DH and I got married last year. We are expecting our first DC at the end of November. So, unless born on the due date, DC will be two - three weeks at Christmas.
When we got married, we agreed to spend alternate Christmases with our respective families. Last year was with my Parents as my mum and dad hosted our whole family last year. They do alternate years. My DSis is married too and has the same arrangements with her husband's family so we went last year to make sure we tied in with the year DSis was there toon
Obviously, we will have a very small baby this year. PILS live about 3 hours away. They live in a very nice house. However, it is small in thatbDH has to sleep in the lounge when we visit. I'm in a single room and there is only one bathroom
DH is very anal about the time spent with both families and wants to make sure it is exactly equal. Which I find a bit wearing to be honest. I had a great relationship with my grandparents (both sets) and saw them roughly equally but sometimes I saw one set slightly more than the other and vice versa - it was the natural ebb and flow. However, I don't remember anyone keeping notes or scores.
This year it is our turn to visit DH's parents. DH brought this up tonight and Ive said to him that I really don't think this will be feasible. I'll be establishing breast feeding, the baby will only be 2-3 weeks old and if I've had a c section to a rough birth, I could still be in pain.
I've proposed as an alternative that the PILs come here with sis in law as we have much more room and I'll be settled. I normally love cooking but I've said I won't be up to it so we will need to go out to eat. Which makes me a bit sad but MIL is not a good cook and PILs are of the variety who like to be "entertained" so don't do anything to help when they visit.
DH is furious, thinks I am being completely unfair, has said that both sets of grandparents (around85+) would need to come too - even though they don't spend Christmas with the PILs but are visited as they are very infirm. they would not manage our house well as it has lots of stairs and we only have 4 bedrooms.
I was hoping to suggest that my parents came too as they are a huge help and my mum would be able to do the coking some we could all stay at home at least. Howeverx, due to the reaction re the PILs, I've not. DH is now saying that we will discuss it nearer the time and he's sure I will be fit to go er etc. we don't go this year, we have to go the next year (which would have been the year with my family so could have seen my sister - so will never get to,spend Christmas with her, my nephew and bil ever again due to rotation)
I'm verging between anger and tears. I've always been good at sticking up for myself but now I'm pregnant, I actually feel incredibly vulnerable and almost scared about all this stress at a time when I really won't want it.
I also (perhaps stupidly) feel very let down by DH. I had hoped that his first thought would have been to domwhatbwas best for me and the baby. But it's not. It's to do what he thinks is fairest for my family as he calls them. Interestingly, DC and I don't form part of that grouping which I also find incredibly hurtful too
Do any of you have any tips how to resolve this. I can see it becoming an increasing problem through DC's life. DH, to be fair, is normally reasonable and rationale but this is a real hot button. Any attempts to discuss things are met with accusations of me trying to stop him seeing his family etc.