Support for those in Emotionally abusive relationships number 10

[foolonthehill]

Am I being abused?

Verbal Abuse A wonderfully non-hysterical summary. If you're unsure, read the whole page and see if you're on it.
Emotional abuse from the same site as above
Emotional abuse a more heartfelt description
Signs of Abuse & Control Useful check list
why financial abuse is domestic violenceAre you a free ride for a cocklodger, or supposed to act grateful for every penny you get for running the home?
Women's Aid: "What is Domestic Violence?" This is also, broadly, the Police definition.
20 signs you're with a controlling and/or abusive partner Exactly what it says on the tin

Books :

"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft - The eye-opener. Read this if you read nothing else.
"The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans ? He wants power OVER you and gets angry when you prove not to be the dream woman who lives only in his head.
"The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?" by Patricia Evans - Answer: Perhaps - ONLY IF he recognises HIS issues, and if you can be arsed to work through it. She gives explicit guidelines.
"Men who hate women and the women who love them" by Susan Forward. The author is a psychotherapist who realised her own marriage was abusive, so she's invested in helping you understand yourself just as much as helping you understand your abusive partner.
"The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing" by Beverley Engels - The principle is sound, if your partner isn't basically an arse, or disordered.
"Codependent No More : How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie - If you a rescuer, you're a co-dependent. It's a form of addiction! This book will help you.
But whatever you do, don't blame yourself for being Co-dependent!

Websites :

So, you're in love with a narcissist - Snarky, witty, angry, but also highly intelligent: very good for catharsis
Dr Irene's verbal abuse site - motherly advice to readers' write-ins from a caring psychotherapist; can be a pain to navigate but very validating stuff
Out of the fog - and now for the science bit! Clinical, dispassionate, and very informative website on the various forms of personality disorders and how they impact on family and intimate relationships.
Get your angries out ? You may not realise it yet, but you ARE angry. Find out in what unhealthy ways your anger is expressing itself. It has probably led you to staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Melanie Tonia Evans is a woman who turned her recovery from abuse into a business. A little bit "woo" and product placement-tastic, but does contain a lot of useful articles.
Love fraud - another site by one woman burned by an abusive marriage
You are not crazy - one woman's experience. She actually has recordings of her and her abusive partner having an argument, so you can hear what verbal abuse sounds like. A pain to navigate, but well worth it.
Baggage reclaim - Part advice column, part blog on the many forms of shitty relationships.
heart to heart a wealth of information and personal experiences drawn together in one place

If you find that he really wants to change
should I stay or should I go bonus materials this is a site containing the material for men who want to change?please don?t give him the link?print out the content for him to work through.

The Bill of Rights
bill of rights here is what you should expect as a starting point for your treatment in a relationship, as you will of course be treating others!!

nini it makes me feel like he wants constant thanks for doing things, it's not new. He does it when he's at work as well and obviously I'm not going to thank him for doing his job!

red, I've seen your thread, your DH sounds like hard work, like nothing you do will ever please him. He's definitely trying to control you, and sounds like he thinks his life (and how he feels, about always suspecting you of seeing other people) are all that matter. You said in your thread you were going to talk to him when you're back in a couple of months. Do you feel you can wait that long?

Nini, hope today goes ok for you, I know it's his appointment but it's still important as to how it goes - will he talk to you about it do you think, or be cagey about what was discussed?

trying - sorry to hear your hol was difficult, but glad (in a sense) that it's strengthened your resolve. Hold onto it, it's so easy for it to dribble away. I think your DB is right - because FW might not leave at all, that might be one of his ways to make things difficult for you once you're gone, to refuse to leave and to claim his right to remain (is the house mortgaged in joint names, or rented in both names?).

Fingers - I feel you're right, something will turn up, it'll be what you need. I'm sure of it.

