Now it's my turn girls

[Midwife99]

DH is leaving. He read out a statement in couples counselling telling me he is leaving me & DCs with all the details of the financial & practical arrangements as a done deal kind of situation. He has blamed me for it all. I didn't see it coming although there have been problems. I'm totally in shock. I still love him
but what can I do? I know that life goes on but still - totally devastated. No so wise now eh midwife?

if only I had MW I'd send it to you in heartbeat!

Me too! xx

Email received from him today telling me he's going to pay basic CSA maintenance plus 10% to avoid "squabbles " & if DD needs shoes etc he will look at it on a case by case basis! Snigger!

Hi Midwife

Can you not let slip the name of the city and see if any mumsnetters live there and are free or happen to be in the local with a camera?

Nottingham is nice this time of year!! I hear!!

South of London here, looking like rain for a change this weekend. Shame Nottingham is too far away for a quick visit.

Sorry, can't help with the money or the stalking but it's a fab idea!

post a message "anyone in nottingham want to track down a sleazeball this weekend" - you'll be inundated!

Feeling really sad tonight

Whats up MW? x

Nothing new honey - just lonely, scared & depressed. The rollercoster of feelings.

Stop this ride - we want to get off!

Watching superstar - JCS is one of "our" favourite films & I bought tickets for us to see it live in October

if DD needs shoes etc he will look at it on a case by case basis
what is he going to do - buy one shoe at a time????

And I'm the controlling one!

Well at least with this new series there will be lots of people who'd love to come with you instead (or buy them off you if you can't face it). By October you'll be in a totally different place so don't worry about it yet.

arthriticfingers!

My DCs are going to their dad's for the day tomorrow and again on Tues + Weds evenings - its going to be a long week! On the plus side stbxh has now apparently arranged someone to collect the DCs from school for the 5 minutes til he gets home on Tuesday, so by standing firm I got him to take responsibility for that one. DS2 was upset and saying he doesn't want to be there that much as its a long time for a little boy to be away from his mum

Yeah I guess. Just want to be happy. Going to read my book!

MW- I think he's trying to keep you on a string (maintaining control) so you have to ASK for items like shoes etc. He is a git

Yes exactly. I have felt very sad all weekend after feeling pretty strong on Thursday. Like alot of stbxhs he is no doubt doing fun stuff with DD4 & StepD this weekend while I work & my 20 year old son looks after DD3. When he was here he would be reading physics books or online & then would have fucked off to his parents' for the afternoon with sd leaving us behind only to return to have some urgent avoiding work to do all evening. There is little change in that I still sit on the sofa alone every night so why do I feel so sad?

Know how you feel. Bloody weekends do my head in! I had a really weekend really but have been on a mega downer again today!

Because it's bloody hard to know they are having all the fun with the dcs with none of the pressure, while you are still at home juggling finances, doing housework, working, helping with homework, changing beds and actually BEING THERE when your dcs need you. We can't just dip in and out as we please.

But take comfort...as my ds grew up he began to realise that, after idolising his dad for a long time, that he really was very selfish and continually put himself first. He also understood that his dad's repeated (and sometimes brutal) character assassination of me was not based on any kind of reality. I was not the perfect parent by any means but ds and I are very close now while his relationship with his dad is on shaky and conditional foundations. Stay strong. These men never deserved us.

He just dropped DD off. & was all smiles & dressed up. He had taken her to friends' for lunch & had a great time. He was all smiling & happy & as he leaned in to hand her to me (she was asleep on his shoulder) I thought he was going to kiss me. Obviously he didn't but it was all really confusing & I burst into tears. I feel bloody awful now. He's off for 2 weeks now, one of which is to Nottingham where his cousin lives. I feel so low.

It's crap isn't it. This is why I don't see STBXH at all, so he doesn't see my emotions, would be either tears hurt or anger...

I've had a stupid crying day again, just feeling lonely really.

We just have to remember as said above, these men didn't deserve us. They are weak and walk away, we are strong as we have to deal with all the devastation they cause and the upset they leave behind.

We are allowed a low moment for being strong the rest of the time.

Aw that's really hard MW Did you cry while he was still there? If so, did he realise why? Its all so confusing when you used to be so close but now you're like strangers, its really awkward.

I got to a point where I didn't want H coming into the bathroom when he still lived here, even though 'he's seen it all before' it just felt really odd once it was all over that he should see me naked. Now I find it hard just having him come in the house - even though I try to do it all at the door he still manages to push his way in to look for something. I've been fairly successful at keeping him at bay, offering to get things for him to stop him going up to my room etc, but its just such a weird feeling isn't it.

When H came in and kissed me on the cheek shortly after he'd moved out I was so taken aback I couldn't speak! It was only a couple of minutes later that I went and cornered him and asked him not to do it again, as he hadn't just got back from work, he'd left me! Stupid arse.

At least you won't have to see him for a couple of weeks now - got anyone lined up for your surveillance mission yet?!

Keep your chin up love, things will be better again now that DD is back and you have a 'normal' week ahead. x