His 'holidays' in bloody Thailand

[NotSoEdenRoc]

Name change.

I'm single. I've been involved in an on/off fairly casual thing with this guy for 3 years.He goes to the Far East about 4 times a year. Turns out that he goes to Bangkok and somewhere else in Thailand...I've only just found this out, he's never mentioned Thailand usually says he's going to Malaysia and/or Singapore but doesn't talk about his trip when he gets back home.

Can there be any innocent reason why a single man in his mid 40's goes to Bangkok 4 times a year ? On his own? And if it's all innocent (yea yea) why not just tell me the truth about where he goes?

I know I need to get checked for STI's. I am going to die of embarassment a woman of my age going in there, are these clinics full of 16 year olds?

But my main question here is, would anyone else feel like I do? I feel like I've lost all respect for him as a man. He's a horrible repulsive creature doing this. I feel dirty myself. I feel as if he must hate women.

I have a (single 30-something male) colleague that disappears to Thailand for a few weeks a year. I'm sure I'm just prejudiced rather than reacting rationally - he may be visiting an elderly uncle out there, who knows - but whenever he tells me that he's off to Bangkok again, all I can think is that he's hitting the flesh-pots, hanging out in opium dens, posting bank-notes in lady-boy thongs etc. I've never had the guts to ask him what he gets up to but, then again, he's just a colleague. A boyfriend should be a lot more open

Hi Hun

A friend of my dads who is married with grandchildren used to go there might still do with a group of other guys for a holiday does that quoting thing with fingers in the air and yes he was going for the sex, a lot of sex tourists are getting picked up over there now as well, I wouldnt want to be associated with a guy if his face turned up in the local rag, yet alone the fact he might be encouraging prostitution. There is also the question of the age group of who he might be meeting out there.

It all might be completely innocent though, but you are obviously hearing alarm bells. dump and get tested

Just on the STI clinic thing - I had to go to one a few years ago and there was a complete mix of ages and genders. There were fewer young people than people of other ages tbh.

Good luck.

For his job? International man of intrigue? Thai Curry importer? Coconut farmer? Visiting his great aunt?

If none of the above I would be very very suspicious... And get tested for everything. Then ask him outright.

Cogito and Guilty yes I am unable to find any other reason for his travel there and hearing deafening alarm bells. I am concerned about the lady-boys and that he may be interested in underage girls. I feel sick just writing this.
I am going to stop seeing him of course, no way I will continue.
I'm also now getting flashbacks to a phone convo I heard him have with a mate a long time ago, when I thought I heard him mention the name of a local (notorious) massage parlour and he said 'it's open 24 hours mate'. At the time I thought there was no way he could be talking about that because I just assumed that men don't talk to each other about visiting prostitutes but seems that was a wrong assumption.

oh god I feel sick. More worried about my own health than anything else.

Doesn't sound good OP but just ask him outright. Tell him your concerns and see how he reacts.

Rosebud thanks for the reassurance about the STI clinics. I didn't want everyone looking at me thinking I'm a stupid middle aged idiot.
Ophelia he'd certainly like to think he's an international man of intrigue! Wanker..

To be honest hun statistics show now that sadly theres a great deal of us in our forties and higher who find ourselves at these clinics.
Because of online dating and people divorcing more in middle age and above.

Your health is more important at the mo, everything else is secondary.

goood luck xx

Sti clinics are for everyone. The over 50s are the fastest growing group contracting chlamydia apparently, due to people dating post divorce and not bothering with contraception! So says my 50+ sexual health nurse friend (who got chlamydia har har)

He's probably a sex tourist, which makes him gross, exploitative and possibly a rapist. Run far and get yourself tested.

Get tested, and ask him outright. Either way though, tbh, it sounds like this relationship has reached an end.

How about asking him before you dump? A male aquaintance of mine goes for the beaches and (seriously) yoga courses and not the bimbos. Don't just assume the worst without at least asking.
He may have avoided talking about it precisely because most people assume that blokes go to Thailand just for sex tourism.

