Back in the sack

[Verminator]

I'll spare you all the gory details but I've recently become a dad. Babies arrival was more than a little traumatic and I am/was expecting it to take a while before we resumed "bedroom activities". We've talked about it and naturally Mrs Verminator is very anxious about getting back on it. However we still haven't even taken any small steps. She is even reluctant to kiss as she thinks this is going to lead to more. She has some confidence issues. I'm really not sure what to do or what advice I want. Just a little tired of being rebuffed. What is a reasonable time to wait?

Blimey. Have to say I'm not too fond of the OP after all this. Yes, he does sound rather "entitled".

I'm in the "who does he think he is camp" coming home and having HIS HOUR!

Anyway, if he has put this up as a warning which I feel is totally possible he's gone and shot himself right in balls foot now hasn't he.

This thread is absolutley bizarre.

Blimey again! that'll teach me for not reading ALL the post! Cor that was an explosion and a half wasn't it very strange indeed.

Maybe it's just OP's way of throwing in a huge red herring so his wife doesn't read this and think it's about her?

I don't know, it doesn't sound completely plausible but very sad if it's true.

Apart from the OP everyone is posting from a female perspective and not with a penis.

Drip feeding isn't really effective.

Don't think there has been any drip feeding really, the op wanted to know how long it was reasonable for his wife to deny him sex. Then he clarified that all he wanted to know about was this because everything else in his relationship was fine and he just wanted to resume the physical relationship and now he's flounced off in a hissy after getting aggressive with posters who though he was being a dick.

No real drip feeding there and I think all the gender division is about is that society trains men to think they are entitled to sex from their wives/partners.

I came back to this thread to find it had moved into a parallel universe. Weird.

I assumed on reading the "update" last night that the OP was being sarcastic.

Why was my post deleted saying I didn't believe OP's latest post, when lots of other posters have said exactly the same thing? Which of the MN guidelines say you're not allowed to disbelieve what a poster says

And this having an hour to himself when he gets in from work, and claiming that is wife is ususally reading. If my DH had tried that while I was on mat leave I would have kicked him into touch pretty quick.

Mine's gone too. All I said was I didn't believe the new revelation and thought it was trying to go for the sympathy vote which he wouldn't get from me. Can't see why that breaks the rules.

I thought it was fairly obvious he was just taking the piss.

What new mother with a first tiny baby has the time or inclination for an affair?

Strangely OP sounds like my 'D'H who accused me several times of cheating on him when our DD was small, my response was along the lines of Fuckitthatlldo's words . He started pestering me for sex when DD was 3 weeks old and didn't let up until I gave in when she was 6 months old. It was awful and hurt.

In fact, if my DD was 3 months rather than the 18 months old she is, I'd swear it was him posting.

OP, if you're reading this. We don't have sex anymore and not because of cheating - because my 'D'H is an abusive arsehole. Nothing is more off-putting than a selfish, sexually-needy manchild. Your wife deserves better than you.

Aww, I was only answering Fentons perfectly sensible question with my post that got deleted

maybe it really was a researcher from Matthew Wright and we rumbled them

Why have I been deleted? This thread IS utter tosh! I stand by it!

is it just me (shamefaced lurker) that is really hoping mrV responds!!

Offred, yes I did read his posts. They read as if they are written by a man. His use of language slightly offended me too, but this is how men communicate. They often use terminology that is different to that which we women use. I don't think he meant to be offensive or to come across as a wingeing man. He did say he was after advice on how to resume the relationship (that alone is a male take on things imo - a woman wouldn't see the relationship as put on hold just because the physical side of things was on hold for a while).

To be totally honest here, I already admitted it took me 9 months to have sex after the birth of my first child. It was a similar time after the birth of the next 3. Do you think my husband sat patiently and waited for me to want sex again? Maybe an ideal man would have done, but most men are not ideal (ideal in whose eyes anyway? a woman's? another man's? would it be the same thing?) Most men, rightly or wrongly, would probably take the initiative if left to wait 9 months without sex with their partner. It doesn't make them pushy, inconsiderate men. My husband asked for sex and was rebuffed more times than I can recall. Ultimately, he had to wait until I was ready, and he did so. Ultimately, (ignoring Verminator's last questionable post) he too will have to wait until his wife wants him again. That is why I advised him to take up his share of the work, to be loving but not demanding of his wife, to give it time, etc, etc. But I don't think it is awful that he wants sex with his wife again, or wants it before she is ready for it, or posts here asking people for advice as to how to get his wife back to wanting it.

At three months after a traumatic birth sex will be completely off the agenda. For as long as she needs to recover her sex drive and physically and emotionally from the birth.

If the subject comes up, ensure that she knows there is no pressure. Not in a whimsy entitled way, as if you are "giving her a break" but in a "we are on the same side and you and your physical and emotional health are my highest priority" kind of way.

Do hugs/kisses usually always result in sex? If so you need to make sure she understands that they don't now.

shift good men who are not self obsessed and entitled don't push for sex when their partner doesn't want it. Five months after a traumatic birth my DP doesnt. My ex, on the other hand, pushed all the time. That's why he is my ex.

Yes, interesting that your wife avoids any affection because she is scared it will always lead to you pushing for more.

Why does she believe that will happen?

Is it because you are never genuinely affectionate towards her without some sort of agenda?

Shift - ah yes that familiar "he's a man so he can be really offensive and entitled to abuse because that's just how men are" argument

It is not normal or acceptable to push for sex from someone you know doesn't want to have sex with you.

anybody here that has ever got help from the Relationships board, or those that think it a good and supportive place should be fucking disgusted with this OP's absolute piss-take of the support and advice that is available to all here

that update is pure and unadulterated bullshit, and is a massive insult to all posters here

I hope you all take it as such

Hear hear AF