I've had a weird weekend - we stayed over with NSDH on Friday night this week, since he was away at his sister's wedding on Saturday. Had a bit of an argument about it on Friday night - him demanding to know why I'm saying that my DS1 (his stepson) can't go just because I'm not going , me saying I didn't need to justify myself (because I already had but he wouldn't accept my reasons), him saying I did need to, yadda yadda. But he backed off, said I was right, I didn't need to justify myself, and we had a lovely eve. Saturday was weird because I felt so sad at not being at the wedding, although still sure I'd made the right decision. And we all went up yesterday to see him and the girls after the wedding, had a nice dinner, stayed over again. And this was the difference. Instead of the normal night we have desperately 'trying' to have a good time, we did nothing. Put the boys to bed, he stood & ironed stuff for work, I sat and did some crosswords. Then we watched TV in bed with ice-cream and fell asleep. In the morning, he told me to go back to sleep when he got up. (rather than demanding I make his breakfast since I was awake, as he sometimes did before) Was very relaxed, very normal, and very lovely. It's the normal comfortableness I crave all the time. We'd even had what would often be a difficult conversation earlier in the day, when I told him I was looking after my niece in three weeks' time so wouldn't be able to spend the Saturday with him (although would see him in the evening). Plus I wasn't allowed to bring my niece to see him because my sister hates him now. Could have turned nasty (previously would have), but he accepted it all. So everything is positive on that front - am mindful of my advice to Nini on Saturday so am being cautiously happy.

However, when one door opens... just had an upsetting conversation with my mum about her arranging my life for me, me saying I couldn't commit to the thing she wanted me to do on Sunday because I was spending the time with NSDh and trying to work on things with him was my priority at the moment. She got quite uppity, said she didn't want to talk to me about it, but it was fine, whatever. I told her that her attitude was unhelpful - that is so completely unlike me that I don't know where it came from. Cue much awkwardness for the rest of her visit, no idea if things ok with us or not. Just when I was feeling cautiously , am now again.

No I don't feel like I can wait that long but I dn't know what else I can do? I have challenged him about saying he thinks I've been unfaithful and I pressed him for an answer he said "I just think it will always come up" and I made him tell me what he meant (he means if he is drunk and pissed off he will bring it up, I just wanted him to admit it which he didn't) and he just said "ok I get the message".

I see on your thread that you've had a lovely email - maybe this is the perfect time to do something now -you could answer it, saying thank you for that lovely email, it means so much because you've been so unhappy with how things are between you, and use that to introduce the idea that you're so unhappy and thinking about reviewing your future together.

DH went to AA on Friday and said it was good, then he got pissed on saturday night! He wasn't EA but when he drinks I'm terrified he will be.
He is not usually EA when sober but drunk he can be vile and as he's an alcoholic the EA is fairly frequent.
I still have a plan to leave but it still could be up to a year to wait, I coped all weekend but I have the day off today. Although teen DD is home I am pretty much on my own and all the stress of being with him at the weekend is coming out, I'm a nervous wreck. Literally shaking and can't think properly.
It's gone on so long and got so bad I'm frightened that everything is going to be bad before it is.
My job is bad an I need to get some applications out to others but my confidence is low so it's difficult to even see the point.

onesix, I'm so sorry to hear that, you must feel that your at the end of your tether. What has he said about getting drunk on Saturday night, was it a blip in his AA plan, or something more? Is he sorry about it or is he totally uncaring at what he's putting you through? I don't know a whole lot about AA, but is that one where he has someone who he can call if he backslides?

It might be a long road for you if he's getting help, things might not get better quickly, it could take a while and there could be lots of backsliding - how will you feel about that? I ask because I want to say that even if he's getting help, there's no obligation on you to stay with him if you're still miserable. There is no need for you to continue to feel miserable, scared, on edge, watching your self-esteem plummet further - even if he's sorry, even if he's getting help and wants to change and is making some small changes, you can still say - no, I've had enough of living like this. I'm worth more than this. And you are.

Have you got some RL support for yourself? There are support groups for people who are dealing with alcoholics, like Al Anon, you might find some help and information with them, even on their website. (I know, it's a bit scary thinking about going along and talking to people! But I can almost guarantee you'd feel better for doing it.) Hope you're doing ok.

ponygirl thanks for message, yes it is good to have resolve strengthened as it can dribble away, with so much at stake (kids' happiness, safety I mean, not house or money, not that there is any right now ). The house is in my name but I don't think that makes any difference legally as we're married. I want to live in it with dcs and without fw, that's my aim. If it doesn't damage my rights over house I would gladly move out for six months/year till he gets out and then move back in.

