Hi ontheparapet. Another one saying that you shouldn't have to do things you don't want to, and if your relationship isn't one where you can express that and be listened too, then yes, there are problems. As fool said, take your time with it, don't rush, read some of the links and take it all in.
tryingtoescape - so sorry you've been through that too. It's amazing isn't it, we put up with so much from our FWs, such horrible treatment, yet we stay for so long. We advise others to get out but we can't do it for ourselves. So glad you've got a plan and are starting to feel more like yourself with your new job starting soon.
Pulled - something you said in your post, that it would destroy him if you left. I think we're all decent people, and that's why we all think that at some point, we're worried about hurting or upsetting the FWs. But really, he's already on his way to destroying you, and he hasn't given you a second thought. You said you felt selfish - good!!!!! 
It's time to be a bit selfish - I know it's really hard to do, I'm only just coming to grips with putting my own needs first (even with an abusive FW NSDH). Your life, you're allowed to be a bit selfish sometimes. Not all the time, obviously - you're not your abusive FW NSDH, after all! But you need to think of yourself first and what your needs are. And you need to be treated better. If FW can't do that, then it's ok to say he can't be in your life any more.
Sunrise - I feel your confusion in your post. You seem pulled in several directions. It's so hard when you still have feelings for him. I think you're doing the right thing though - if he sorts himself out properly, then maybe there's a future there. But while he's doing it, and while he's proving he can do it, you retain a certain distance. My concern is that it will take a long time for him to get there, if he gets there - if he's been routinely lying and there's sexual abuse involved, then it's going to take time to unknot all that and rebuild his approach and beliefs about how to behave. I'd say don't commit to any path with him, he needs to sort it out regardless of you, maybe take a 'wait and see' tack. And remember that you can change your mind at any time and decide that even though he's changing, all the things he did before are too much for you to get over. It's up to you.
I'm offline for the weekend now (off to our house to spend weekend with NSDH). I am determined to be more myself, because I need to know if he can deal with me being me (and not prefer me to be all Stepford and not saying anything that might cause upset/contention). I'll be thinking of you all, especially onesix and hilde - stay safe ladies, I hope your weekend is calm, although I know it sounds doubtful in both cases. Don't hesitate to call the police if it gets in any way scary - remember that assault is just the act of putting someone in fear of being harmed, they don't actually have to lay a finger on you to assault you, if you're scared they're going to do something then that's already assault. They can be charged with threatening behaviour.