Turning Tavern IV - Down Bi the riverside, near the well of loneliness...

[NotForProfit]

Hi all,

thought i'd be proactive and start a new thread for the wenches of the turning tavern as the old thread's pretty much full...

for anyone new to this, it's a thread for women suddenly finding themselves attracted to another woman, so grab a glass of something intoxicating, pull up a chair by the fireside and we'll try to help one another deal with the elation, confusion and heartache of rediscovering your sexuality.

HappyTit, yes I do mean that she may fall in love - but that's not what I think, it'swhat may be causing her H's wobbles! if he thnks she can't share as she gets very intense or attached once she bicemes sexual (maybe he observed this in their r-ship) then of course he is worried regardless of her assurances. Tbf there aer no guarantess in this life especially with something that's new territory! uless ofcourse she had a gf before andit all was tried and tested. The more people aer involved, the mprerisk htat ONE of them if not more will not feel as planned whenb it comes to it. I'm just explaining his wobbles, hopefully he can take the plunge and it does go smoothly in he end.

well, I 've texted my wiq with the question about her 'tea' remarks, just calmly asked that i wasn't sure how to read them and are they a hint or question, and if they were that, then really fine with me, but I that i want to know what she meant. The answer is 'absolutely not' a hint or a question but justa common expression meaning 'alternative' - well at least she didn't say 'not proper' this time . I'm stragely relieved actually even though it's not great. I think, outmy you aer right that she decided to repress the feelingsand put up a wall - actually similar to your wiq who did all sorts of signals but ten denied all! I 'm not saying my wiq has strong feeling at all, but she she feels SOMETHING, I can bet on it as I've always been comnsidered as perceptive by people and for me to be that much off htemark is unheard of, especially as I'm experienced sexually with men andreally there isn't a world of difference how the signnals of attraction come across. She obv decided to either ignore the feelings as they aer mild enough in her case, or decided that whatever she feels she'll never act on it so better be ostrich with her head in the sand. Well, fair enough. I'm glad that I found out with minimal humiliation to myself )what would i fel like if sent her that love note! something stopped me so at least my gut instinct is working to some extent!), I haven't told her that I'm bi curious so if she doen't want to know, she's none the wiser wherhter i am or not, but if this will make wonder whjether i actually wanted a 'yes' answer, let her wonder! see if she ever raises this, but i doubt it if she doesn't want to acknowledge anything from her side. At least I'm glad i've given it a chance in case she WAS hinting, and of course if she was she would reply in a different way. If she never had an experience with a woman, I understand that at her age it may be just too much. Will have to settle for platonic love then, and now at least i can move on when I'm ready, even though it's sad.

what i meant by a hint, was a hint that I may be gay/bi (not whether she is interested), just to clarify how I put it to her.

Likea - In all honesty I don't always have anything much that's new to offer in the speculation department, and don't think you'd appreciate my lazy guesswork on the matter, so thought it best not to fob you off, and just offer a point of comparison instead.

i've bitten the bullet and sent WIQ an email which sums up the situation as the 'elephant' in the room. and then another email apologising for the last email being inappropriate etc. Oh well, i've finally put it out there, and she can do with it what she will. I hope i'll start to feel better about it soon. surely the worst is over? a colleague mentioned having seen pics of us 'getting cosy' together on fb from 'that night' and it made me panic a bit, so i thought i may as well use it as a catalyst to deal with things head on.

LIKEA, Sorry ,im a bit confused? So you dont think that she had any idea about how you feel? Isn't that what you were frustrated about? That your hint/vibes might not have been registering with her?
If this has brought relief for you then thats good though,and yes,if you are now 100% convinced that nothing is going to happen between you:( then it is better for her to just be in a state of ignorance with regards to your feelings as at least now you dont have to feel awkward around her when you see her. I still fail to see how she could have not known though!! Especially after those texts. Are you sure she is as sharp as you think:o (only kidding) It just doesn't make sense. I think she's repressive personally, she is just to determined with that wall thing she's got going there, and has just decided to play ignorant, but at least it saves on the awkwardness i guess.

Good luck for tomorrow then NOTFOR if you see WIQ. Should be interesting to see what she says :o Best to get it out in the open. You seem very impulsive though,as in you just have to know regardless. Bit like i was. God help you:o

outmy, now all your posts are gone the thread is half full and doesn't make much sense (especially my posts as tey were mostly dialogues with you) !
to clarify, the frustrating bit was that IF she was hinting and wanting a reaction by her cautious signals, I would feel very bad about not responding to them as if she was giving me a come on and i wasn't picking up on it. Obviously I thought 'tea' comments could have been come-ons, as well as the lingering looks at my figure etc. My worry was that she thought it was appropriate for me to initiate things as I'm much younger and she nay feel unconfident. Obv tea comment was NOT a come on because when i raised this, she just denied all knowledge if you like. I can live with that, that she decided she's not interested in acting on any mild attractions she may have for me - I respect her choice, or indeed there is a vert small chance that I misread the degree of interest, i.e. it may be just feeding off my vibes and being flattered but not interested, though playing along a bit. But not that I raised it she's chosen to absulotely deny it. I knew this could be the case but I needed confirmation as mind was exploding as to 'am I doing enough?'. 'am i not responding to her come-ons?'. Now I'm relieved that no, it's not the case, that she just doesn't want to act on anything or acknowledge any feeling, dormant or not in her case. It's very sad obv, but I've been preparing myself so not a shock, Lately I just had enough of not knowing, now I do know and that's a relief. If she doesn't know what i feel because she genuinely doesn't 'get' the lesbian stuff and has a mental wall to it, then fine, no need to tell her if she doesn't want to hear. I'm relieved because a)i can try to move on now, b) it may actually make think about it and if there is any change in attitude she can approach me following these texts. I will now stay friendly and accept it, hope that I can.