I'm g;lad you are feeling cautiously happy, though isn't it typical that another issue raises its head when things calm down on the EA front. I think you handled your mum well, she may have just been surprised but it may have wormed its way into her thoughts in a way that'll be positive in the future perhaps? I think your attempts to make your relationship work should be her priority, though maybe her concern for you in respect of him is at root of her odd behaviour?

onesix I am really sorry to hear of your fear and sadness. I can relate a bit because my previous relationship before FW was with a drug user (I'm a good picker ) and I have to agree with ponygirl, that there are definitely going to be backslidings and however sad it is for him, it doesn't mean you should be suffering like this. On ly he can help himself, no outside influence other than professional or AA can - I know this from first hand, dreadful experience. Al Anon and support groups for families are great and no-one judges becuase they're there for same reason. You need support - I know when I was with ex, I was channeling my energy into holding him back from brink and fire fighting crises all the time for him - looking back I can see that it was pointless from the point of view of saving him and also that hey, who was saving me? He bloody well wasn't and I wish I'd got out sooner. In the end I did break with him and sadly he died sometime after from OD; fortunately I have never blamed myself, to my relief, because it would have been easy to beat myself up forever. However, it damaged me badly and I really hope you get the support you need and deserve. Hugs.

trying, so sorry to hear about your ex, that's really sad. It's awful to watch someone you love destroy themselves.

I have a bit of experience too, DS1's dad had/has a drinking problem (I also know how to pick 'em... ) and in the end it was my reason for leaving. The difference with him was he was a really good person in all other respects, we had a great relationship other than the drinking, but even then it was just too much to cope with when he obviously wasn't changing and was essentially making his desire to drink more important than his son. onesix, you're experiencing fear and EA as well as the horrible stress of having a partner with a problem, it must be overwhelming.

I second (third?) the idea of getting support for yourself. You can't help him, but you can help yourself, and it's vital that you do so that you don't go under.

Wow things have picked up since I was here last.

In answer to your question Curtis, he didn't mention how things went in his appointment (tbh I don't want to know) but the last few days he has been quite attentive. It could be connected, but also that we're going away for a week this saturday so he's generally in a good mood. He did say last night that he wanted a cuddle (in the past that usually = he wants sex), and I said no. He said he didn't want sex, just to cuddle, but I told him I didn't. I feel bad, but I don't really wany any physical contact at the moment. I have a question on this, but will post about it later.

about your talk with your mum, Curtis, but I do think you did the right thing by standing up for yourself.

I don't have much experience about partners with alcohol/drug problems, but onesix, also agreeing with the ladies that you need to get support for yourself. Trying to cope with it all alone will just make you ill.

redhand do you know why he is so insecure about your relationship? Do you think he's trying to control you by accusing you of cheating?

Glad you held firm about not wanting physical contact Nini. It's important that you stand up for only doing what you want to do.

I'm feeling a little [grrrrrr] now. Normally on a Tuesday I take the boys up to the house and NSDH has a couple of hours with them, makes them dinner (well for DS1 while I feed DS2). It always goes quickly, we have to leave when it's nearly DS2's bedtime. I agreed last week that he could come to my flat and see them there, it'll be more relaxed for him hopefully, and he'd get to spend a bit more time, put DS2 to bed, etc. He asked if we could make that another sleepover night, I said no, I felt it was too soon (and still too shakey) to be adding even more to what we're doing.

Fast forward one week, we've had a good weekend. I ask if he's coming to the flat on his way home from work, as we discussed. He says no, what he wants to happen is for us to come to the house, and stay over there. I'm starting to get that feeling that he's even asking this but I try as positively and gently as I can to say, let's focus on what we're doing for now. Apart from anything, I've only just unpacked the stuff from staying over there on Friday and Sunday night, can't face packing everything again - taking monitors, baby bottles, baby milk, baby sleeping bag & sleeping toys, plus clothes, etc. (Sounds petty, but as well as the effort of having to remember everything I have to lump all this stuff, plus the actual baby, down three flights of stairs to my car, and then carry it all back up again when we come home.)

So we've now had a back-and-forth on the text, him basically saying we should be building on things and moving forward (ie I should be staying over with him or at the very least him staying over with me). And because I've continued to say no, that's not what I want to happen, I'm being awkward: Whatever you want Ponygirl, I can't talk to you when you get this way.

