Now it's my turn girls

[Midwife99]

DH is leaving. He read out a statement in couples counselling telling me he is leaving me & DCs with all the details of the financial & practical arrangements as a done deal kind of situation. He has blamed me for it all. I didn't see it coming although there have been problems. I'm totally in shock. I still love him
but what can I do? I know that life goes on but still - totally devastated. No so wise now eh midwife?

That's an awful situation you're having to endure there, Midwife.

Would ground glass in his supper be out of the question?

I was thinking arsenic myself .

I had same problem when H was coming in and putting DD to bed, she would keep getting up to see if he was still here. Then in the mirning asking if he was still here. That's why when he said it was over for good, I said he couldn't come in the house. If she sees him drive away she knows he has gone and doesn't expect to see him that night or in the morning.

It's do bloody hard. Seeing them in your space when all you want to do us snack them over the head repeatedly with a large hammer ..

If only! I sent selfish twunt off to the chip shop & settled her in 5 minutes flat. Now he is holed up in my garage his office for the night. At least my utility room cupboards are no longer his personal shoe store - they're now in black bin bags in the boot of his car with the rest of his grungy nerd man-child gear - Black Sabbath, Kyuss & "I'm a Microsoft Professional" T-shirts, hippy commune kaftans, ill fitting ripped jeans & an Elvis costume.

I need to get some other on call back up. I can't cope with him being here!!! My house now stinks of fish & chips, no doubt he'll want to shower in the morning & leave the usual mountain of hair all over the bathroom floor & tip his coffee grounds into the sink. I thought separating meant separating!! I just want him to fuck off.

That's a strange assortment of clothing..?..

Can you change your shifts at all just temporarily?

Or find someone else to have kids . But I know it's not easy to do that.

Yes it is isn't it!!

I'm going to work on it. Actually unfortunately as ever my weekend on & on calls have all clumped together in the middle of the month. Once he's moved into his new pad he can collect kids straight from care & return them to care in the morning & it'll be nothing to do with me.

at his wardrobe - you are definitely well-rid!

Its so hard still having to share a house once its over isn't it, its some weird limbo where you're not husband and wife but you're still stuck together. I felt so sick and repeatedly told H to just F off. Even now we are getting on better its just awkward - are you supposed to offer to make them a cuppa? Should I still be doing his washing when I do ours?

I won't miss finding his fingernail clippings in the sink, toast crumbs all over the counter-top and the loo seat up all the time.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow x

Before I moved out, I stopped doing all cooking, laundry etc. Had a cleaner, which continued. The only thing I did was buy some things he liked in the supermarket once a week, as he was still paying for it anyway

Thanks Doingit & Skye. Although I love my job it's hard at the moment visiting all these loved up couples with their new bumps/babies. I know many of them will go on to have troubles too but atm they seem so blissful & perfectly happy. Can't help wondering how I've managed to fuck it up yet again

It's not you, it's him..... I have to keep reminding myself of that as my H had me thinking I was a terrible bitch who drove him away but that was just his distorted version of the truth....

It's not you it's him , just keep saying that to yourself.

Midwife. Just seen this, so sorry you are going through this.

I promise you it will get better. My life is unrecognisable to the way it was 6 months ago. So many people have said I look happy for the first time in years, and it's true.

You will be happy again. And once you only have yourself and the kids to take care of you will feel like a massive weight has been lifted.

Take it easy, be kind to yourself. X

Thanks Geordie. How are things with you atm? Any nearer to freedom?!

He is still here

But we are completely separated, communicate about ds but that is all. It's not so bad, he is away with work or I am out so we don't see so much of each other thank fuck

Starting to hate him though.. Mainly because he is turning my house into a hovel.. Not even doing his own dishes

Geordie - How long until the lazy twunt finds a hovel of his own? Any nearer to finding that red hot lover you deserve?

hang in there, GM x

He keeps going to see flats apparently but none are ever good enough.

Feel nothing but Pity for him now.

Apparently this is all because I'm "a vindictive controlling bully".

You are worth so much more than this.

Keep your head held high, ignore him, his opinion of you doesn't matter anymore does it?

Yes. Hold your head up high. My H tried to destroy me in the same way but he's not going to. I am worth far more than that.

There is no point trying to engage with him, Midwife, to find out what has led to these accusations (which, btw, are all terms I would use to describe him - classic bullying to deflect his own behaviour on to you). He is saying words that he knows will hurt you, that make him feel able to present himself as the self-righteous victim. It's just button-pushing. He's always set out to attack you where you feel most vulnerable - I remember your appalling thread about his comments about your weight.

This man has no merit. He is a waste of your time. Nothing he says is true.

I still think raspberry-blowing is the best response.

Then he can tell you you're childish, too. Cue another raspberry.

whenever you are forced to come into contact with him, midwife imagine his lips flapping but him making a noise like a seal.
OH! Or, no noise coming out but the theme tune from The Magic Roundabout.

Childish immaturity is probably the ONLY way to combat the ridiculousness of this situation. That, and saving up gory stories to tell us, so we can mock him and big you up as you deserve!

"He read out a statement in couples counselling telling me he is leaving me & DCs with all the details of the financial & practical arrangements as a done deal kind of situation"

And apparently YOU are the vindictive controlling bully?!