NotFor, it's fine, but then we are all speculating, it's the same with your questions, but we try to offer opinions, just to help the thinking process of a person who asks. I definitely don't expect replies to rambling long posts or posts referring to old events. But if there is a neat question, in this case involving attitudes to bi women to 'lesbian tea' term (whether it's offensive, and whether you'd use it as a come-on) I thought it was easy to have an opinion. Anyway, I have my answer already from her, so the q is a bit redundant now.

*attitudes OF

NotFor, good that you emailed. Seems to be a week of action and courage for all, ha! I wonder whether she'll reply directly or just takes her usual evasive route and pretend she was 'friendly'. It's a theme on here too that wiqs prefer to live in denial! not that they don't have their reasons, I understand.

Likea -At least you know that she didn't mean anything by it. probably just a quirk of her vocabulary. I know someone who's always referring to stuff as 'gay', but i know it's just down to being a bit younger than me, and that being an accepted way of speaking.

I haven't had a reply, so you're probably right on the evasive front. My worst fear is that she'll make it a disciplinary issue, but i didn't write anything lewd or suggestive, just tried to sum up what i felt i was grappling with, and was she aware of the 'elephant' too?. probably sounded odd.

It would be absolutely mad of anyone to make it a disciolinary issue! She knows full well she was encouraging - even if she didn't mean to give you ideas she knows you could well interpret it all like that. No, she is just thinking how to reply without putting herself on the line - she may well confess she was pregnant or refer to being commited to r-ship and not interested in anyone, men or women, and sorry she mislead you if that's how you saw it.
Yes, of course I was hoping (a bity against hope) that my wiq would go a bit quiet after this text and then reply in some positive way (i told her in text that it would be absuloutely fine if it was a hint, but I'd like to know) - so she wasn't thinking she was being offensive at all, the whole pint was to see if she WAS hinting and waiting for some response. Well i responded to that and was hoping she will take it from there (like at least say. 'I may have wondered' or she could have suggested to talk about it when we meet next time). I'm noit shocjedthough that she confirmed she didn't want to act on any attractions she may or may not have. Of course it's disappointing but at least I'm not wondering whether I haven't taken the hint. She doesn't evenb thing it's a quirk, said it was a usual expression no apologies, not even 'if you are then sorry fopr using it', just decided not to discuss the subject at all. All it means she is not interested, so I will leave it and try to be friendly now. I still think she does feel attarcted on and off and it does come out in body laguage but if she won't admit it then i can't do anything.

*a bit against hope
*not shocked though

I've ruined the thread Not sure if i should keep a low profile for a few days as MN HEADQUARTERS are, i am in no doubt, a little bemused by me today.
Could you guys please not mention in detail stuff about my WIQ situation please in terms of vibes from her,conversations we may have had. Thank you LIKEA, on the funny side, your posts look quite odd now:o
NOTFOR, im really impatient for news!! Has she responded yet? Bet she takes the cowards way out and pleads ignorance:o Becoming quite a common theme on this thread Unless she is completely nuts,she will not make it a disciplinary issue as that will just open a whole can of worms for her as well.
LIKEA, if by some VERY small chance your WIQ hadn't cottoned on before that your BI and 'like' her then I bet the penny is starting to drop now:o You have basically admitted as much now in your text. Wonder if she's starting to see a different meaning to those texts you sent!!
Agree though that it doesn't look as though anything will happen,best to put energies in trying to move on now sadly

don't worry about MN outmy, they have many people to deal with, and it was all done yesterday, just post as normal but make sure that you won't ask for new posts to be deleted .
Well exactly, I don't mind at all that the penny drops, if that's the case, though if she really wants to know now she'd have to bring it up as i was a little enigmatic - it would be easy though for her to bring up folowing texts. I definitely said enough for her to wonder if she already hasn't wondered (but i still think she already did). As i say it's good that 'tea' thing came up as it gave me the least painful way to find out whether she wants any progress with us (no she doesn;t) and also if I was mistaken, this would make her think without being embarassing for me as it wasn't stated in black and white by me - thank God I haven't send the note!

btw if she really hasn't cottoned on ( which wd meanb she is completely closed off to the gay theme) I'm not sure she did when i sent the text as she responded 'absolutely not!' as if I didn't want her to think that, but on reflection she must have thought, what if I wanted a positive answer. Anyway this is unlikely, I think it's really the case that she did notice my vibes but doesn't want to encourage at all so plays 'innocent'.