I'm feeling pretty frustrated. He suggested we stay Friday night instead of Saturday because of his sister's wedding - I agreed. He suggested we stay Sunday as well because things were going well and it would be a nice end to the week. I agreed, although with mixed feelings since it was a school night, and it was a bit to-and-fro for the kids. Then he suggests this, which I'd already told him I didn't want to do, and because I haven't agreed I'm causing problems. Now don't actually want him to come at all this evening. But he'll come, and no doubt tell me that I'm being negative and holding things back between us.

It's not me is it? Surely there's nothing wrong with wanting to wait until things are more stable and consistently good between us before adding another element of spending time together? It's been one good weekend, that's all - great, but we need more good times to follow. Surely part of the effort he should be putting in is to say, ok, this isn't what I want to happen but it's obviously what ponygirl wants so I'll go with it, I want to make her happy. (Rather than constantly push-pushing for more-more-more and making me out to be deficient in some way for not jumping to it.) It's almost as if because he didn't manage to get his own way with persuading me to go to the wedding with him, he needs to assert himself now in another way, by saying 'well, that didn't happen, but instead this will happen'.

Looooooooong, sorry, ranting now....

Help me ladies I'm struggling..,

On holiday with DS, DM and DB but I'm finding it hard to cope.

Day before I left I found that NSDH had thrown a photo of me and him in the dustbin. I can't stop thinking about it. How little he must think of me...

Bertie try to think of it as confirmation that you are making the right decision. It is hard, but to be detached is to not care what he thinks of you and to know that what counts is what you think of you...

I find I still care what he has made others think of me, but not a toss about how he feels. He was an utter twunt through the whole of last year, which helped, and of course didn't help, as we were under same roof.

Struggling against med fug, and a lawnmower that works for the lawnmower mending man but not for me!

Bertie I'm sorry, I don't know your back story. Was chucking the photo away an act of aggression or just inconsiderate crapness?
Either way, if you have already decided to leave silver is right, use it as a reminder of how little you have to lose.

Here aswell for support Bertie, hugs. Silver is absolutely right.

And Silver, give that lawnmower a good kick

Curtis - stay strong, sounds like he's trying spaghetti head on you. Go with your instinct, don't let him push you into things you're not ready for. He's only telling you you're 'being difficult' because you're not agreeing with him, but I think you know that already. . NSDH does that with me sometimes, it's maddening.

ponygirl No, he isn't sorry in the least that he drank on Saturday night!
I don't think he has an AA plan as such, I'm not even sure what he thinks he will achieve by going. He has been a few times before, stopped at the shp on the way home and come in with a bottle of vodka and drink it until he passes out!
It's not so much a case of him backsliding, I think he is using it at a kind of confessional by which I mean he goes, absolves himself of his sin so he can keep on doing it.
In AA as I understand it you can have a mentor but I think you have to engage with the group and say you actually need one whereas I think he just turns up and goes again.
My RL support is limited for lots of different reasons, I almost don't know what to say to people about it.

My back story is:
We've known each other forever so most of ou friends are mutual friends.
He's sort of shy, outwardly he seems good with people but only on a superficial level. In fact he is excruciatingly self conscious.
He can talk about anything on a superficial level but decades of drinking through his emotions have left him utterly unable to talk about even the most fundamental things.
As a result, if I have ever tried to initiate a 'feelings' conversation he turns to drink and if he needs to talk about feelings he has to be drunk. About a fifth of the time when he gets drunk he is very EA, downright nasty but is mostly ok when sober.
We have had some rocky times lately, some big life disasters have hit us and a month ago he blew up and for the first time ever he flew at me physically.
I spoke to Refuge, then to our local housing dept. I'm on the list to be rehoused but it will be about a year so I'm stuck here (with DD) waiting.
I was very clear that his behaviour had been unacceptable, hence the recent trips to AA.
He knows he needs help but I don't really think he is ready for the commitment that will entail. He says he desperately doesn't want to lose me. I've told him I'm thinking of leaving and that for there to be any chance of us being together he needs to clean up his act, seek help for his alcohol addiction and we need couples counselling. He's stalling on the counselling I think because he knows a counsellor will tell him what a shit he's being!

Hi all,

A friend of ours sent me a cartoon from the New Yorker a few weeks ago when it was my birthday. It has a couple sitting together in a restaurant, all romantic, and the man is leaning forward and saying: "You make me want to be a better person than you."

