Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

NOTFOR,you were one i had in mind:o :o Has your WIQ responded yet?

NOTFOR,get your butt back to the thread:o I need to know what your WIQ said:o
AMIBI, yes WIQ means 'women in question'! I cant believe a women came up to you and did that. Where is this pub? :o Was it a gay bar? Was your husband with you? I will stop the questions now,i am just jealous!
Im sure LIKEA will be a long soon to give you advice, she seems to be the more intelligent one in terms of dissecting and understanding feelings and giving constructive advice:o

So how do you intend on meeting this lady if you don't mind me asking? How far is your husband comfortable with it? If for arguments sake,the unthinkable was to happen and you did develop feelings for you lady, would that be the end of that,or would he be ok for you to continue developing something? Would you want to?

outmy I don't think NotFor's wiqreplied yet, she would mention I'm sure if that was the case!
Yes, I'm impressed with all these crowds of women that give you looks, amibi! is that in gay bars or something?
Well I would give advice if there was a question or a situation with particular woman, but I think amibi hasn't got any questions yet, it's just how doies she get started on this - I ve no idea, as I ve been only interested in one woman and i wasn't looking for it. I also find it dodgy tbh with Hs involved as I think it's inevitable that one of hte women will get emotionally involved, so the advice is be careful but that's obvious. I read your thread too, amibi. You rteally are in same situation as NotFor and also HappyTit who already found her woman and she is also married or similar and dp is not against this but having wobbles. Surprised how many married women are suddenly on this htread! (I'm not, neither outmy - and we seem to be less lucky than the married women with out wiqs being very complicated)

I remember from amibi's htread that she wants it as purely sexual thing but she never tried so who knows what would happen!

on the subject of my wiq, I must think of what to say if she does raise the subject of my texts, as if I'm not prepared I just get tongue-tied or embarassed and then beat myself up. If she does say, 'I haven't thought you were bi so I'm sorry for using that term' to me, I think I will tell her that I haven't thought i was but recently it crossed my mind - hope that's enough for her to think over. Though pretty sure she won't be asking as she is an ostirch with her head in the sand.

I dont think she will ask either im afraid as that would mean a slight crack appearing in her wall and she's put an awful lot of effort in maintaining that wall:) But if she does,then i think that response is fine

Outmy - no didnt see her today, we both work quite flexible hrs. Normally i'd be going in tomorrow but thinking i might find an excuse to work from home...

From that u can probably guess i've had nothing but silence on the email front. Maybe shes hoping if she puts her head in the sand long enough it'll all magically disappear.( a bit like your wiq, likea! )

That came out a bit wrong - i meant to say they're both ostriches, not that your wiq would disappear!

I understood , that's just a sign she's not going to give you a straight answer and is thinking how to play it - tiresome! My wiq is completely different in this, she wouldn't leave anyone dangling, she did to be fair take about 10 min to answer that text when the others before that was instant, but she knows what she wants/doesn't want to happen so does give a answer according to that quickly. Your wiq doesn't know what she really wants or how to be nice yet to refuse, yet for you to keep showing attention, she likes her games!

I mean once they put her on the spot, she was dangling me in a subtle way for long but purely as I never initiated the talk and it was safe to fantasise a little, that's how i see it. But she always say 'I don' like messing people about'[ on varioussubjects, so when pushed she'd rather give an answer even if it's avoiding the truth, but still a decision.

says

Morning all!

Just a quick one, before I drop off DD

No, these aren't gay bars. I haven't been to a gay bay for 10 years, so when I was 18. That woman who came up to me on sat was just at my local(ish) pub and i've never seen her before. Other looks i've had have been in all sorts of random places. Cinema, restaurant.........seriously, they're have been quite a few and it's sooooo strange. I find the whole invisible vibe thing facinating. Yes, I've always had these sort of feelings, but now that it's looking like I could act on them, likeminded women are obviously picking up on it. Like I said before, i'd say about 50% of them have been with boyfriends though, so maybe they're in the same situation as me. Interested, but not necessarily exclusively and are a bit unsure as to what to do next.

Oh and yes dp was with me, but at the time this woman came over(putting her hand round the back of my neck btw!!) dp had gone to the bar to get more drinks. She obviously saw her moment Shame neither of us plucked up the courage to ask swap numbers

Hi AMIBI, have PM'd you back :) If she waited for your partner to go then i think even more so,she fancied you. Was obviously waiting for her chance! Im wondering now if im missing out on these vibes:o I often catch other women looking at me as well,one women up the school an awful lot a while ago! I just get paranoid and think my hair must look a mess:o I really am useless at this:o
Good luck if you see her today NOTFOR.
LIKEA,when you seeing your WIQ next then? Am curious if she might even make a tiny mention with regards to your text:)

outmy, yes, I took waiting til dp went to the bar as a sign. After that I kept looking around for her and when we caught each others eye she smiled in a knowing, almost amused way. Kind of like, yeah I know what you're thinking. It was frustrating because she didn't know that actually dp was cool with it. Having said that, I wouldn't have been comfortable with it if she'd come over with dp there. We've agreed that this would be separate and it wouldn't include dp. Although he doesn't see it as cheating, if he was there, it would almost feel sleezy, which is really not how I want it to be.

wow - amibi, that sounds pretty steamy . she must have sensed something about you to be that confident about touching you etc...

