Where is he?? Going out of my mind, should I call police and report him missing??

[Alabama100]

I really don't know what to do, my husband said he was in his wy home at 8.30pm it's now 11.30 and he's still not here and his phone is going straight to voicemail. I am going out of my mind with worry! We have a 7 month old so I can't comb the streets looking got him. I am sick with worry! I have called him hundreds of times all voicemail, I have called around pubs and he's not there.

How long should I wait before calling the police??

yes Porto I'm also wondering about the knickers thing dh manages it just fine now. It was quite hard for him to move on from his 20 something stage, and realise he wasn't 20 something any more, and that he had responsibilities now. He's quite proud when he comes home from a do having had just a couple of pints... a bit like ds telling me he'd spent a whole morning at nursery not hitting anyone :o

No, you have totally misunderstood. My husband is on time when it matters to ME. So, when I go on a holiday flight or to the train or for a visit to my relatives, he is there on time. He is always on time if picking up the children. He is quite often late for his own work or when meeting his own friends, that's his look out.

It's infantalising to constantly keep tabs on your partner, so I don't, nor does he with me. But we do live quite independent lives, and don't live together in the week, so that may make a difference (I have no idea where he is tonight, nor he me).

Mango. That is truly awful

Oh my goodness mango, that's terrible and what I always fear :-( xx

mango - your post resonated with me, as its exactly how i lost my sister. head on collision, with a bus.

not sure what i want to say, other than i feel how you feel, i felt how you felt. almost exactly. i knew. i just knew when she didnt answer her phone and ive tortured myself with the thoughts of that phone just ringing and ringing the wreck of the car....and im so sorry. i know its not MN to do hugs and all that shit.....but tough. if i could,. id give you a hug. x

and you too, Vic

when my friends DH was killed, my H was given his mobile phone in the immediate aftermath for safe keeping

one of the things that has bothered my DH the most, is that it kept ringing....it was his wife on the line wondering where he was (before the bobbies knocked on her door)

thanks AF. perversely its now me that does that knock on the door.....i ve had to deliver that message. i think, in time, i could be a pretty good family liaison officer....after all. ive been there. i remember how that feels. maybe all those experiences i had, will come to some good somewhere along the line. who knows.

I was just going to ask if maybe your experiences had influenced the career path you took, Vic

For some odd reason I was thinking today about our wonderful support services

I saw an ambulance go screaming down the road, followed closely by police. My first thought was "hurry up, you wonderful, wonderful people and get there, somebody really, really needs you"

whether that is an injured person or their shocked loved ones, I think they do an absolutely brilliant job

I know that sounds a bit shmaltzy, but whenever I hear them criticised I go bananas. That cocky teenager who takes the piss would be very glad to see a bobby if he ever has an argument with the front bumper of a car !

Thank you and I'm sorry for what happened with your sister.

I didn't mean to hijack this thread, just that sometimes gut instincts can be right, it's natural to worry, and unkind to leave people worrying. What happened with me was obviously an extreme.

I dunno, mango

there are 3 of us on this thread right now who have very close connections to something similar happening

like you said, it's unkind and simply so un-necessary to worry people so

< checks clock and realises 16 yo dd still isn't home >

i think they have AF. i am certainly the most empathetic bobby i know....i need to toughen up a bit. i was interviewing a 15 yr old the other day, and i should have been stern and unmoved.
and instead, all i wanted to do was give him a cuddle. and i spent ages taking to his auntie about DS and what i would do if i were her. i dont think im normal for a bobby....but thats not seen as a good thing i dont think.

ive decided that im me, and at my age, im not going to change now. so if im no good at it then ill find another career. and if i am, if it works, then maybe, ill just find my own way!

sorry too mango....and my hijack is over! and you are right. you never know whats around the corner.

I know a woman whose husband also had a very good job in the city and they had the perfect lifestyle as a result. big house in the country etc, and he was oftern out for a drink and then would drive home from the station rather than faff about with cabs. One night he was extremely late, she phoned him and got no answer. Next thing she knew she had that awful knock on the door - he'd wrapped his car around a tree and died.

He was way over the limit, but all she did in the aftermath was blame herself. He had a 'very high tolerance' for alcohol apparently, and could manage ty drive 'perfectly well' after quite a few drinks. In her utter grief and madness she reasoned that he must have crashed because she was phoning him and he was struggling to reach his phone and answer it. If she had not rung him he would not be dead. OK, os perhaps there might have been something in that, if the crash time and the phone records coincided, but seriously - how could anybody be to blame for two young children being left fatherless but the father himself?

I am a fan of men generally and I won't hear them all scorned en masse without good reason, but honestly some of them really are massively selfish and thoughtless stupid tossers aren't they?

I think the police ought to issue some kind of timewasting fine for hours spent rescuing and rounding up drunken people.

I think you have something there,TSC.

Really? I think that's nonsense actually. Just because the city has a big after work drinking culture that has been mentioned once or twice on this thread I don't think it excuses or in any way justifies twattish behaviour.

The slight difference perhaps, is that the 'rah alphamales' as you so delightfully called them will be spending money they can probably afford, whereas someone on £20k getting regularly shitfaced has porbably just pissed the gas bill money up the wall. I imagine, as the wife, it's harder to live with that sort of crap on a regular basis when you can't pay the gas bill.

Either way I think you'll find that anyone would encourage someone in a truly abusive relationship to leave it, irrespective of what the husband's salary was. But we are not necessarily talking about 'abuse' here are we? thoughtlessness, childishness, selfishness yes. Abuse? No.

I think that TSC has made her point:

Rich - absolutely fine to go out and get shitfaced and not phone home - hey, you are probably doing the economy a favour - and you have to work SO hard in the City, don't you know....

Poor - no way should wife have to put up with that sort of behaviour. How very dare you?

The behaviour is the SAME. Sefish, inconsiderate, twattish behaviour.

Porto/TSC who has said that? Where? Who on earth has tried to say that selfish stupid OTT drunkenness is acceptable so long as the man is on a whopping salary?

Is it that you think that men who are professionals or high earners should somehow be above such behaviour?

Well yes, they should actually, but so should all men. I don't see what their job or their income has to do with it. You sound like you just can't resist the opportunity to have a chippy little pop at people with money and you are hiding behind some moralistic argument to do it.

I know there is a bit of a double standard between the middle classes sinking a bottle of chablis at home every night and the 'feckless' drinking their cheap cider on the doorstep of their council flat but really - it's simple - whether rich or poor, men who pull these stunts regularly and worry their wives sick need to grow up and take some responsibility.

And some of them presumably also having high paying, high pressure jobs?