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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH would like me to wear a dress.

171 replies

Singlesoundasyouscream · 22/06/2012 00:44

I feel uncomfortable in dresses - I am wellbuilt and my tummy is bigger than my boobs so I think I'd look like a barrel.
I only ever were a tunic top over linen wide leg trews as I feel it's the most slimming option, and although I never look great it suits me ok. He reckons if I change from this "365day uniform" it'll give me more confidence and he's fed up of seeing me in the same clothes. And he'd be really pleased to see me in something more........ (but never really says a word here, iyswim?)
Would you give it a try? TIA.

OP posts:
amillionyears · 22/06/2012 10:14

but in this case it doesnt have to.
If the op isnt comfortable wearing dresses when working,going out,or socializing,fair enough.
But when she is in the house,housework,etc,hopefully she could give that a try.

MissFaversam · 22/06/2012 10:14

Let him to wear the dress Grin

Really OP if you don't want to wear a dress don't!

Who does he think he is "The Clothes Police"

It's not about pleasing each other - it's about him trying to make you wear something that he knows full well you feel uncomfortable in.

UnChartered · 22/06/2012 10:16

i totally agree with PPs who have said that you should wear what you feel comfortable in, and no way change your appearance to what your DH wants to you be.

BUT

perhaps it was a very ham-fisted way of asking if you were happy? maybe you've looked a bit down and he was being a bit shit with words?

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 22/06/2012 10:16

And now for the really big flaming. imo,most men find women less sexy in trousers.

and whether men view women as sexy or not is important because...?

and the fact that "sexy" here is shorthand for "compliant in their behaviour with what another person/society wants from them" does not trouble you just a tiny bit?

MissFaversam · 22/06/2012 10:16

Why should the OP have to wear the dress at home????? Good god, I don't get all the submissiveness where men are concerned.

UnChartered · 22/06/2012 10:20

wearing the dress at home Hmm like some sort of dressing up doll?

dreamingbohemian · 22/06/2012 10:20

OP, your question was, 'Should I give it a try?'

I think you should wear what you want and not feel pressured by your DH, but there is no harm in trying something new. If you don't like it, don't wear it. But you might be surprised.

If you don't want to try, that's fine too.

Is this really about the dress though? Are you feeling non-confident these days? Is your DH trying to be supportive or is he making things worse?

amillionyears · 22/06/2012 10:20

She doesnt have to.But it might be nice to.She may find she likes it,she may find she doesnt.
He could even go with her to find 1 they both like.It could be fun.

MissFaversam · 22/06/2012 10:22

Fun? Him marching her round shops making her put things on she doesn't want to? Really?

Anniegetyourgun · 22/06/2012 10:22

It's all in the emphasis, innit. If he is gently encouraging you to believe you'd look nicer than you think you would in dresses, fair enough IMO. Nothing wrong with giving it a try. But there's something awfully Stepford about thinking Women Should Wear Dresses. The word he isn't saying, of course, is "feminine".

Reminds me of how XH used to believe Women Should Have Long Hair. He never won that one because, after all, I'm the one who has to wash, style and wear it, he only had to look at it.

amillionyears · 22/06/2012 10:23

op,you are in a relationship.
Some of the posters on here are not,and dont want a relationship.
Or are trying to ruin other peoples.

MissFaversam · 22/06/2012 10:25

All she needs to say is NO, I don't feel comfortable in a dresses and I'm not going to wear one.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 22/06/2012 10:28

Yup. Because being "feminine" is never actually about the dress or hairstyle or whatever looking "better" - it's about demonstrating your willingness to comply.

Consider societies where men have long hair and it is NOT DONE for women to grow theirs longer, for example. Or stupid-ass shoes that hobble you.

When society says "feminine", what it actually means is "properly submissive". Try it. Come on, for me. You'll look so sexy baby. It'll be fun!

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 22/06/2012 10:28

Personally I'm a big dress-wearer because it's easy and I'm lazy, but I think he can fuck off. Wear what you like, what suits you and what you feel comfortable in.

Your current 'look' sounds lovely to me.

Jux · 22/06/2012 10:29

My dh wears the same thing all the time. Jeans, t-shirt and a loose shirt over the top. I'd quite like to occasionally wear something different (and the t-shirts and shirts are always either grey, black or white) and different colours.

I asked him (once) if he would ever consider wearing something else. He wouldn't. That's as far as it went.

I think he can ask. You could try if you wanted to, but if it makes you miserable or you don't like it, then don't do it.