Do you feel you're doing anything differently recently that might be drawing in like-minded women? After I got the go-ahead from my dh, I was feeling quite confident about the whole thing, and that's when I cottoned on to cw's come-ons.

i'm not so confident around WIQ most of the time, (and it'll be even worse now i've confessed via email, I'm sure!), I mean i smile and look at her in the wistful way she often looks at me, but i'm always blushing and feeling nervous.

Then there are other times where she's not around and i'm feeling good about myself and comfortable with being Bi, and feeling that there's nothing embarassing or shameful about the way I am, and i'm sure those are the times when i start to feel vibes with other women, at work or the shops or whenever.

Amibi - sorry forgot to answer your questions from before - dh is ok about the feelings side of things. he understands. We've known each other since we were teenagers, so he's always pretty much known i was bi, although i only confirmed it properly when i 'woke up' to liking WIQ.

I know what you mean about thinking it would be complicated with a woman at the school gates... i've always been aware of other mother's attractiveness, but usually in a way that felt slightly competitive...

The jury's out on whether WIQ is Bi. She's unlikely to be gay as has a male dp. Basically, a lot of this thread has been spent with other posters trying to help me fathom her body language/ comments/ actions towards me over the past few months, and we still haven't come to any firm conclusions. Most agree she enjoys being a tease, at least, where i'm concerned, but it seems unlikely she'd pursue anything under the circumstances.

The fact that she still hasn't replied to my email feels like a very bad sign, at any rate. Still, in a way, that in itself is helping to work out where it leaves me. The panic I had after I first sent it has been replaced by something much calmer, and more ready to accept that it ain't gonna happen.

NotFor, No I really don't think I'm acting differently, but i'm feeling more confident in general, so maybe i'm giving something off that I wasn't before. I know with this particular woman, I wasn't giving her suggestive looks or anything, but what I do remember is being automatically drawn to her when she walked in and I had no idea why. She isn't a woman i'd look at normally and think wow, she's hot! I just clocked her and she obviously clocked me. When she came over, I kind of knew that she wasn't just going to ask me for the time. I didn't even notice her looking at me before she came over, so how did I know? It was only after she'd came over, that I noticed her looking at me.

that's interesting - it does seem to be bound up with a specific kind of confidence, doesn't it? I know just what you mean about feeling drawn to the person, even though she's not someone who would obviously stand out as being especially hot. With WIQ there was more of a formal getting-to-know you process, as you have when you work with someone, so i suppose it crept up on me gradually that there was something else there besides your average co-workerly friendliness... it's quite a teasing, exciting feeling, i find. hard to describe in words.

with cw, i'd always noticed her looking at me, and like you say, assumed she was smiling and looking for other reasons. i always thought she was pretty, but it seemed to take an acknowledgement of what i was feeling for WIQ to make me wake up to the fact that this other woman was giving me serious 'fuck-me' looks at the most innappropriate moments! It's weird how the two seemed to co-incide, although they're in parts of my life which are fairly separate.

Hello ladies, just checking in.....

Notfor - wow. well done on sending the email. I don't remember how long you have had feelings for WIQ but brave move to have it out in the open. Life is too short to live with "what-ifs". I shall be on tenter hooks for you as you wait for the reply. And if one doesn't come.....well you have your answer away.

Hello to amibi. I posted on your original thread so perhaps you will remember my situation; similar to you, and Notfor, in that my DH is cool with my bi-sexuality. Whilst I appreciate the newness of your feelings towards women, you will also need to get your head around being polyamorous. For me my desire to be with WIQ can be quite overwhelming, our relationship has new energy but at the same time, my relationship with DH is deepening and there is revitalised energy between us.

Hello to outmy and likea.

Likea - yes now is the time to have this out in the open! Those texts need to be talked about and you need to move on - not without WIQ's friendship but just with clarity in your relationship.

All good with me and mine. GF and I have enjoyed more snatched time together, getting intimate and getting an easier time of her DH. Looks like the weekend away (albeit with our DCs) could be planned for late Oct !

easier time from her DH

Hiya happytit, good to see you. Glad the dirty(ish) weekend is back on the table... it'll be interesting for you both to experience being together without the usual external pressures (apart from the dcs of course!). sometimes I really wonder how my own dcs will fit into my new bisexual life. Not that they'd be aware of that side of things, but you know, there are bound to be differences...

Not a peep from wiq still. Like you say, the longer the silence goes on the more sure i am of the answer anyway. That's probably what she's counting on, not actually having to say anything. she's spent all this time toying with me, and now she can't even dignify my email with even a terse response.

Reminds me of a line from either American Dad or Family Guy where they're discussing something and the all american housewife mom-type goes 'yeah, women are such teases; that's why i switched back to men!'

haha, NotFor, my wiq HAS dignified me with a terse response (and it was terse rather than friendly) even though you question to yours was much more blunt. And yes, as i said, it brings relief. I wouldn't be surprised as she went down the route 'what email? I haven't received anything', knowing that she plays games usually. Or she discussed with her P and is acting on his advice.
outmy I'll see wiq briefly this w/end and then i'm away for a week. If she says anything i will relate it as will have internet access while away. Don't think she will, not this time at any rate as it's a brief time together.
Happy, I do know already she doesn't want to respond to my interst, she even doesn't want to acknowledge that she noticed my interest, so it's now sadly just friendship. Unless by some magic she will warm up to the idea later (I won't be sitting and waiting, but I'd most likely be free for a while).

*your question