Now it's my turn girls

[Midwife99]

DH is leaving. He read out a statement in couples counselling telling me he is leaving me & DCs with all the details of the financial & practical arrangements as a done deal kind of situation. He has blamed me for it all. I didn't see it coming although there have been problems. I'm totally in shock. I still love him
but what can I do? I know that life goes on but still - totally devastated. No so wise now eh midwife?

Yes, remember its what my H did to me, try to make me out to blame for everything and say that I had been really horrible to him, when in reality I know I hadn't.

This is what they do..... Bastards...

Wow, what a completely cowardly way to do it, that he felt the only way to have the balls is to do it in counselling.

You've got your head screwed on, you're strong. But it still sucks. I'm sorry.

You are not a failure! Absolutely not.

Have always thought he didn't deserve you, ever since you wrote about the things he said about your size, among other things. How dare he?

Hope your RL friends are around for hugs etc. Lots of virtual ones here!

Thanks everyone. He has texted to say "he has to leave for his mental health".

Hope he finds some...

Poor diddums. I have read your threads and he is a total arsehole. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

I know feelings don't just disappear overnight but if you start to think about how he is treating you, feel the anger and use it positively to move on from him. That's what I have tried to do

midwife, this is the point where your mental health and emotional wellbeing start to get better and better. It's for the best.

Would it be really wicked of me to tell his cousin's husband they had an affair? After all karma will bite me if I do? It finished before we met so he says but they were still texting each other in an inappropriate way until I found out 3 years later. Of course she's still married! It would hurt the innocent if I told but I have been vilified by his mother for not letting him see his favourite cousin ever since.

I'd leave it, I doubt you'll feel any better for having done that.

I'd grass the bastard like a shot,but you are probably nicer than me,Midwife.He is just not good enough for you,the prick.You are such a lovely sounding woman who has good advice for all who ask.Once the initial gut wrenching hurt has eased,you will realise that he has been a very bad person to you over a long period of time,hopefully get very angry and take the fucker to the cleaners.From one midwife to another.Mx.

Not yet, Midwife, not yet!

(Remember the very sound advice on skye's thread about attempts at revenge).

Equally I would get your version of events out on the grapevine pronto, as he's clearly going to put himself round as the martyr of the piece. Much like skye, there is little you can do except rise above, but a preemptive strike in the publicity war isn't going to hurt.

sorry, love

This is your signal now

You can stop

You can get off this macabre roundabout, this infernal rollercoaster

Let it all go

and don't do any shit-stirring, it won't make you feel good in the end, believe me

dignity now, above all else

do not communicate with him, aside from essential dc-related stuff

oh, you know the drill...

and you know it makes sense

not so easy to follow it yourself though but you must

Yes I'll be as bad as him if I do that. Itching to but no. Her poor kids don't deserve it. Meanwhile - I might just torture him a little with the merest hint that I might tell. One day. As I said to Skye, revenge is a dish best served cold. The twunt has accused me of getting my 19 year old son to hack into his email - as if my son could be arsed! No, the idiot forgot to stop his emails being pushed to the iPhone he lent me inc the application for a tenancy he made last week, without telling me! When I thought we were married! Silly me!

Keep your dignity Midwife. The time will come for the rest of it to come to light.

Yes my time will come.

'the mills of the gods are late to grind, but they grind small'

The truth always out and you don't need to do anything except sit back and watch the show.

He'll get his, honey. They always do.

jeez, dumb numb finger syndrome strikes again... 'The truth always wills out' blah de blah.

I've been waiting 3 years for truth to come out. Very slow isn't it?! Meanwhile dignity, dignity dignity!

Just wanted to add my voice to all the support on here.
You gave me some amazing kind and wise words when I had a different user name.
Wishing you all the best for your new future without this coward of a 'man'.

What they ^ all said Midwife So sorry for the callous way he has ended it, but you know that he has done you the biggest favour by taking that heart-breaking decision out of your hands and being enough of a cock about it that you will never have second thoughts about it.

Onwards and upwards. Come, join the ever-growing club of just-separated MN-ers looking forward to a brand new chapter of our lives without the twunts bringing us down. x

Thanks guys

Can't help feeling a failure - this is marriage number 3 down the drain. Going to name change to Liz Taylor! I do seem to be the common denominator.

Midwife, you offer so much help and support for everyone else, I am so saddened that you have been treated like this by anyone, let alone him. You are NOT a failure, you have 4 beautiful DC's and by the sound of it they are all likely to be complete successes in their own rights. Your only downside appears to be you've managed to pick crappy blokes lol, but you aren't the only one of us to have done that. if he's suh a shit to do that then quite frankly you are better off without him.

xxx

just seen this :( I'm so sorry you're going through this, and what an ARSE for telling you like that then all his other behaviour!! Honestly i know you're feeling crap about it being another relationship that hasn't worked out, but in time you really won't miss him m'dear. You deserve so much more, and your DC probably agree with that statement. Loud arguments or none, he's not been kind or respectful for a long time. I really hope you have some RL support right now? (((hugs)))