Ps, I love dresses and skirts - long ones. That's what I wear all the time. Varied and colourful ones. I get many comments about my beautiful skirts, even from strangers in the street. They're comfortable, and they cover all my lumps and bumps!

cureall · 22/06/2012 10:32

Well I think it's sweet that he feels confident enough to tell you that he thinks you'd look lovely in a dress, it's quite different to saying YOU MUST do so. And he hasn't slagged off your dress sense at all, has he?

The lingerie dept in M&S is full of stuff designed to look sexy, by which I mean attractive NOT submissive. I'm a dresses fan. Confidence can come from looking good, that's why make up and clothes shops sell us an awful lot more than any of us actually need to survive.

My first thought was, are there any celebrities/people in the public eye who you share a body shape with? You could check out the styles they wear (google them using Images) and see if any 'look' takes your fancy.

I'd avoid anything waisted if your tummy is bigger than your boobs, but a slimming sheath dress (aka tunic!!) with a cardie, tights and flats is an easy look. Monsoon does nice dresses and a couple of hours in any department store trying things on will give you a much better idea of what suits.

You sound like you might be a bit fed up of wearing the same thing all the time and say you 'never look great' so maybe he thinks you would FEEL great in a dress. And having your DH look at you like you are a foxy mama would not be a bad thing.

Amillionyears, have you got a spare fire blanket?

cureall · 22/06/2012 10:37

All the 'he can fuck off lot' I will join you on the march to demand practical shoes in the workplace for women, that is my bugbear.

I saw a bit of the introduction to this years Big Brother and ALL the girls were wearing creations with massive stack soles as well as heels and looked frankly ridiculous, like flamingoes with golf clubs. Completely off topic. Sorry !

UnChartered · 22/06/2012 10:39

see now, i like wearing shoes with huge heels - but it's the I LIKE bit that makes all the difference IMO

amillionyears · 22/06/2012 10:39

No cureall,I havent!
But I have got a fire entinguisher on my shopping list !.
After that thread about a month ago,when a MN woman was a witness to a bad car crash,amd people were asking if others had a fire extinguisher in their car to put out the flames of a car that was on fir with people trapped inside.

cureall · 22/06/2012 10:49

OMG that sounds terrible. Not something I've ever thought about having to hand.
Unchartered - I could not agree more. I love the little make up I wear and do it for me and me alone. It sounds like OP might get a boost from getting a few new outfits. OP why not take a friend shopping and see what she thinks of you in a dress? Hotdamn might not be the best person to ask :)

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 22/06/2012 10:54

I wear feminine dresses and heels to work every day because I LIKE the benefits I accrue from doing so: people reacting to me more positively.

But I know that I am performing femininity, in a context that rewards it and is designed to convince me that I should do so. It even manages to convince me that I like it for myself, sometimes, and that the dresses really are objectively pretty.

Never seen a man wearing one without looking ridiculous and devalued, though.

coppertop · 22/06/2012 11:00

So essentially your dh wants you to wear something you find uncomfortable because he's fed up with seeing you in your usual clothes?

I can't help wondering what would be next. Will he want you to wear different shoes? Change your hairstyle to one he would prefer to see?

becstarsky · 22/06/2012 11:05

Am Shock at "when she is in the house,housework,etc,hopefully she could give that a try."

Dress to please a man while around the home, doing the housework? OMFG... I just... don't know quite what to say to that.

It sounds like the OP has a good sense of her own style and what she enjoys wearing. And the OP hasn't mentioned that she is the person who does the housework - what's with that assumption?

But if the OP had posted in 'Style and Beauty' saying 'I'd like to give dresses a try and my DH wants to take me shopping, buy me a dress and then take me out on a date to a place I've been wanting to go to for ages' I'd have been in there waxing lyrical about the joy of dresses. I might even have commented that my DH loves seeing me in a dress. But in 'Relationships'? And to get advice to put a dress on to scrub the shower? The Fifties called, they want their messageboards back.

amillionyears · 22/06/2012 11:09

He could dress differently too,if she asks him,and he says yes.
Fun!

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 22/06/2012 11:09

'when she is in the house,housework,etc,hopefully she could give that a try.' Shock Shock

I hadn't even seen that post. Or maybe I had but my brain wouldn't take it in, because it's not 1953.

That poster also wrote 'most men find women less sexy in trousers.'

Well, I'm doomed then, because I've got jeans on today.

DISCLAIMER I am not single (what does that do to your theory, amillionyears?).