Last night

[shitwhathappened]

I've name changed obviously.

I'm not 100% sure why I am posting this really. Last night I went out for drinks with some friends, under pressure from a particular friend drunk a lot - enough to be totally legless. I hadn't drunk in quite a while, and I realise I could have said no, but I guess I just didn't realise my limits.

This friend then took me home as I did really need escorting to be fair, then started touching me while I was lying down after getting in. I think we had sex, but I can't really remember.

We are both in relationships. I really didn't expect this. This person had been a friend for over 6 years.

I'm not sure whether to tell my dp, right now I think telling him really wouldn't achieve anything except upsetting him.

So right now I am hungover, feeling like shit, but can't get back to sleep as I just don't know what to do.

Right OP I will tell you my story as I think this will help.

Years ago (Im 50 nearly) I knocked around with people. And in those days it's not like the multicultural society we have now. I met this guy but he was black and I was white. There was no way I could be with him. He was so cross, I had a party and I woke up in the morning with him in my bed. Knew nothing of what went on, I only knew I was knickerless. He decided to drug me and have sex with me. I never went to the police etc. why would I. I felt sorry for him to have to do that. What did he take? If I had to be polaxed in order for him to go near me then it was his sad sorry story.

What Im trying to say to you is, you really don't know what happened and you probably never will. Put yourself through all that legal crap and get nowhere.

What did he really take? He's a sad fucker and that will never change.

Hold your head high sweetheart and learn from it.

Sorry you had a dreadful expereince Missfaversham but what's colour got to do with it?

I was just stating facts here of what happened to me so don't jump on the racist bandwagon.

what stewie said.

when I was raped I didnt think of it as rape. I got into a taxi, the driver winked at me and told me I'd be in trouble and I cursed myself for drinking too much. for being stupid. for flirting. for behaving like a slut.

I put it down to "one of those things" but the aftershocks were horrendous, and its only recently, 16 years later, that I can say "I was raped"

There are many ways to support Stewie. I have not minimised it I have told her honestly how I felt regarding not being able to take from my mind and soul.

that should have read "him" not being able to take anything from my mind and soul.

i also do hope i haven't offended as minimising this was not my intention at all. I sometimes find it hard to get what's in my head down in writing.

I would also point out that she has a choice also whether to report it or not and only someone who has been through it can make that call.

Is she going to the police to get some tests?

I would tell your partner tbh, if it comes out later it will look very dodgy, and you touched upon previous trust issues so it really will not do you any good to not say anything.

I understand what you were trying to say. it affects people in different ways.

Thank you Dancing Pilchard.

I have not told my dp, and I really don't think I could now. I completely understand what people are saying that it will come out worse if it comes out later but I don't see how it could really, I have told no one apart from one friend.

I think it is a bit late to report it now, and as people have pointed out before, I wouldn't want the scrutiny involved, not being believed etc. I just can't deal with that.

MissFaversam I do get what you are trying to say, though I don't agree with you completely. What he did was wrong to you.

On a complete side note, he left his jacket here, and wants to come tomorrow to pick it up. Would I be wrong to tell him to f off?

I'd be inclined to shit in the pocket of it before giving it back to him.

I wouldnt EVER see him or want to talk to him again after that.

Who the hell does he think he is, daring to contact you regarding his coat.

I wold reply "It's with the police - do not contact me again" He deserves to sweat if nothing else.

what a piece of work! I do understand why you arent pursuing it. its shit, and he needs to pay, but I understand. how do you feel? Im appalled that he thinks his behaviour was ok. what an entitled shit-for-brains wank-bucket.

Fair enough its your decision, but I feel you will come off looking very bad and won't be believed later on, and it would be very unpleasant for you.

lastnerve !!! FFS

OP, you have to do what you have to do to get through this - but it is never too late to report, you wont look bad (fucking ridiculous thing to say) or be unbelieved. Yes of course it would be better from an "evidence" point of view to report straight away but this is not the same sort of crime as having your house burgled, it just isn't. Whatever you decide we support you, there will also be organisations to support you at ANY time. You can ask for help whenever you want to.

I'm just stating common sense, she posted for advice I'm giving it.

if her relationship has trust issues and then years down the line this is bled from her it will look very dodgy in her DP's eyes, its not ridiculous I'm afraid its common sense, doesn't make it right.

I never said about reporting I'm on about tell her DP, but it is her choice.

OP, I can entirely see why you may not want to tell your DP. However, with regard to your 'friend' - what he did was a breach of trust, a premeditated act, and something that he may well do again to someone else in a similar situation.

As for his jacket? I'd chuck it out.

Whatever else you decide to do is up to you and we'll be here to support you.

Well if her DP doesn't believe her if it comes out, then he is a cunt. Just saying, common sense like!

The only thing i would do if i were you OP is tell this bastard - that you hope he realises that he has commited rape and that he should be utterly ashamed of himself. He is clearly that stupid that he doesn't think he has done anything wrong.

Missfaversham i know exactly where you are coming from. If it helps you (or the OP) to think of it in this way, it is not minimalizing, it is a coping mechanism.

[shitwhathappened] I wonder if he did (rape) this to someone else before he did it to you. Maybe she didn't report him. Perhaps he sexually assaulted someone before that girl and she didn't report it. What if he is escalating each attack as he is constantly 'getting away with it'. Wouldn't it be dreadful if he does it again, and next time it may go further to harming the victim, as in more violence or death or perhaps that victim will be a young girl.

I don't know; but you feel so crap already, maybe one good thing could come out of it for your piece of mind, at least the police would have a heads up on him if he were to do it again, which may be quite inevitable.

MissFaversham I think, and quite rightly it's the "He was black, I was white. There is no way I could be with him". That mediately loses you all credibility to give opinions. "I'm nearly 50" as an excuse to racist attitudes. I'm in my 40's, life was not so different when we were young. I was not racist then either !!

Keep the jacket as evidence. You never know how you might feel in the future. Do not throw it out, do not give it back to him. I would cease all contact with him, texts, phone calls, just do not respond.