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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH would like me to wear a dress.

171 replies

Singlesoundasyouscream · 22/06/2012 00:44

I feel uncomfortable in dresses - I am wellbuilt and my tummy is bigger than my boobs so I think I'd look like a barrel.
I only ever were a tunic top over linen wide leg trews as I feel it's the most slimming option, and although I never look great it suits me ok. He reckons if I change from this "365day uniform" it'll give me more confidence and he's fed up of seeing me in the same clothes. And he'd be really pleased to see me in something more........ (but never really says a word here, iyswim?)
Would you give it a try? TIA.

OP posts:
ThePinkPussycat · 22/06/2012 01:03

Yes, I love dresses, you can just put them on and you are dressed! But you do need the right one for your shape. Trinny and Suzanna were/are good on clothes styles for different shapes - will see if I've still got the relevant book.

I am v fussy about dresses. The strategy I have found works best is to order a few from M & S online, shapes etc based on T&S, after reading the reviews. These tell you potential problems, and whether you should order the 'right' size or a bigger (or smaller!) size - safest is to order both if in doubt.

As I like sleeves and calf-length it can take a while for me to find dresses I like, but can usually find two or three potentials.

When they arrive I try them on. I select one, and then return the others to my nearest M&S about 15 minutes drive away.

This does require an initial outlay, though you later claim it back.

Another strategy I have used is to find my 'colours' - I just did it out of a book - don't rely on you liking a colour, it may not suit you. I thought I hated sage green, but it looks good on me.

Then go round charity shops. Look at all the dresses in your size and colours, and try them on, even if they don't look hopeful on the hangar.

Or George at Asda, if you are not as fussy as I am about style. Same technique as for charity shops.

msrantsalot · 22/06/2012 01:06

he buys me dresses and nighties and lingerie... which i wear once then go back to comfy clothes. so he buys me more dresses. I have loads of dresses...and a very active ebay sellers account too....

If your not comfortable then your miserable. Id say try it and see but if you dont like it then dont do it again. Smile

ThePinkPussycat · 22/06/2012 01:14

*hanger not hangar - I'm not that big Wink Blush

diddl · 22/06/2012 07:39

Couldn´t you get something like the tops you wear, just longer?

diddl · 22/06/2012 07:42

That said, I´d be pissed off at being told that someone was fed up of seeing me in the same clothes.

I walk the dog & bike somewhere everyday.

Dresses not so good for that!

JustFabulous · 22/06/2012 07:43

I find dresses easy to wear in that there is only one thing to chose rather than two when wearing trousers/skirt and a top, but you must feel comfortable. If he is sick of seeing you in the same stuff suggest you go shopping together...

DH suggests I try things I would never look twice in and he is always bloody right about it looking good on me.

icepole · 22/06/2012 07:45

Does expect you to dictate his clothing choices? Tell him you will start wearing dresses when he does.

RubyGates · 22/06/2012 07:48

Does he wear the same damn thing every day? The same basic uniform? I'll bet he does.
Tell him if he wears something very different to please you, then you'll do the same for him.

doggiemumma · 22/06/2012 07:51

So, let me get this right - the OPs DH is trying to dictate to her what she wears.HE is sick of seeing her in the same old clothes? Basically being a controlling twunt and people are advising her about dress shapes????? Have i woken up in the 1950's???

OP, you wear what you are comfortable in, he doesn't have any say in what you wear (unless you are wearing pink spandex shorts then any respectful partner would gently try and steer you in the direction of something less ridiculous!). You would categorically NOT feel more confident if you start wearing what you do not feel comfortable in just to please your partner.

If your partner had said "oh, i think you'd look lovely in that dress" or something along those lines it would be very different to telling you what he would be "pleased" to see you wearing? Might i suggest that if he changed his attitude, you would feel far more confident!

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 22/06/2012 07:53

Hmm I'm with icepole here.. what you wear should be what YOU want to wear. Not him. I never wear dresses..ever. I'm not as smart as trousers and tunics either.. I'm a jeans and jumper kind of girl. my DH would never ever say he was fed up with me wearing the clothes I like and am comfy in..that would be unhelpful and somewhat rude.

It sounds a tad controlling to me. Do you dictate what he wears? That's he's feel more confident if he ditches his trousers and went for a sarong?

