Now it's my turn girls

[Midwife99]

DH is leaving. He read out a statement in couples counselling telling me he is leaving me & DCs with all the details of the financial & practical arrangements as a done deal kind of situation. He has blamed me for it all. I didn't see it coming although there have been problems. I'm totally in shock. I still love him
but what can I do? I know that life goes on but still - totally devastated. No so wise now eh midwife?

Sorry to hear that midwife Hope you coping ok xx

Am very sorry to hear this Midwife - sounds like he's ended your marriage in a very cold and calculating fashion I do hope the shock wears off soon and you can start to gain some control back in your life.

But I remember a couple of your previous threads about him and he really hasn't been treating you at all well - saying very cruel things to you. You don't want you kids growing up seeing you put up with his verbal abuse.

Don't let him call all the shots, and do get some legal advice ASAP. It might not feel like it now, but you are better of without him. I remember how INDIGNANT I felt on your behalf reading the things he said!

Good luck x

Oh midwife I'm so sorry. You have been so helpful to me & I'm so sorry you have had to put up with so much cr*p and then this??!!
Well, you are obviously such a strong and wise woman that he couldn't tell you face to face without a third person there to 'make it safe' as you would have blown him out of the water with your reply. What a coward. Refresh, regroup then go at him!!

Oh my god I'm shocked. I'm so sorry. How are you feeling? xx

I'm very upset but practical issues are at the forefront of my mind right now. My job involves weekends & nights on call, I have an interview for a promotion on Friday which is now impossible as it involves me bring much more available than my current family friendly contract, my house is on the market to pay previous husband his share & basically I'm fucked. Meanwhile 4 DCs who need me to be strong - eldest off to Uni in September who is my rock but do glad he is starting a new life. The crazy thing is there have never been loud rows or fights so DCS will be shocked at the news. I feel a complete failure.

Failure? You a failure? I very much doubt it, honey. You haven't failed him, but he's failed you.

With regard to the forthcoming interview, how old are your younger dc? Does any promotion come with an increase in salary that may enable you to buy in childcare should need arise?

You are not a failure. You just had the misfortune to get involved with fuckwit men.

Please go to the interview. You may well be able to work out childcare and the STBEXH will have to pull his weight too.

It doesn't seem like it now, but I think you will be much happier not having to put up with this idiot.

Surround yourself with friends and treat yourself very kindly.

But Midwife - your DH is and always has been a prize cunt. And I never say that.

From what I recall, you were locked into a Mexican standoff where neither of you would leave the other because neither wanted to be the one seen as in the wrong. Not surprisingly, in being the one to fuck off, he's managed to pull a blinder and at least say it's all your fault.

Didn't you have him back on a final warning anyway after last time? He is a shockingly poor excuse for a human being. This is your day of liberation, onwards and upwards.

here here tripot

you have given yourself 2,000% to try and make it work when he seems to have given 0%

With one of to uni could you have an au pair or live in nanny?

You are absolutely not a failure! Once the dust has settled you will find life so much easier without this albatross around your neck. I agree with tribpot.

I know it's a lot to think about right now, but if your eldest is off to Uni soon, could you not get a live-in au-pair or mother's help to assist with the childcare? Even if it means the DCs sharing rooms? It's by far the most convenient and cost-effective childcare solution for single parents working long hours.

X-posts Great minds eh?

What a weird way to end things.

However whilst his methods are poor and the way he speaks to you is poor, is it not better to call it a day when things are not working?

Following on from Pacifist's suggestion, if your dc are all at school you could think about renting a room at a reduced rate to a student or similar in return for them providing childcare at certain agreed times.

Where there's a will, there's always a way and a promotion may just what you need to boost any flagging self-esteem.

reword alert: 'Following on from Random and Pacifist's suggestion etc'

I am sorry that you are so upset but I really want to say-YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! honestly I rarely remember posters names on here but I remember some of your other threads and the HORRIBLE things he has said/done to you. you will be better off with out him.

You are not a failure-your dcs will not blame you. You will go on to be bigger and better without him!!!!

I'll be ok practically in the end. The eldest two 18 & 19 are independent & if the fucker wants me to work & not claim spousal maintenance he'll bloody well have to have DDs aged 2 & 8 when I'm on call or weekend working won't he? I won't go for promotion as its full time, DDs need me & DS1 can get help with Uni fees if I earn under £25k which I do if I stay part time & lower band. Plus I will get tax credits & help with childcare costs so it's a no brainier not to increase my income right now. Still - he's a twunt.

You've got it sorted, honey, but don't forget the Legal board... it's a lot quicker than sourcing and consulting a solicitor in rl.

whoop whoop

Yes he's a twunt!!!!

Do not agree to anything re: spousal maintenance as you can't force him to care for the dds when you are working...

You can use CTC childcare element to pay for a registered nanny though...

I think you ate probably right about the job. Sounds like may be better off financially if you stay as you are and also have time for your children. There will be other promotions in the future when you are better placed to take them.

stay focused and stay strong.

I'm still bloody knocked for 6 though.

YY to running twunts "statement" past the gals in Legal before you see a solicitor (sounds like he's already consulted one of his own .) They can tell you what you need to ask, so you don't waste any of your free consultation time.

He's made me out to be an absolute bitch, through & through.

Erm well he's not going to put his hands up and admit he's a nasty piece of work because he's a twunt through and through.

I'd far rather have 'bitch' running through my bones like a stick of rock than 'twunt'.

You've been around this board long enough to know this what twunts do, honey. Don't let it get to you.