Ohh, I get that!! Wonder if she knew how appropriate that is?! NSDH chuckled, with no recognition.

School started today. He needs to get back to work as he's taken a lot of time off since our wobble at the beginning of the summer. I'm getting quite stressed by his presence now, want him to get back to work. Wish I'd never said anything about leaving, just want to forget it. His EA is so subtle, so well-aimed (although unconscious for the most part, I feel), that he never makes things bad enough that I really feel I have to leave. Just bad enough to make me question myself, or just feel tense if he's around.

Anyway, as he works and I don't, he thinks it is perfectly reasonable to leave everything in the house and to do with the children to me, except for the laundry, which he does (although he asks me if I "want" to help with that, too, sometimes). Just feels way too much for me to cope with. But I really can't be bothered with asking him to help more, or battling to get more support. Is it my duty to monitor his behaviour? I'd rather just let him ignore us - but does that make me complicit in his bad behaviour?

Sorry for delay everyone....signal very poor where I am...

I know that I should ignore the things he does (photo in dustbin etc). He does them to get a reaction.

He had the photo on his desk at work so deliberately brought it home to put it in our dustbin rather than put it in wheelybin at work. He also filled the kitchen bin to overflowing and left it so that I would empty it and take it to dustbin (and see photo).

Before I came on holiday we also talked about him moving out. He's still looking for somewhere suitable. Making a big deal about it. He also says that he won't be able to afford to give me any money towards mortgage while house is being sold. I suggested I pay everything and then get it back from profit when house is sold. However he doesn't see why he should have to contribute towards house when he won't be living here and I'm forcing him to leave. He earns a lot more than me and yet is making such a fuss about money. He has made no mention of paying any child support either. I can foresee a difficult time agreeing a financial settlement....

I'm on holiday at Centre Parcs. I had been saying for years that we should come here. I thought NSDH would like it. He was always reluctant to do the things wanted to do.

The thing is I was right...he would love it.

hey all... one night missed online and so much has happened... Don't have time to say much at the moment as I'm about to get ready for the school run and DS2 will be waking and shouting any minute, but just wanted to say that I'm thinking about you all that are having a hard time (errrrr, probably all of you then!) and I'll try and get back on later tonight after I've got work out of the way and be a bit more helpful.

I've also got my own spaghetti-headedness going on, as Nini rightly said - apparently it doesn't matter whether I've had a drink or not, as even when stone cold sober I feel like I'm being mentally mugged, and I can't keep a handle on the conversation, can't remember what I said two minutes ago and end up looking (and acting) like a raving loon. It's like standing on shifting sands and my focus is not falling over, but whilst I'm concentrating on that he pulls the rug I'm standing on away anyway and down I go. Sigh.

Anyway, there goes the baby siren [waaaaaaaaaaaaah]. Stay strong everyone.

Feel like so many of us need support right now. .

wellies, not sure what the answer to your question is, I react the same way that you have. I've tried to justify it to myself this way - if I can prove to myself that I can do it all, as if I were a single mum, it proves to me that I would cope on my own. The other side to this is that NSDH has noticed it and now feels sidelined, like I don't need him, and he doesn't like it. (He said this at our counselling session). Not sure if that's advice as such but that's how I see it.

Bertie r.e. the finances, think you'll just have to think the worst and prepare yourself for a battle. I know that doesn't help much . As for the photo, think you'll have to put on a brave face and make it seem like it doesn't bother you, it sounds like he'll get some weird satisfaction knowing he's hurt you otherwise.

hilde, so sorry your holiday was not what you planned. Where are you at with plans for escape etc? Lundy always talks about the cycle in that the few 'good' things make you stay despite the 'bad', so try not to be fooled. Your poor little ones deserve so much better from their dad .

Hugs to you aswell Curtis.

On my end, NSDH has the hump with me tonight. He's slipping back into old ways he was in mostly last year before I'd had enough and become distant - this is a bad sign, its telling me he thinks just going to counselling is good enough, or worse still that the Relate lady is backing him. It was over something minor - he's started having porridge for brekkie again but has started leaving the saucepan dirty when he goes to work -not a massive deal but we only own 2 saucepans and as DD has 2 bottles a day, I have to clean up his dirty saucepan before I can use it. It's just an extra job I don't need - he has time in the morning, he doesn't even feed the cat! Just gets himself ready and leaves. So it's not much to ask - just an example of how he only thinks about himself.