You should be happy in what you like and he needs to butt out!

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 22/06/2012 07:53

DH would like me to wear a dress
I feel uncomfortable in dresses.

There you go: don't wear them.
FFS are you his walking talking Barbie doll?

doggiemumma · 22/06/2012 07:54

Thankfully I have crossed posted with some more sensible posters!

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 22/06/2012 07:56

The 1 a.m. timeslot in which the advice that said "yes, let your DH dress you; here's how to help it along" may have had something to do with it? I was also flummoxed by it.

LemonTurd · 22/06/2012 07:57

Wear what you want to wear!

Grumpla · 22/06/2012 08:07

^^ What they said!!!

I sometimes discuss clothing with my DH. When I have asked for his opinion he has told me that he thinks I look lovely in dresses. But that is very different to being told I "should" wear dresses!

The fact is I do not find dresses particularly easy / practical to wear, so I rarely do. If DH commented on this as some sort of failure on my part to meet his ideals of femininity I would tear a strip off him. Similarly, I tell my toddler what to wear not always successfully and assume that as he is a grown man my DH can probably manage to dress himself without any input from me.

It sounds as though you have a good idea of what suits you and is practical for you. Those, surely, are the only considerations a grown woman needs to make when selecting clothes?!?!

doggiemumma · 22/06/2012 08:10

Hotdamn maybe it is some sort of witching hour where people go a little bit mad?

Bucharest · 22/06/2012 08:11

You don't want to.

So you don't.

(and ^^what thy all said)

hidingbeneathanamechange · 22/06/2012 08:42

He doesn't sound like a dictatorial bloke to me. Maybe he thinks you have lost a bit of confidence and a change might be good for you. Maybe he thinks you look gorgeous in dresses. Maybe he is just not good at communicating and is trying to be nice and has inadvertently put his foot in it. Only you know your husband. If you really hate dresses tell him that you are more confident in your trousers, and a dress would be a terrible option for you. Try some on though - you won't know until to try.

Lizzabadger · 22/06/2012 08:47

Tell him you'll wear what you want.

ceeveebee · 22/06/2012 09:03

Presumably the fact you posted this in relationships rather than style and beauty means that you don't really want advice about what type of dress to wear, but instead about your relationship with DH. I think he is being a bit controlling here. It's really none of his business what you choose to wear, you can and should wear whatever you like

How did this suggestion of his come about, did you ask him for his opinion or did he volunteer it uninvited? Are there any other aspects of your life that he tries to control?

RamblingRosa · 22/06/2012 09:09

I'm with all those who've said you should wear what you're comfortable and it's not for your DH or anyone else to tell you what to wear.

Mumsyblouse · 22/06/2012 09:18

It's not for your husband to tell you what to wear, but this doesn't sound very controlling, more that he's expressing what he thinks you'd look nice in.

The fact that he's saying he thinks you'd have more confidence if you changed what you wore suggests to me that this conversation was had in the context of you saying you've lost confidence and him trying to build it up again.

My husband likes me in bright clothes, because I wear a lot of black. But of course, I still wear black a lot as I think it suits me and I like it. I also occasionally tell him 'that makes your tummy look large' or 'I really like that green t-shirt, why don't you wear that?' I like him in big clothes that don't cling to his rather large belly, I've told him that this is more flattering.

I don't think this is controlling, I would find it odd not to be able to discuss our clothes choices with each other and seek each other's opinions, even blunt ones.

However, only you know the context of this conversation and how pressured you feel by what he said.

ceeveebee · 22/06/2012 09:24

I can't imagine my DH ever saying to me that he's fed up of seeing me in the same clothes. If he meant to be considerate and boost her confidence then he's gone about it in an odd way!

amillionyears · 22/06/2012 10:08

I never get these threads
Dont women do things to please men and vice versa?
Or does that all stop when you move in together?
Or are you single?

With most things there is a compromise
op,could you wear dresses at home,where he is going to see you more anyway,unless you are both working in the same place.

And now for the really big flaming.
imo,most men find women less sexy in trousers.
Ask men around you.You may well be surprised at the answers
And no,i am not a man.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 22/06/2012 10:11

Dont women do things to please men and vice versa?

Of course. But when it goes beyond one's personal comfort levels and preferences, then that is going too far.