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Original poster

Is it possible to get past this

341 replies

Orkward · 15/06/2012 12:06

I feel very confused at the moment. My dh is generally supportive and respectful and fine - but recently he forced me to have sex with him. It's never happened before and it was sudden and unexpected. He claims it wasn't what I say it was and that I could have stopped it if I'd wanted to, he thinks I made it into something it isn't but I can't seem to get past it. We've been together for a long time. I feel very confused about it all now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Orkward · 28/07/2012 18:51

Still working on the space. Had the chance for him to move out for a bit but it fell through.

Sparklekitty I hope you're feeling your way through it all now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Orkward · 03/08/2012 13:46

I think it might be time to start looking at the practicalities properly and what my options are. Finally.

It's so strange having this thread, when I read the beginning and how I was convincing myself that everything but this was fine, and how much I've had to face up to in the past few weeks, how many other things there are that I've totally lived in denial of, it's like a whole other reality.

OP posts:
Offred · 03/08/2012 14:05

((hug)) yes, you see you have come a long way from the start. Now is a good time to sort things out with it being the holidays x

Original poster
Orkward · 03/08/2012 14:33

Thanks Offred, for all your advice on here. x

OP posts:
sparklekitty · 03/08/2012 15:22

Think you need to seriously look at options of getting out. I stuck around for 18 months and actions were repeated, and got worse (not saying that this will/is happening to you) but a major part of my recovery has been not just around the abuse but around me not getting myself out of the situation, which hit me later and lead to me blaming myself for it all. I really don't want you in this situation coz its almost as bad as the abuse to get over.

I wouldn't say I'm over it, don't think I ever can/will be but I have a very happy life now with a wonderful DH and a LO on the way. Its taken years of pain and therapy, some meds and lots of prof help. I still have flashbacks and days where I feel things are horrendous but those are far and fewer between now. Hun, its tough and will take time but you WILL come out the other side and life will be good again xx

Original poster
Orkward · 03/08/2012 16:19

Yes it did kind of happen again.

I know that I can't solve anything while here and him being here and am trying to find options. Don't feel like refuge is the right thing at all, but trying to find out what to do that is a quick solution to getting space.

OP posts:
Offred · 03/08/2012 17:18

It's very hard, have you found anywhere to rent maybe? The refuge would only be temporary so it might help you make a bridge in your mind between leaving and leaving permanently.

Original poster
Orkward · 03/08/2012 17:29

No I just can't get my head around that option.Out of area, couldn't do my job, too unsettling for children.

Have been looking for local rental places but money is such a problem - and have a short term solution for him to go somewhere but it's not for another couple of months so need something short term.

OP posts:
Offred · 03/08/2012 17:31

Will he do it though? I'm not convinced, why would he?

Original poster
Orkward · 03/08/2012 17:34

Because he thinks that this option is a compromise - that if it comes to me leaving then it'll be permanent, but this 'break' is a chance to try and have some space and sort things out. I don't know if I believe that myself anymore, but it makes it more likely to get the space to work out what to do.

OP posts:
Offred · 03/08/2012 20:10

Yeah, but why would he compromise. He, at the moment is running the show. All he needs to do is keep promising to move out in a couple of months and then having it fall through.

Original poster
Orkward · 04/08/2012 00:18

He just has to. I will go if not but if i can keep my home for my children then i will.

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Original poster
Orkward · 23/08/2012 12:30

Another update...
I think he's agreeing to go, and rent somewhere. Should know by tomorrow night.

counselling person helped a lot and Im getting much clearer and facing up to loads and loads of things, feeling more sure of myself gradually, bit by bit, and more shocked at how much has happened that i thought was normal and just isn't. I still have a lot of confusion and self doubt and sometimes I worry about whether i'm doing the right thing, but i know that i can't go back now and that feels right.

Thanks for all the advice on this thread, when i read it i realise how far things have come.

OP posts:
Offred · 23/08/2012 12:38

That's good, fingers crossed. But also ((hugs)).

Original poster
Orkward · 23/08/2012 13:10

Thanks Offred Smile

OP posts:
ladyWordy · 23/08/2012 16:29

wishing you well, as you slowly emerge from the fog...
Brighter days are ahead, Ork Brew

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