His 'holidays' in bloody Thailand

[NotSoEdenRoc]

Name change.

I'm single. I've been involved in an on/off fairly casual thing with this guy for 3 years.He goes to the Far East about 4 times a year. Turns out that he goes to Bangkok and somewhere else in Thailand...I've only just found this out, he's never mentioned Thailand usually says he's going to Malaysia and/or Singapore but doesn't talk about his trip when he gets back home.

Can there be any innocent reason why a single man in his mid 40's goes to Bangkok 4 times a year ? On his own? And if it's all innocent (yea yea) why not just tell me the truth about where he goes?

I know I need to get checked for STI's. I am going to die of embarassment a woman of my age going in there, are these clinics full of 16 year olds?

But my main question here is, would anyone else feel like I do? I feel like I've lost all respect for him as a man. He's a horrible repulsive creature doing this. I feel dirty myself. I feel as if he must hate women.

If it were me I would end it without any doubt. I wouldn't have any respect for a man who goes to Thailand 4 times a year for sex tourism which is highly likely to be the reason. Wouldn't be for me.

He lied about it because he knew if you found out you'd dump him. It may well have happened to him before

math I think you're definitely right with regard to him. I can definitely see him thoroughly enjoying the power of that situation. And that is part of what I find so revolting.

The thread's moving a bit fast at the mo and I can't keep up. Too late to tell him not to come round bc he'll be here by 7pm. And booted out of the door by 7.15

I'll update when he's gone home.

I don't see why you got any flak for this post. It is perfectly understandable that you are very upset. Good luck dealing with it

Good luck Roc and dont take any excuses get rid your strong

I do wish people would actually read what the OP has to say before passing judgement comment. Singapore is one of the 'cleanest' countries in the world and if Eden had no reason to doubt what this man had to say about his trips, then why would she assume that he was off having sex with lady boys? The two things are a world apart.

Pleased you're going to get checked out Eden - there is no shame in it. You used protection, not knowing that actually the man you were sleeping with takes huge risks. He therefore has put your sexual health at risk, without giving you the courtesy of being fully informed of the risks.

Years ago I went out with a guy for a few months. He admitted he had used prostitutes in the past. He was immediately dumped. Many reasons for that - my sexual health and his attitude towards women, being among them.

I'm glad you've found out this way rather than by catching something or when you've gotten in too deep.

What a fool he is. I think paying for sex must be so addictive as it seems to taken over and they can be prepared to lose so much.

Plenty of blokes go off on holiday on their own. They have no partners, or partners who are scared of flying, or partners who hate beaches, or partners who'll only do beaches, or they have no mates who'll go so rather than not go at all, they go alone.

They may go to Thailand in particular for the food, the wide variety of sights, for the guaranteed sunshine, for the complete lack of crime against tourists, the low costs of most stuff, the quality of resorts and the service in them, and because they can get a silk suit made to measure there for about 50 quid.

These, however, are reasons to go twice a decade, rather than 4 times a year. The rest of the time, for a change, you'd go to Peru, or Oman, or Goa, for the same reasons as Thailand and by way of a change.

What Thailand has that those others don't have is inexpensive / underage hookers.

+1 for it being hookers.

He's just left, for good. That was horrible.

I'd told him I wanted a chat about something, but realised afterwards that I didn't want to be giving him any advance warning about the subject matter. So I was a bit flirty with him at first even though I now feel sick just looking at him.
I started on the subject of holidays. We've just been away for a short break to France and I brought that up and said I'd really like us to have a beach holiday somewhere hot and sunny soon. He was saying 'oh yea, that would be great, we'll have to sort something' and I interrupted him and said 'next time you're going to Thailand, I could come with you'. He just started to say 'um well I've never been to Thailand....' when I produced his passport. The passport that I found that had so conveniently fallen out of his back pocket and down the side of my sofa last time he sat on it giving me a snog when we got back from France....(ick)
It was very much a deer caught in the headlights moment and I'm ashamed to say I enjoyed every minute of it.
To keep it brief, at first he still tried to deny that he'd ever been to Thailand, then he started to fall to pieces and got very upset and said he's got a problem with enjoying paying for sex and blah blah blah. He absolutely denied going with underage girls. He said he chooses them in their mid 20's. (The image of those girls parading in front of him for him to choose made me feel sick too). He also said there have been lady boys but he said not for ages. He kept saying he's got a problem and he knows he has...
I told him I needed the truth about who he'd been with (men and women) and if he wore protection. He said he always wore a condom (I don't believe him). He said again there had been no men for ages - I don't believe that either.

Anyway he left when I told him to.
I need a coffee, I'm all shaky, I'll be back in a bit! I'm glad it's over.

Bloody hell WELL DONE YOU!! Have your coffee and put some brandy in it!
You have just gone from 0-FABULOUS!
No messing YOU around, is there?
You rock, Roc!

Yay. Mad clapping and cheering from the cheap seats over here. Good on you.

Thanks mushroom. I'm hopeless at confrontations normally, I really don't know what got into me.

He said he never told me he was going to Thailand because he didn't want me to know about his 'problem' and then when I asked what that was he said about paying for sex. He never once used the word prostitute. He said whore (fucking pig he is) but couldn't say prostitute.

Woah Roc, you rock! Well done, that woman!

Still shaking here! Brandy or something sounds good!

Well done.

It's all well and good everyone posting and saying 'do this and that', a lot harder to actually do it!

Have my first ever (and a cheeky !)

Oh and to the Happy Clappy Judgement Crowd: don't waste your bandwidth telling me I shouldn't have snooped in his passport. I absolutely should. And anyway he was careless enough to leave it in my house. Thank god he did!

That's awful to have to deal with. Have a sweet drink to stop the shakes, then have a stiff drinks to help you relax.

Boy you are some woman. Ditto Mushroomsoup. You done good girl!!!

Well done you!

well done, girl !

(don't forget the STI tests)

Well, I don't know what you were doing, snooping through his passport. That's private ffs and if you go looking, you've only yourself to blame for what you find.

Just joking.

What a star you are! It sounds like you handled him perfectly, well done.

Deep breath, big brandy and a huge sigh of relief you have found out.

Roc, you rock

Well done, that must have been tough. You're awesome!

AF going to clinic tomorrow. Dreading it.

Rindercella tis ok I knew you were just joking, and thanks for your support upthread too.

Thanks everyone.
He's just sent a text saying he wants to talk. Do I a) Ignore B) tell him to eff off ?

Ignore. Switch phone off if he persists.

Ignore and delete his number.

What is there to talk about? There's just nothing to say after this revelation. What he's done is beyond belief, he's a liar, user of prostitutes (and regularly, four times a year) and has put you at serious risk of sexual diseases, really serious risk.

You have been amazing to have confronted him, but you absolutely need to get this man out of your life.