He also woke me up this morning to tell me we'd had a power cut (as had the whole street) so he was grumpy that he couldn't have a cuppa. What I was sposed to do about it is anybodys guess .

Anyway, long post. Stay strong all.

Hi,

Can I join please. I am currently with my nsdh, though I trying to work up the resolve to leave. I have come to this conclusion and I honestly think we would both be happier in the long run, and I was asked what would my reaction be if nsdh told me he was having and affair, and honestly it would be relief. I grew up in an abusive household, and I don't want that for our DD.

My nsdh is a good dad to her, he dotes on her, if a bit over protective. However he is not what I want in a H. He questions me over every spend that comes out of the account, we constantly fight and argues. He insists I've done something/not some something, when I know I have/haven't. He does not help around the house, even though I am a full-time student, work and also look after our DD and house.He won't even change nappies. I never have my own space, if I want to do something that's not with him, like reading, watching tv etc, then he gets all put out, pesters me, and we end up doing something together. He has no friends as he doesn't like going out, and would rather play on the computer with me.

He can also be quite... nasty? He constantly moans about my family, and everything has to be done his way. He makes sniddy little remarks the whole time, and can't just let me get on, for example if I go upstairs in the morning he'll want to know why, what for etc. Instead of doing something he'll make a remark on how I haven't done it.

Another example happened at the weekend. We went out with my family for a meal and me and my mum were talking about me wanting to loose weight, and my mum mentioned that she was sure I could do it, as last time I managed to loose several stone threw hard work. What my mum doesn't know that it was actually due to an eating disorder, which I over came when I got pregnant. Anyway my nsdh goes 'well that was cause she was sticking to fingers down her throat after eating... very hard work'... Everyone kinda laughed nervously...

I just don't want to live like this anymore. I have started to detach myself, but he knows something is up, so we've had the big talk that we always have, abd he's 'trying to be better', but I just feel like he reels me back in and then when I get back to breaking point, he reels me back in, in a continuous cycle.

Thanks for reading

Hi Pulled, sorry you're in your situation. What you're describing sounds like other stories I've read here (mine included). Have you read any of the links in the first post? They really helped me when I first realised I was in an EA relationship (and I'm also still with my NSDH so you're not alone there). The Lundy Bancroft book is highly recommended here.

Have you been thinking about making any plans to get out our your relationship? Is that a realistic goal?

Hello all, thought I should check in. Thank you for a bit of tough love Lemon. I feel like I'm inching closer. Just an update....

1. The bank of anastasia, like the other banks has reached crisis point and has ceased to trade. He is not taking this well and is freezing me out now. I am told I have 'broken the intimacy'...I explained that actually, I was feeling like I was paying for sex and that had kind of broken the intimacy for me.
2. I received a little PPI payout. Coming into a few pennies has made me tighter, not generous. I'm using this as an opportunity to repair some of the damage I've done (credit card....) and importantly
3. I have done something for me...my sister and I are off to Rome. I couldnt let the rest sit in my account. I cant be trusted with money so it needs to not be there. He has gone apeshit that I have deigned to book something without him and that I am doing something nice for myself. He wasn't pleased, then he calmed down the set about unsubtley talking about how women who do stuff with their friends deserve to be cheated on.
4. I contacted a local domestic abuse organisation. My friend has been urging me to do this for months. I have resisted because I didn't think I fitted the 'stereotype' and as I don't live with him or have children with him, it should be easy. But it's not. So I spoke to a lovely lady on a helpline, explained the situation and to be honest, have an organisation 'diagnose' abuse has really helped. I'm booked to attend a group session, put on the waiting list for specific counselling and have a number to ring to book on a course.

I'm sure I'm going to have weak moments, maybe sleep with him again, give him a tenner here (I really hope not), and it's hard now I'm being ignored. It's not even deep down I know I deserve better, it's bubbling on surface. If he loved me and was a good person, he wouldn't take advantage of me and pressure me. It still doesn't feel great when I'm ignored...but I generally feel much better about myself right now. I'm enjoying a cup of tea and Grazia, and it's better than sitting next to him play video games until I'm summonsed for sex.

Off to catch up on your posts now.