he met ow!!

I'm NOT saying OP's partner should have stayed (typo)

He basically has no balls and has stayed with you for comfort or whatever until he's found someone else. He's probably gone off you generally and started to be more judgemental about things like your appearance. When you love someone things like weight and teeth quality tend to be played down due to the strength of affection. Once that goes they become things that seem important.

Life must be better without him and it's always when things seem bleak that hope returns.

I think they should change the current wedding vows. (example below)

"I, , take you, _, to be my husband/wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life... unless you let yourself go according to my arbitrary standards, but not until I have found someone else to shag."

symfem this is a genuine question. Do you have a diagnosed personality disorder?

OP if you are still around (although I'd understand it if you had left the thread in sheer bewilderment at some of the cruel posts) your partner didn't leave you because of your weight, size or shape and it's extremely unlikely based on what you've said that this had any bearing on his decision to have an affair.

He's saying these things in order to justify his own behaviour because he can't face up to it. The plus in all this is that you've now learnt that he is cruel and cowardly as well as unfaithful and that you are truly better off without someone like that in your life.

This clearly isn't why. Its because he wanted someone new to fuck. People cheat cos it makes them feel sexy, cos they like the excitement of a new sex partner/relationship. Not because their partner looks slightly different. Everyone looks different over time, we age, have kids, get ill etc. a new sex partner is exciting! No matter what your spouse looks like, after a time that new exciting feeling goes and some people want it again. Most people feel happy that it is replaced with security, deep love and intimacy. But some arnt and cheat.
He IS just trying to hurt you op, and he's a dick. Lots of other ppl will think your attractive, being big doesnt make you unattractive no matter what he or some loser mn posters say so tell him to do one.

Stern - no i dont. Next.

Going. Be careful what you say. You have essentially called the o.p unattractive.

Krum. I presume thats not aimed at me, since i never called o.p unattractive. I said some men find overweight women unattractive. A very different comment and one that not one other could disagree with or find fault in, surely.