The thread in which we all pray Johnny depp has signed up to POF - DATING THREAD 17!

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Here we go again....

I am off out shortly for a night out with my lovely local friends (all mums from DS2s school) but just had a quick skim through, lots happening!

Snape a date! hurrah. I quite like a man with facial hair (although tbh my taste is more stubble than full on beard, but am thinking the latter is probably softer & less likely to produce painful stubble rash!)

MLM I think maybe because of what you went through, and your age, you do have as Time said a need to be adored/wanted by men. Which is understandable, but men your age are often only looking for casual sex. And theres no problem with that per se, but there is if youre hoping it will be more & getting hurt when it isnt. Having more female friends is the way to go - and friends with children is good too, girls in your situation, who are LPs, looking to go back to work/study etc. I think SureStart (hope Ive got the right name) was suggested before, seemed a good starting point to me.

I have a date tomorrow, with the one who makes me laugh & is a bit silly. We'll call him Mr Funny :) And trying to arrange a 2nd date with Mr Ill, who is now almost well and wants to see me, although typically the days he is free are ones I cant do. At this rate I wont see him til next week, which seems ages away!

I meant the week after next, of course!

Exactly Libby. I know I should say something but how to do it without looking neurotic and potentially ruining something? I suppose if I was advising a friend I'd say if he's a decent guy he'll understand and stop. Tbh, tho I'm sat here bored and the temptation to log on for a nose is quite strong. Maybe that's all he's doing. But does the fact that I'm considering that say that this is a non-starter anyway or is this some sort of subconscious defence mechanism?

You're probably right time. Confidence and self esteem don't necessarily go hand in hand. :(

Sponge enjoy your night out and your date

Still If he was a decent guy he wouldn't be looking on POF while he is seeing you. He would have told you that you weren't what he is looking for and wished you well in your search in finding Mr Right. And he hasn't been in touch with you since Thursday night, I'm not surprised you are bored! Get yourself logged on and have a look at what's on offer

But then I can't take the moral high ground when I talk to him!

Still confidence and self esteem both increase dramatically when you stop allowing yourself to be treated with any less respect than you deserve, honestly. I have been exactly where you are, I tolerated all kinds of crap from my ex, right from the very beginning, I am almost embarrassed to think about it now. There is no way on Gods Earth I would ever allow it to happen again.

I wouldn't care about that. He has no right to say anything to you for logging on to the dating site when he has already done it. Dating should be fun, there shouldn't be a need for taking the moral high ground at this early stage.

We are not big texters time its normal for us to have contact only 2-3 times a week. I need to decide if I'm happy with this very casual arrangement or if I'd be better off knocking it on the head. I'm kind of scared of the latter tbh. Guess I'm a bit needy too... dammit!

Bizarrely there's all sorts of crap I won't tolerate after my ex. I'm a bit surprised and disappointed with myself tbh.

I can easily find single males but females are so so hard to find, and my best friend lives a good 2hour drive away. miss her.

It is good to get compliments it makes you feel better, as does it feel good to know men look at you. I hold my head up now, I used to always be looking at the ground, I smile, I feel good, Its nice to know I can get someone if I want to.

You will be ok, by the time we have finished with you

Why does the latter scare you, if you don't mind me asking?

MLM It's even better to not need the compliments, because you are happy enough with yourself to not need the validation. And of course you can get someone if you want to, we can all get someone if we want to, but most of us prefer to wait until we meet someone who is right for us.

Maybe you find single males easier to find because that is where you concentrate your attentions.

Because I'd miss the attention. God, I sound pathetic. I REALLY thought I'd be stronger than this. I don't want to be one of these women that needs a man to feel complete or validated but I fear I'm headed that way if I don't take control of this. :(

If/when I end this I hope to god I'm strong enough to take some time out and find fulfilment elsewhere in my life.

You don't sound pathetic, you are on a learning curve, you are aware of why you are willing to stay in a situation that isn't exactly healthy for you so you have the opportunity to do something about it. You can take control if you choose to. You have to tell yourself that you are worthy of more than just crumbs, you deserve the whole cake While ever your attentions are stuck on a man who is only giving you the crumbs you are in danger of missing the man who is wanting to give you the whole cake.

I have tried single females and its hard the last girl I spoke to, who we got on well at the bus stop was saying how its good to have my freedom Cooing over little man then says hope me and my fiancee will have kids. Grr. Everyone around me is getting married or engaged. I am happy for them honestly I am, but I feel like I am being shoved back on a shelf marked used goods.

Sorry pity over. Slap to myself. I don't need compliments anymore though for a while I did. My ex drained my confidence and I needed a boost to get it back. Most has returned now.

You are still young MLM, you have plenty of time for marriage and more babies. Do you go to toddler groups with your DS? Or do you do anything at all with him that gives you contact with other young mums? Hopefully you will be accepted on your course and this will be a way to make new friends. When will you find out if it's a definite or not?

I have heard nothing back. I keep meaning to go. But something always happens. There is one pretty local too at a church. But I just havent gone yet and tbh I am a little scared of looking like a bad mum cos I am far from perfect.

MLM, I don't think any of us are perfect - I'm certainly not! Some mums do come across as being the perfect parent, and I generally find it best to avoid them. But I've found it really helpful chatting to other mums who find things hard sometimes - it's made me realise that I'm not the only one who struggles. Why not give it a try - your little one will probably enjoy it - and if you don't like it, you never have to go back again.

MLM it's always scary doing something for the first time, but once you have done it you will feel great, and it will be another boost to your confidence. And as Libby says, your DS will benefit from it too. Go on, give it a go!

I used to take him with my bestie (she held my hand sort of through everything) but since moving miles away I haven't. My little treasure is currently sleeping in my arms. Seems restless tonight. Bless him.

I JUST FINISHED MY DECORATING ALL BY MYSELF Sorry couldnt resist, no one else seems to think its a big deal!! IT IS, they of course have partners to do it for them!

Might have spent the afternoon with PM in the gym, hitting the cardio, listening to him making 'sex noises' from sheer exertion. . Nothing really changes on that front...

...except I have three THREE potential dates from OKC now.... Think I might just go and get laid. :)

Back to wine, doctor who and idiocy, slumped on sofa with idiot man.

mlm well done re the decorating. I remember when I decorated my old house all on my own, you get such a sense of achievement! enjoy it :)

snape 3 dates! We need details!!

I feel rough as hell. Was up til 4am with my friends. Have date with Mr Funny this afternoon which I may have to cancel because laughing will hurt my fragile head...off to take some Ibuprofen and hope to feel better!

(am v happy though despite aeful hangover because Mr Ill was texting me all last night )

What room to do next?? Little man's or my room. Not sure......