Well, it doesn't have to be for sex. He might just like it or have friends there.

But his reluctance to talk about what he does when away, and his misrepresentation of destination are worrying. Has he directly lied about the destination, or was he non-committal and you drew conclusions? Why won't he talk about his reasons for so many visits? It is the lack of communication that would bother me most, and is the most suggestive of a cover up.

My dad goes to Thailand twice a year. He makes no secret about his reasons for going. He even tries to encourage my brothers to go. They never would, not for the same reasons he goes anyway.
He now has 6 kids who think he's a shameless, dirty old man.

ask him and see what your gut instinct tells you about his reply. It sounds dodgy though. Ditto what others have said , older women are fastest growing segment of population with certain STIs. get tested so you can be treated asap if necessary. It will put your mind at rest.

Yuk - doesn't sound like he's going to top up his tan does it?
I can't believe it took 3 years for you to suspect he is up to something shifty!
If you can't face going to the GUM clinic then the local Family Planning clinic will do testing for you. Ours is held at my local GPs surgery a few evenings a month and nobody knows why you are there - it could be for a smear, the pill or anything and you see women of all ages there.

It could be innocent. I love Thailand and would go regularly if I had the means. However I doubt it is innocent, why mislead you about his destination if he is just going to soak up the sights?

Suggest a trip together and watch for his reaction...

My ex FIL went out there to do a documentary, and ended up staying. He had a religious ceremony with his new 42 year old ex prostitute while still married to his second wife. He's now divorced from second wife and still with his new lady 10 years later. My ex went to visit his dad out there and spent a fortune. I though Thailand was suppose to be cheap?! I wasn't surprised to find my marriage was over soon after his visit either. I can't shoot ping pong balls.

I always think that single men going on holiday alone to Bangkok is shorthand for declaring "I'm allowed to be a rapist and paedophile if it's abroad". Sorry, OP. I think the STI clinic does indeed beckon and you have nothing to be ashamed about. Make sure you tell that guy what a sick, disgusting bastard you think he is when you dump him, btw.

"Can there be any innocent reason why a single man in his mid 40's goes to Bangkok 4 times a year ? On his own?"

Sadly no, not really.

And please dont feel ashamed or embarassed about getting yourself checked out.

Culture
Food
Religion
Drugs
Work in one of the many refugee camps as a volunteer
visit people he knows because he likes it better than anywhere else.
Because single men and women are allowed to travel if they want.
Because Bangkok is only one part of a large country that has much more going on than sex tourism.
Becouse OP you do not know you are making assumptions and lo and behold in the space of a few posts he is a rapist and a peado. He may be I am not saying it is not possible he is after all "I DO NOT KNOW". But FGS what is the matter with you people, jumping to conclusions based on one dodgy phone call that might have only been misheard.

He could be visiting his child there?

You just need to ask him really.

Leithlurker, our suspicions may be based on the fact that Thailand's biggest export is sex tourism. Kinda like when tourist come here we think they want to see Buckingham palace, and hopefully the queen, kinda thing.

Sorry I've not been back for a couple of hours I'm supposed to be working . Just catching up on the posts.
To clarify, he has outright said he's going to Malaysia and sometimes Singapore when he goes away. I know for a fact that he's never been to either country (not at least in the last 5 years). I also know for a fact that he's been going to Bangkok.
He really isn't the volunteer for refugees type. Neither is he into culture or yoga.
I know that he was unfaithful before he married his ex wife and during their marriage. I also know that he's a twunt. Just wish I realised it before this weekend.

So completely unfounded then Damsel. I happen to live in Scotland so no tourists will not be coming here to see the queen, in fact much more likely to be middle aged american men coming in groups to play golf.

Or tourists wanting to see Nessie.

Yes, associations like that are made depending on what the counties big hype is all about.

If I said I was off to Nashville I'm sure it would not be off to assume I'm going for the country and western music, though I may not be.

Thailands hype is sex tourism, so I don't think it's so surprising people might think a man visiting is doing so for that reason. Neither should he be.