His 'holidays' in bloody Thailand

[NotSoEdenRoc]

Name change.

I'm single. I've been involved in an on/off fairly casual thing with this guy for 3 years.He goes to the Far East about 4 times a year. Turns out that he goes to Bangkok and somewhere else in Thailand...I've only just found this out, he's never mentioned Thailand usually says he's going to Malaysia and/or Singapore but doesn't talk about his trip when he gets back home.

Can there be any innocent reason why a single man in his mid 40's goes to Bangkok 4 times a year ? On his own? And if it's all innocent (yea yea) why not just tell me the truth about where he goes?

I know I need to get checked for STI's. I am going to die of embarassment a woman of my age going in there, are these clinics full of 16 year olds?

But my main question here is, would anyone else feel like I do? I feel like I've lost all respect for him as a man. He's a horrible repulsive creature doing this. I feel dirty myself. I feel as if he must hate women.

I worked in travel for many years. Always knew that Thailand was notorious. Even in the late 1980's I remember a colleague who went there coming home with tales that caused our jaws to drop when he recounted them.
However, I've never really known the details. I've been doing some Googling this evening, and had some awful insights into male sexuality...such a dark side (some) of them have. I don't understand men. At all.

Lordy! Well handled!

It's best to be equipped with all the info though. Great that you have ditched him. Don't ever go back.

Gah! Why do these men say it happened in the past? Of course it did - it could hardly happen in the future, could it?

Good for you, OP. Btw I had to get tested and found the GUM clinic had separate sessions for men and for women.

Well done for getting rid. And if you ever start to waver, visit worldsexguide.com and read some of the posts under Thailand in there.

Prostitutes are the most least likely to have diseases. They check up regularly!!!!!

He's may well be able to get escorts in the Uk to satisfy his palate - but what if he's going to Thailand to shag children? 4 times a year sounds like a lot.
Just my thought.

Good luck with the appointment tomorrow - they might offer you counselling too.
I do hope he doesn't bother you again OP.

Thecook - UK prostitues yes, totally agree. Thai prostitutes no, totally disagree.

OP they will be great at the GUM clinic. If they can't offer quick HIV test results and you are panicing, go to the Terrence Higgins Trust website and find out their nearest testing centre. You'll have the result in 20 mins and it's only a finger prick. Use the GUM clinic for the rest of your checks (smear and bloods). Ask them to do throat swabs too and make sure they know where he's been visiting as there may be other region specific things they look for.

I'm sure you'll be fine but best to be sure :)

OP, hope you are ok this morning

You must be feeling so nervous. Be strong, lovely.

Just for all of your reference, I suspect that there is nothing available in Thailand that is not available in Singapore. Singapore is squeaky clean on the outside but there is a very seedy interior if you want it (I had a good friend who lived there for years). I don't know about Malaysia but anywhere where there is a huge discrepancy in income between locals and tourists/expats (and there is in Singapore, despite its high average wealth), you can buy whatever you want.

OP sorry if came across as being judgemental but suggesting you were naïve and it took you 3 yrs to twig. Perhaps I'm too suspicious! Although I'm not controlling with my DP. I do think I am very realistic about men. Thankfully I have a decent bloke but I wouldn't be so trusting as not to question frequent trips abroad.
Anyway!! Well done for dumping that total perv. Yuck and double yuck at the thought of handpicking women, whatever the age. And ladyboys previous.

The only saving grace was that you weren't seriously involved with him or even married. Make sure you don't enter enter any discssion with him again. Its not like you have kids or a house to discuss. He was a casual fella who led a sleazy life. History.
I agree mens 'sexuality' never ceases to amaze me. And the fact that some men have no shame in paying for someone half their age for sex. And btw, I would tell every fucker who knows him what he does!

Hope the GUM clinic was ok. There's absolutely no shame in it at all.

Thanks carmen. Obviously I was very upset yesterday that I hadn't discovered this sooner but I'm not blaming myself in any way. Because his work involves lots of frequent travel overseas. I had no reason to be suspicious and he realised that by lying to me about where he was going, it would achieve that. Yes, it worked didn't it. His work takes him all over the place - and although I am fully aware that prostitution is absolutely a global thing - none of the other places he went to raised any particular red flags.

