Last night

[shitwhathappened]

I've name changed obviously.

I'm not 100% sure why I am posting this really. Last night I went out for drinks with some friends, under pressure from a particular friend drunk a lot - enough to be totally legless. I hadn't drunk in quite a while, and I realise I could have said no, but I guess I just didn't realise my limits.

This friend then took me home as I did really need escorting to be fair, then started touching me while I was lying down after getting in. I think we had sex, but I can't really remember.

We are both in relationships. I really didn't expect this. This person had been a friend for over 6 years.

I'm not sure whether to tell my dp, right now I think telling him really wouldn't achieve anything except upsetting him.

So right now I am hungover, feeling like shit, but can't get back to sleep as I just don't know what to do.

I think the first thing you need to do is establish whether you did have sex, and whether he used a condom.

I think it's unlikely a condom would have been used due to the alcohol consumption. I want to call him and check what actually happened but it's pretty early and he's probably asleep.

What Leverette said this person doesn?t sound like much of a friend?

Morning...I'm sorry about this.

Please stop worrying about other people at this time and look after you.

So, morning after pill if not on any contraception.

Tell your partner - shrouding it in secrecy when you haven't done anything wrong is not fair on you. You have nothing to hide.

It's not the time of day that is of concern regarding contacting your 'friend'. Don't let him persuade you it was consensual and that you should be keeping it secret for the sake of your partners thus absolving him of any responsibility for what he did.

Vile behaviour. I'm sorry.

I have the mirena, so I don't need to worry about contraception at least.

I don't know about telling dp as I just can't see him taking it the right way. I chose to drink, I know that.

I have texted him ('friend') asking for him to call me when he wakes up.

You chose to drink, you did not choose to have sex.

I have a friend I sometimes have sex with sometimes after drinking (and I'm definitely up for sex with him), I can't tell you how many times he checks if it's ok and if I'm sure.

I cannot think of one decent man I know that would take advantage of a woman who was too drunk to function properly. My own DH doesn't want to have sex with me when I've had too much. He should have took you home and made sure you were there safely, even stayed with you, but he should not have taken advantage.

I know what you mean about it being taken the wrong way with your other half. But you don't want it to get back to him in some other way otherwise then it looks like you've consented and hidden it. You have done nothing wrong.

Speak to the "friend" and ask him to be honest about what happened.

oh sweetheart, what this man did was wrong. He is not your friend. He is a predator who has done something very wrong. do you think your DP will be supportive? do you have friends you can trust?

This is NOT your fault. you did nothing wrong.

I am pretty pissed off with him right now. I think I needed confirmation that what I thought was right ie that he shouldn't have behaved like that. I had known him for a very long time and thought that he was somebody that I could trust.

He even had the cheek to want to stay the night. I am glad that I kicked him out.

Pilchard I don't think dp would understand really. He would probably blame me as we already have some totally unrelated trust issues.

ok, well, you can deal with the dp issue later, Ive a feeling that in a few weeks you will need more support. please contact rape crisis in the first instance. they will be able to talk to you and advise you. would you be comfortable talking to the police? I had a similar experience when I was younger, and I wish that I had called the police at the time.

Pilchard and Stewie thank you for the information. I tried going to the website you gave pilchard but I just felt unbearably sick. I may try to contact them later but I'm just not ready now. I don't think I will contact the police as I think realistically the chance of a conviction is very small and I wouldn't want the scrutiny which would be involved, plus there are other reasons which I don't want to go into as it may out me.

I totally understand. I have to go out now, but I will check back later. please keep talking. has he called you back?

I repeat, you have done nothing wrong. for years I blamed myself, for being silly, for putting myself in that position, for behaving like a slut, for flirting, for drinking too much, for leading him on...

I was raped.

I was raped because he saw a vulnerable young woman, and thought he had the right to use my body because I couldnt say no.

this is no different.

You need to establish exactly what happened before anything is said to your DP.

I hope your okay. If you don't feel like going to the police at this time, how about going to the doctors / nurse or something similar, to get it documented, and noted, this way you can then decide whether you want to go to the police or not afterwards. This is not your fault, is there any close friends you can call?

Can I ask the issues with the DP, if he blames you then he really is a piece of work.

And I wouldn't really consider staying with him. plus if you don't and it comes out later it will give him more reason to disbelieve. What a crap situation.

Has you're mate called back yet??.

This is awful shitwhat.

You've had sone very wise advice already on here, I just wonder if there's someone in RL that you can be with at the moment - being with someone who can talk with you, support comfort and help with anything else you need sounds to me like a good idea.

I'm sorry that this happened to you.

You didn't do anything wrong, this man did. Be kind to yourself, but please think about telling someone in real life who you can trust.

I have spoken to him now. He says he doesn't know what happened. I told him that I didn't believe that as I was the one who couldn't stand on the way back and he was sober enough to be propping me up. I tried asking him directly 'did we have sex?' and he said he didn't know, but didn't say no. I told him that I was angry at him, and he said he didn't know why I was.

keepcalm I texted my friend to call me when she gets a chance, she is at work so isn't free to talk right now. If I told her it was serious I'm sure she would, but I wouldn't want to disturb her like that.