Hi all!

I'm a very late joiner i'm afraid. I've been pointed in this direction for some advice on my recent feelings.

In short, i'm 28, have always found certain women attractive, but recently, my feelings towards some women is becoming more and more intense. It's never developed into deep feelings or anything, just purely sexual. Dp has given me the green light to experiment with my feelings and whereas, i've already spoken to a few like minded mumsnetters about this, it would be great to speak to more of you who can relate.

I can't tell you how much i'm wanting to just get out there and get started Also, i've noticed recently that i'm getting much more attention from women. I must be giving off some kind of vibe which i'm unaware of. Has anyone else found this? It's so strange. Without sounding big headed(really not) i'm quite used to getting chatted up by men, but very seldomly women and even then it's more of a certain look rather than a proper chatup. Last couple of months i've had a few offers from women, one of which I don't know why I turned down. I think i must have been nervous and still can't believe that dp is cool with it. Before anyone asks the question, no, he isn't expecting a threesome. That's not what either of us want.

Be great to hear from some of you, either on here or via a PM.

Sorry Hope I haven't interrupted anything. I should have read more of the thread before posting.

Hi AMIBI, ive been following your thread actually:) I dont post on many apart from here! You wont see much about my own situation im afraid as have recently deleted all my posts due to concerns of being 'outed' in RL. You are welcome to PM me though if you want to know more:) Alot of the things you said on your post,I could relate to. I always felt different when growing up,but couldnt put my finger on why( i now know this is typical of BI/GAY people) but due to social/family reasons, it just wasn't an option to me,so i didnt even consider exploring them. Now years later after meeting WIQ a few years ago(which was a non starter by the way) they've come rushing to the surface and as you are finding out,they aren't that easy to put away again! I also am only attracted to a very specific type of women and am also not 100% certain whether im BI or fully GAY.
You are very lucky that your husband is willing to give you his blessing to explore these feelings. What a man!! So are you just trying to work through your feelings, get sexual with another women, or hoping to find something a bit meaningful emotion wise?
I would say be careful if you are the type to fall heavily. Alot of the poster's on here have fallen hook,line and sinker for their WIQs once feelings have developed:o

Of course you didn't interrupt! We are always rambling on about something where WIQs are concerned. Thread is much to big to catch up on all of it,plus it doesn't make much sense now half of it is missing :o

Thanks out. At the risk of repeating what everyone else has no doubt said, i'm so confused!!! I'll take you up on your offer if that's ok and PM you. Thanks. I don't want to hijack this thread, so maybe that's best.

Ok, and you not hijacking thread:) Newcomers always welcome. It means we get fresh perspective on our own situations also:)

Hi Amibi! Yep I remember seeing your thread too. I'm a couple of years older than you, but other than that I could've written most of your post.

I've always found women sexually attractive, but i've only ever had relationships with men, as (until i met WIQ) i'd never met another woman I could envisage a relationship with...

So a few months back it occurred to me that she was giving me vibes, and that something was going on... but it's the most nightmarishly complex situation because of her being my boss, and various other things.

There's also another woman, who i've nicknamed CW (short for cute woman as i didn't know her name to begin with) who is the queen of knee-trembling looks, and has been quite blatant about chatting me up... she's so blatant about the looks she gives that she didn't care about doing it in front of a swimming pool full of kids and both our dhs... but that's another story and i haven't seen her much these past few weeks as she's a parent at the school my dc attends and obviously it's been school holidays. They're back tomorrow, so fingers crossed. I swear though, when i first noticed she was looking at me like that I thought 'jeez i've never, ever had another woman look at me like that in my whole life.' it was quite something.

So do you have someone at present you've got your eye on? It's great that you have your dhs blessing, as do I.

oh, and i think Outmye, might have me in mind regards falling hook line and sinker for wiq.... that's what happened to me. My first few posts on here were so breezy. Now it's got sort of 'ive gotta know either way' with wiq

Hi Not

Sorry, i'm new to all this what exactly does WIQ stand for. Is it woman in question? I can't think it would be anything else

God, I can't imagine how complicated it would be liking one of the mums at my dd's school. Don't get me wrong, they're are some hotties, but they don't really do anything for me.

I know what you mean when you were saying you've never been looked at in that way by another woman before. Recently i've been getting lots of obviously interested looks, sometimes by women with they're boyfriends sometimes on their own. It's all very new and exciting.

There was a woman I saw at the pub the other night(never seen her before) and I clocked her straight away, not sure why, she's not the type i'd normally go for, but I must have been giving her some kind of signal and she came over and told me how beautiful she thought I was, followed by a very seductive 'you know I don't just mean that in a friendly innocent sort of way' face. I was really taken aback and was very attracted to her, which hasn't happened before, ie normally when I get looks or the odd chat up from another woman, I don't fancy them atall. It was a bit of a thrill tbh. Dp was happy.

When you say your dp is happy, is he concerned atall about feelings coming into it? And is the other woman gay/bi herself?