In answer to what he gets in Thailand that he doesn't get here, or anywhere else, he said last night that he feels like it's 'ok' to do it in Thailand because it's all so open. It's the openness, the whole 'nightlife' thing, the being able to wander around whole areas of Pattaya and Bangkok, going from bar to bar with the girls (yes and boys) openly looking for customers that he enjoys. He likes being able to sit in a packed out bar, perched on a bar stool beer in hand, watching footie while he gets a BJ. He even said he'd like to live there because 'they have no stupid hangups about sex'. And of course they act like they worship Western men...

All ok (so far) at clinic. Chlamydia negative. Initial gonorrhoea negative but they have sent some swabs off to the lab. Will take a week to get all results back. Fun week ahead then...
Feel a bit like I've been hit by a truck this morning.

And just a response to the people who implied that this is what you get when you're in a casual relationship. Actually this could be a damn sight worse if I was married to the git because then I wouldn't have been using condoms with him.

glad you've got rid of him. Hope all ok with tests. re lying- yes not using contractions in speech is an indicator of someone possibly lying. It is not foolproof, use it in conjunction with other signs. Some people are so expert at lying you'd never, ever know without a lie detector, even then some pass.

very famous one " i did not have sexual relations with that woman" Bill clinton

please everyone don't start interrogating your man!!

Well done OP. Glad to hear the tests are coming out OK.

any more contact from the sleazeball, OP ?

OP - Very sorry for all that's happened. The twat probably wants to discuss things with you in order to make sure that you don't tell anyone about his sordid secret life.

Best wishes. x

Thanks again everyone. I know that I wouldn't have found the courage to deal with him last night if it hadn't been for the support here.

He's tried ringing me today on the mobile. I switched Vmail off so it just rang and rang. I spoke to Orange and they said they can't bar a number. Does anyone know if that's true? I don't want to have to change my number but if he's still trying to get in touch after a few more days I may have to. Or is there an app (android) that blocks a number?

More interesting is that his ex wife has asked if I'll meet her for a chat. I'm not sure about that...she and i know each other only as passing acquaintances but there we do have a mutual friend. It's the friend who told me the real reason for their divorce. I don't know if there's anything to be gained by speaking to her, and yet I feel like i need to know everything there is to know, if that makes sense. I may wait till test results come back..esp HIV...WWYD?

I'd definitely meet her. But I'm a nosy old bag and would definitely want all the dirt. Might be good for her too to have her good decision reinforced by knowing he hasn't changed.

I would say why not meet his ex, she probably means you no harm because if she did, she would have been stirring from the start. Meet her somewhere public, see what she says, you can walk out anytime if she's odd/nasty.

really impressed with how you handled yoruself. I don't think you were naive at all, you just assumed people tell the truth, that's what I generally assume too.

Best of luck with all the tests.

Aw god, yeah I'd say sti test is a good idea.

you'd be surprised how many older women end up in those places.

yes, the lying is worrying, why not just tell you if it was innocent?.

I would meet her, you never know she might help you get some more information/support/closure on things. As Pullup says, if her motives are suspect and meeting is going badly you can leave immediately. And ... you don't have to tell her anything you don't want to.

p.s. Is she suddenly contacting you to meet? Timing seems strange thats all.

And re. STD clinic, I couldn't give a monkey's about that. They are usually very good. Though I did meet a horribly patronising "health counsellor" there once ("oh poor you, yada yada"). IME the doctors are OK though.

Yes the timing does seem strange but i would say meet her, but then again i'm just nosey

What happened with the exwife is this. I asked our mutual friend if she knew why they had got divorced, the real reason. Friend asked me what had happned between me and him so I told her. My friend then said she did know more about their divorce but wanted to contact E (his exW) to check if it was ok to tell me some information. My friend spoke to her, told her what I'd found out and E then said it was fine to tell me why she'd divorced him - she'd found out that he was visiting prositutes in Thailand and Vietnam or Cambodia or both I can't remember. My friend then rang me to tell me. This is all what helped me piece this together.

I think it's ok. I don't think she'll be mad with me for anything, but I'm not sure why she wants to talk to me. Curiosity got the better of me though so I'm meeting her for coffee tomorrow.

Presumably the timing is linked to the fact the mutual friend just told OP about the reason the man and his ex-wife broke up - I guess the mutual friend has talked to the ex-wife?